Re: Civility

Posted by Dr. Bob on October 28, 2003, at 23:52:08

In reply to Civility Standard Dr. Bob, posted by Susan J on October 28, 2003, at 10:04:25

> > > I hate what you did. I really hate what you did.
>
> I used I statements, and I wasn't exaggerating. More confusion.
>
> Lar
> I am confused too. I would think that "I hate you" would be uncivil but "I hate what you did" would not be. The latter makes a definite point of distinguish between the *behavior* and the *person*.
>
> Michael
> I thought it was a supportive statement of Kristen, validating her value as a human being, yet correctly stating certain behavior bothered Larry. If he can't say that, how can bad behavior ... ever be addressed?
>
> Susan
Yes, it's definitely more civil to say you hate what someone did than you hate them. But why even say you hate what they did? It's fine to give someone feedback as long as its constructive. How constructive is it to say you hate what they did?
Would I feel supported if someone said they hated what I did? No.

> > > this post ... comes across like emotional blackmail.
>
> I don't consider my statement to be an accusation. An accusation would be 'You are using emotional blackmail.' What I said is feedback about how her post might be read.
>
> Tabitha
1. IMO, that isn't feedback about how her post might be read, but how it does read.
2. As above, yes, it's more civil than some alternatives. But it's not constructive. Or an I statement. I wouldn't feel supported if someone said my post came across like emotional blackmail.

> If the *civility* standard is so *restrictive* that people cannot communicate effectively, perhaps it's truly time to modify it.
The whole point of the civility standard is to be restrictive. To restrict communication of certain types.
> As an attorney, my view on the law in general, is that it's a *tool* that serves the good of the people, and that people do not serve the *law.* ... Analogous to that, then, the civility standard here must serve the good of the posters
>
> Susan
The purpose of the civility standard is in fact to serve the good of the community. By maintaining a supportive atmosphere. But that means restricting the freedom of some individuals at some times.
Bob

Thread

My email to Bob 10:40pm PST galkeepinon 10/28/03
...
Re: Well, now I feel stupid and exposed. :( » fallsfall Dinah 10/28/03
Re: Well, now I feel stupid and exposed. :( » Dinah Susan J 10/28/03
I hate no one here NikkiT2 10/28/03
Excellent and insightful post! (nm) madwand 10/28/03
Er, that was to Fallsfall -- missed a checkbox (nm) » fallsfall madwand 10/28/03
Civility Standard Dr. Bob Susan J 10/28/03
Re: please be civil stjames 10/28/03
Re: Well, now I feel stupid and exposed. :( » Dinah Emme 10/28/03
Re: please be civil » Dr. Bob Tabitha 10/28/03
Re: please be civil / Agree w/ james (nm) Phil 10/28/03
Re: Civility Standard Dr. Bob » Susan J shar 10/28/03
Re: My email to Bob 10:40pm PST » galkeepinon shar 10/28/03
Re: Civility Dr. Bob 10/28/03
shar galkeepinon 10/29/03
Re: Well, now I feel stupid and exposed. :( » Dinah jay 10/29/03
Re: Well, now I feel stupid and exposed. :( justyourlaugh 10/29/03
Man, I Love Poe. He may be my all time fave... (nm) » justyourlaugh shar 10/29/03
Re: Borderline Personality Disorder Larry Hoover 11/3/03

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