Posted by fires on August 21, 2004, at 11:58:52
In reply to Re: being civil » fires, posted by Larry Hoover on August 21, 2004, at 11:48:09
> > Words I used (fires):
> >
> >
> > >> your ... extremely offensive and rhetorical questions
> > >
> > > I never came close to attacking anyone the way you just attacked me.
> > >
> > > verbal abuse
> > >
> >
> > Dr. Bob wrote:
> > "Please don't post anything that could lead others to feel accused or put down."
> >
> > OK. Re-worded:
> >
> > I feel your words were extremely offensive.
> >
> > I feel that I've never attacked anyone the way I feel you just attacked me.
> >
> > I feel that your words were verbally abusive.
> >
> > Thanks.
>
> I think that you have a little more work to do on rewording those statements to make them true I-statements. There is an excellent link in the FAQ, under the topic of civility. To quote the FAQ:
>
> "It's fine to give others feedback as long as its constructive. It tends to be more constructive if you put things in terms of what the other person might do better rather than what they did "wrong". And it tends to be more conducive to harmony to talk about how you feel than what someone else did, for example, to use an I-statement like "I feel put down by what you said" instead of a you-statement like "you're so arrogant". But don't just word the latter as the former, as in "I feel Dr. Bob has gone overboard". :-)"
>
> Saying, "I feel your words were verbally abusive" is no different than saying, "Your words were verbally abusive."
>
> There is a hyper-link highlighted in the part of the text that reads "don't just word the latter as the former", with some really fine examples given by Dinah.
>
> LarI think I have better things to do than re-learn everything I was taught in English classes in high school and college. I'm on the verge of leaving this particular Babble group. It seems that some are so sensitive, that "civil" wording seems nearly impossible, yet when I felt attacked (the poster even predicted she would be banned!), she was not banned.
poster:fires
thread:380101
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20040717/msgs/380394.html