Posted by Tamar on June 20, 2006, at 19:50:57
In reply to Re: Zazenduck » Tamar, posted by zazenduck on June 20, 2006, at 19:28:45
> Thanks Tamar. you have no idea how much that means. But I AM NOT resposible for Dinah's feelings. I was addressing inequity on the board.
Well, I know you’re not responsible for my feelings either! But I hope you don’t mind if I mention that I feel hurt when I imagine my friends hurting.
> Thanks for agreeing. I am so glad someone is willing to hear.
I think it’s something people can feel rather uncomfortable about, and maybe more people agree but haven’t said anything because it elicits very strong feelings. I can’t believe it’s just the two of us…
> It's not about me being triggered. It's about standing up for truth and the truth is that abusing children isn't funny. PERIOD It's not about my feelings. It's about standing up for people who are being hurt. And making jokes about children being abused desensitizes people to the real thing. It's about not standing by while people are bullied verbally or otherwise.
I wholeheartedly agree with you. It’s just not funny. I suppose I’m not hugely surprised that people sometimes joke about it, though. I spent a couple of years working with nurses and midwives, and they often made jokes about things that weren’t at all funny. It seemed to be a kind of safety valve; a way to release powerful but complicated feelings without being overwhelmed. I guess the stress of the hospital environment made it difficult for them to find other ways of coping. I do the same thing sometimes when I talk about some of my own traumatic experiences. However, I simply can’t find the subject of punishment of children funny. It’s too close to stuff I haven’t dealt with yet.
I think you are absolutely right about not standing by while people are bullied. I was just reading a book about trauma by Judith Herman, and she says that it’s morally impossible for a bystander to remain neutral; s/he has to take sides. It’s easier to take the side of the perpetrator, because that only involves keeping quiet and doing nothing. It’s much more difficult to take the side of the victim, because that involves sharing the burden of the victim’s pain. I think she’s right. And I think you’ve chosen to share the burden of the victim’s pain, which is entirely to your credit.
> I would love some support and comfort. I feel like I've been kicked in the stomache by the jackboots of inequity.
Sending you a virtual hot water bottle… I hope it eases the bruising…
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:659042
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20060525/msgs/659418.html