Posted by Amandafran on August 19, 2007, at 20:51:27
In reply to Re: Lost years, posted by linkadge on August 19, 2007, at 20:42:34
The problem is that I dont want those memories. I want to fix them and I cant. I have spent many years without friends because of who I am..and no one liked me for me...and I never knew what was wrong with me...I liked me for me..but then started to hate myself because everyone else did. I spent so long with no friends..and even now...now that I know what is going on with me...Im still friendless. I live with 2 dogs and a Kitten and they are my only friends.. I have gotten to where I dont even want to have kids because I dont want to pass on any traits of mine...I dont want my kid to have the same problems I have had. I was adopted and no nothing about my birth family and my mom's condition at the time I was born and that would help me out a lot if I could figure it out. But my relationships with my friends and family have been torn up through the years...my mom and I dont get along...(we do now...now that she knows for a fact that I am "sick") that I have a label stuck to myself. She treats me very delicatly..which is kind of nice since we have spent 27 years fighting with one another.
I want to be able to change my past...to go back and explain to people what went wrong...and to fix things but I cant..and that is what upsets me. IN case you cant tell, I have a hard time letting go of things...and change is really hard for me ..even if it is for the good.
I have spent my entire life sick....not only mentally but I am good at being sick. I dont know how to be well. Does that make sense?
> I know the feeling.
>
> The longer you feel well, however, the more in touch you will hopefully become with your past (and your future).
>
> You may begin to see events in the past in a new light, and past events may start to make more sence to you.
>
> Even though you may have experienced life in an unwell state of mind, you will still have those memories, they will eventually become a part of you again.
>
>
> Linkadge
>
>
poster:Amandafran
thread:777020
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20070815/msgs/777202.html