Posted by floatingbridge on April 29, 2011, at 15:13:39
Well, I am w/o a psychiatrist now. Great. My choice.
My gp says just keep tapering the norco. Yeah, super. Down to 5mg. Am I throwing a party? No. Because my pain is pretty high. I also am so fatigued. I want to lie in bed with my face to the wall. She said xanax was next, after norco. Super.
It's been about eight weeks plus since my
last AD. Yes, I feel better without an ssri/snri. Hard to explain it. However, the initial euphoria of getting off of them and getting a mind back for myself is
threadbare. I'm not functioning, though I can at least laugh about it. And have an orgasm. My moods are not nearly so
crazy. Only intense. And I can track
them back to thoughts or sensations. For instance, pain will register as anxiety. When pain creeps up, I will have negative thoughts; left unchecked, I will chase the thought while the pain goes unacknowledged until it's louder. I
wasn't able to make that connection very well on the snri's I have experienced. (I'm talking here of my own experience. I am not applying this to anyone else's situation and am not extrapolating, "Snri. Baaaad!!!!" You know, like Frankenstein and fire.)The long and short of the situation with my pdoc is that I receive incredibly mixed messages about medication. Now
I pay to sit in the office and cry.I feel like I need treatment of some sort. Am I insane for considering an maoi for
example? Stanford said yes once. But my docs here are totally scared. My pdoc is reluctant to prescribe anything but xanax, which he happily enough (I thought) prescribed one visit, only to chide me the next. I think I wore him out :(My gp seems to think getting off everything is good. Eight to ten weeks in, and no plan in sight except removing xanax next. (Right now I take about 1.0 mg. the majority of that is for sleep. Yes, by my pdoc's approval, since sonata no longer works, that is what I'm given. I'm
teaching myself to ride through most of
my panic w/o xanax.)I don't really care what medicine I take right now. There is no sexy new med waiting for me. Norco? I am better off w/o it. Xanax? Good lord, if I didn't need something, I'd happily leave it.
I'm depressed again, yes, most certainly physically.
I see my gp on Monday. She won't do
psych meds beyond your basic snri.I've been reading the archives here. I must need a second opinion, but can't
even get up the nerve to cold call or call
my pdoc for a referral. Guess I'll do that. Great. More scrutiny.People in my life seem happy to see me drug free. Like quitting my relatively
small dose of xanax is going to heal me and somehow I will feel *so much
better*. I don't have the luxury of waiting it out a year to see if my brain resets, or reboots, as if I were experiencing a computer malfunction.I feel very raw and starting from scratch. However, I am still committed to positive
solutions and tell any suicidal ideation to take a hike! Right now, I'm wondering if April really the is the cruellest month, as Elliott said.Here's to May.
*a rose by any name
poster:floatingbridge
thread:984074
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20110418/msgs/984074.html