Posted by Dinah on May 26, 2005, at 5:10:24
In reply to Re: publicly viewable, posted by Dr. Bob on May 26, 2005, at 1:07:17
Thank you for being sensitive to the intensity of my feelings on this matter, especially right before a scary trip to Chicago where it would be incredibly inconvenient for me to be head-ready-to-explode angry with you.
To me it really is a question of right and wrong, polite and impolite. It's that simple. And I just don't understand how you can't understand because so many professionals that I know and have read *do* understand.
And the reasons my feelings are so intense is something I really can't say under the civility guidelines as I understand them. But I've emailed them to you before and will again if you understandably can't remember and if you are for any reason interested.
For reasons I've stated before and stated again on Alexandra's thread, which I think you merged into the small board thread. I don't really have any better words than these, but I'll repeat them.
It isn't about feelings of envy. It's about feelings of exclusion. Those are two different things entirely.
It's about the philosophy outlined in "You Can't Say You Can't Play", as on page 99.
["It's a private time with you and your dad," I suggest.
"Right. And sometimes you have times like that with your friends."
"No one would argue about the privacy of those occasions," I say. "But does the the classroom qualify as private or public?"
A boy answers. "If he or she is your good friend, you can always invite them to your house. So, no, this isn't a private place."]
And from a post to Alexandra...
Can all friends watch and listen? Yes. Are all friends welcome to join in? No. Only some are welcome to join in those conversations.
What other possible way can 1 & 2 be joined?
(Than that posters would be playing behind a glass wall where all their friends can watch and listen, but only some of their friends are welcome to join in.)The other alternative is that people participate in only restricted boards in which case
1) People who they do not consider friends can watch and listen.
2) People who they do not consider friends are not welcome to join in.
That is at least internally consistent to me, but not really in keeping with what the boards mean to me.The first scenario, where people considered friends are not allowed to join in conversations they are allowed to watch and see, is totally beyond my conception. [However assuming that you, Dr. Bob, consider the second scenario in keeping with your view of Babble, I can see where the *second* scenario would be not impolite.]
How would I feel if Alexandra and Damos (to name two people I enjoy who clearly enjoy each other, and for no other reason) were having a bantering conversation on Social and when I tried to banter with them, were told it was a private conversation and I wasn't welcome. How is a publicly read board where I wasn't allowed to post any different? And I don't just mean me. I wouldn't even read a board I can't post on. Because I would know I wasn't welcome there. But how would people who didn't realize they weren't welcome feel about it?
And Dr. Bob, again that's not "envy" that's feeling excluded.
These are the very best words I have, Dr. Bob. I've stood on my head trying to shake better ways of saying it out, and there's just nothing there. If you think you might be interested in my opinion, please bookmark this post, because I don't think I'll be saying more on the matter. If you don't understand or empathize with what I'm saying, you don't. And all the talking on my side in the world won't change that.
If you want to understand, but can't, you can take this post to someone you think you may be able to interpret it.
poster:Dinah
thread:500533
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20050517/msgs/503064.html