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Re: Nikki? I'd like you opinion on something » SLS

Posted by Racer on July 20, 2004, at 12:35:11

In reply to Re: Nikki? I'd like you opinion on something, posted by SLS on July 19, 2004, at 21:25:17

To give you an idea of how I am today, I wrote you a long, caring post a little while ago, then managed to delete the whole damn thing by mistake. I don't have it in me to try to recreate that post, so I'll make this short. Well, considering my usual verbosity, short for me. If it sounds cold, it's only because my mood is heading south by the second.

Have you always had this sort of problem reading? There's a big streak of reading problems in my family, and it's a subject that interests me a lot, so I'm very curious and hoping you won't mind telling me a bit about what it's like for you.

Also, for the past year, I've been unable to read. This is the first time in my life that I haven't been able to turn to the written word for solace, and it was less like losing a limb than losing a vital organ. It's only in the last few weeks that I've been able to read again. It may be quite different from what you experience, but it does make my heart go out to you about the distress you must feel over this. You description of being chained to the bottom of an ocean rang true, and just tore at my heart.

When I couldn't read, I did try to figure out what was causing it -- I'd sit down with a book, or a magazine, or a newspaper, and try to read, but I'd get too agitated, too distracted, and then I'd fall into despair because I couldn't concentrate. Another *failure* in my life, and a failure in an area that I had always been able to rely upon, my one rock-solid safe harbor. I don't think I'd ever felt such utter misery before, and I certainly wanted to die rather than live that way.

Scott, you can't know how sorry I am that you're living through such hell. Not just the reading, of course, but all of it. It's not much, but I hope it helps a little to know that there's someone who thinks of you, and cares.


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