Posted by Racer on July 24, 2003, at 21:17:45
In reply to Re: am I more dangerous to myself now? Or less? » Racer, posted by shar on July 24, 2003, at 21:03:36
The problem is that one of the decisions really does have to be made now: whether to wait through the weeks between now and a free mammogram, or make arrangements myself to get it done and over with.
On the one hand, if I wait, it's paid for. The problem is, what if I wait, it is cancerous, and during the time it takes to get the mammogram done, then the wait for a biopsy, then the wait for everything else -- well, what if by that time there's nothing to be done? (Remember, my husband's job hunt is nationwide: we might be living anywhere by the time the next test was authorized.) What if I die because of it?
On the other hand, what if it's nothing, and we put ourselves farther into debt for nothing beyond my peace of mind?
And on the third hand, I think the only thing keeping me alive right now is wondering if this is cancer or not. It's something I'd like to know, even if I can't tell you why it matters so much to me right now.
Otherwise, breathing in and out is about the only thing I'm managing right now. Eating and talking both require opening my mouth, which I can't seem to do.
Even though I said that I need to make the decision, it's kinda made already. Although my husband isn't really keen on paying for something we could get done free by waiting, I'm planning to call Stanford tomorrow to see if we can get it all done there instead. And there's a doctor in Indiana who's going to arrange second (and third through seventh) opinions for me, I think. Now that I know the lump is there -- excuse me, the "large, irregular mass" is there -- I can also feel how it pulls on other parts of my breast and chest wall. I think I'd like to get something done sooner.
poster:Racer
thread:244992
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/2000/20030702/msgs/245022.html