Posted by jay on June 11, 2002, at 0:21:52
In reply to Just don't care, posted by josiejo on June 10, 2002, at 20:42:55
> Some days, I feel like I have all the answers. Most days, I don't even know the questions. I know, bad joke.
> I've been on meds for over 3 years, so in some circles, I'm still a newbie. Went round and round for awhile, and finally got put on 40mg of Celexa (started with 20mg). Most days, I can get up and go to work. Some days, I can't. Part of it is just plain laziness. But I think it's more than that. If I can get up, I can go to work and do just fine. If not, I end up staying home and doing nothing. On my off days, I rarely even leave the house anymore. I try, and I have good intentions, but I just don't care. I'd rather sit on the couch or the computer and waste time. It's gotten to a point that I don't go out after work at all. Old friends have given up on me and have stopped calling. New friends (from work... the few that I even talk to outside work) claim they understand... "I was depressed once" or "I take paxil for anxiety". They don't know.
> I'm supposed to go home (1000 mile trip) in 2 weeks for my niece's graduation party. I'm doing everything in my power to blow it off. And I can't. I'm afraid to ask anyone to take care of my cats. I'm afraid to ask anyone for rides to and from the airport. I know that once I get there, I'll be fine. I just don't know if I can actually make myself go.
> A really great guy from work has been asking me out... I come up with one excuse after the other.
> How can I make myself do anything?
> I've wondered if I have a mild (typical of me... everything I do is mild) case of agoraphobia.
> Does anyone have any ideas? Has anyone else experienced these feelings of total apathy?
> I'm willing to listen to anything.
>
> ThanksHi:
Let me just start by saying..I think your situation is quite typical, as we have come to accept side-effects of medication without question. This brought me down to the lowest point in my life, and I see so many others in the same situation. For me, it was Effexor, but similar stories. I honestly don't think it is a choice of "take celexa or be depressed". I am dead serious about this, because it has taken me years to put this all together.
I believe that most of the SSRI's and newer meds tend to cause 'apathy' at a very alarming rate. Like the sexual side effects, they are just excused by the medical industry..and tell you how happy you should be you are 'not depressed'. Well, let me say, apathy sure as hell is one of the most depressing things in the world. It robbed years away from my life. I am now on a vengence to get back at it.
The thing is, my answer is not necessarily your answer. I *don't* advise people to just dump medications, and think it is foolish to do so. Having said that, you should find a good psychiatrist who understands what the hell you are going through, and looks at different treatments to take. Here are a couple of things I have found in my travels, but haven't used them all. Some honestly have worked wonders, though.
1)Have you ever tried mono benzodiazepine therapy? These meds work great and fast, and I think help lift depression because they lift the anxiousness and worry that cause depression.
2)How about a combo of a small dose of a benzodiazepine and a small dose of a tricyclic?
Beyond those things, I am *deeply* unimpressed with all of these new antidepressants, anticonvulsants, and antipsychotics. I think they can strongly exacerbate problems, even ones that wheren't there to begin with.
I am just on the benzo route now, having cleared Effexor out of my body in close to two months. I *really* feel the difference..in so many ways I can't explain. My thinking, my drive, motivation, it is like it is pearing it's head back into my life. Almost like a 're-awakening'.
Now, I don't want this to sound all anti-drug, etc, because I still use benzos, a drug as much as any. I may even take a small dose of a tricyclic for sleep. Most of all, though, that apathy and 'emotional numbing' is absolute hell for me. Never....ever will I even think about going down that road again. I spent 8 years with it..I did my time..my homework...and the results are here!
Anyhow...sorry I can't offer concrete advice...but it is a start. Besides tricyclics and benzos, you can also *add* Buspar to see how you feel, and I am even hearing of some good things with thyroid hormones. I would strongly focus on getting rid of that apathy..it won't go away on itself. You also deserve to "live", not just exist as a medicated depressed person.
Best wishes..
Jay
poster:jay
thread:109420
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20020609/msgs/109437.html