Posted by kady on June 2, 2000, at 14:10:47
In reply to Re: SUICIDE, posted by Archangel on June 1, 2000, at 17:46:05
>One thing not mentioned in all these beautiful responses...Kathy, you said it was your parents who made that hideous statement. I will reflect based on my own personal experience. I got left, as did my 7 and 8 year old boys. If that wasn't sad enough, he left us for a co worker he had brought into our home and I had befriended. If that wasn't enough, she was 12 years younger than I and I found evidence of their fooling around in MY house while my children were there and I was in a class!!! Think that was horrible, he left after 19 years of marriage! In my reaches to resolve and deal, what kept me alive were my kids. Afterall if I was gone who would raise them? A butt and his hole!(Sorry for the crudity)I actually found much comfort at AL-ANON. It was my sister's suggeston. My problems were not based on anyone's alcohol usage and yet there were plenty of people in my life that had abused, so I didn't feel I was there on false pretenses. Anyway, back to your parents. With a statement like that from people who are supposed to love you with all their might is troubling. A man at one of my meetings made the comment, "you go into what you come out of". It took a lot of reflection, sadness, anger, etc. In the end I realized that I had married a man much like my mother. Demanding, expectations set too high, always critical, quick to point out my faults especially my "bad" looks.(I would give anything to look like I did then now)It was emotional abuse and I could never please her. She even wished I "was more mature like Ann down the street". Dad traveled a lot on business trips and I adored him, still do. He relied on her to take care of us and respected and believed her feedback. I had no support in this family. The husband worked the same way. It was an attempt to try and please someone that could never be pleased. To work out and stay in shape for one who was supposed to love me with all his heart. When he said jump, I said how high. (Yes this IS psychbabble) Kathy, when you get through the grief, which is the sadness you feel, you will try and put the puzzle together and just maybe come up with a similar explanation for yourself. Maybe not, but something in your note rung a bell, the hairs went up on my arms and it wasn't the word suicide that got my attention. It was your parent's comment. Hindsight they say is 20/20 and I have found that to be absolutely true. I had a financial counselor who did not know me from Eve, when I inquired about the liquidity of my money she knew something was up. I went to see her. She was a few years younger than myself and had already been fighting breast cancer for 2 years. I listened to her as I knew that experience gave her a whole different perspective on life than I had. Her words ring in my ears today as she passed away a few months ago after battling this disease for 9 years, "if a man tells you he doesn't love you, look him straight in the eye and tell him to pack his shit and get hell on out the door, life is too short for that." You will find love Kathy, but find yourself first and put the pieces together. Understand the sadness is grief over something you have lost, as if someone had died. It is a loss. Then get mad as hell, then read and write to us and join one of those groups. Understand you are not the only one this has happened to. My theory was for myself that I was actually as sick as my ex for having put up with that treatment for so long. Now, I am much better. A Dr prescribed an occasional Xanax, only 2 refills a year, the rest came as inner calm when I realized if I could handle that, I could handle anything. I guess it's true,"what doesn't kill us makes us stronger", and "God never gives us more than we can handle.".
Hang in. Write
poster:kady
thread:35034
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000526/msgs/35693.html