Posted by alexandra_k on November 4, 2004, at 2:12:02
In reply to Re: Request for clarification, posted by Dr. Bob on November 1, 2004, at 3:15:57
I guess that asking someone to rephrase is asking more than just giving them a PBC because in order to rephrase they need to understand what the issue is in order to reword it appropriately. I guess that I figured that was nicer because then the message is 'what you had to say was ok, but you could have phrased it better' rather than 'don't say that again'. Requiring a rephrasing also provides an opportunity for learning that one doesn't get with a PBC, especially if one doesn't really understand what the problem is.
I guess I am always trying to find the general rule that applies to all cases and determines all future ones; but those are hard to come by. I am still a bit confused about this though:
>> We are not allowed to express how we feel.
> Not if it could lead others to feel accused or put down.But I don't see how expressing ones feelings should lead to another feeling accused or put down. I mean, I have done a lot of therapy around labeling my feelings, and learning that feelings are feelings not facts, and learning that I am not responsible for other peoples reactions to my feelings. I guess that when it comes to someone expressing their feelings as their feelings I still don't see how that can be uncivil.
Dinah's post was good, and it got me thinking more about context and stuff. I guess I was just worried about my PBC's resulting in a cumulative block. If I got blocked and didn't understand why, well if it ever came to that I would rethink my participation here. But I have to trust that it won't come to that.I guess that I am just going to keep searching for a pattern...
And trust there is a method...
And keep doing my best. Thats all we can do.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:409648
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20041027/msgs/411425.html