Posted by Racer on July 24, 2003, at 19:30:16
it's going to be weeks before I even get the mammogram done and read, and I'm falling apart. Of course, that's getting it done 'free' through a program that pays for diagnostic mammograms for women under 40. Instead of paying with money, you pay with misery, you know? Plus, can't go to any doctor except the one they're contracted with. Still, no money involved.
I don't know if I can stand the wait, but I do want to know if I'm going to die soon without having to lift a hand myself, you know? On top of which, there are all sorts of other things coming up over this, that I'm not handling very well, and I'm still not really eating, and can't really talk, etc. (NO! DO NOT call the police again, please?)
Anyway, when my husband left a little while ago, I caught myself thinking that I just needed to get out of this whole thing. I should just end everything while I had the chance. Obviously, I didn't, I came here to ask the question instead.
So, from those of you who know more than I, is this a more dangerous time for me, or a less dangerous time? I've gotten past the initial total meltdown, but gone on into a sort of twilight zone where I can't do much besides wait and wonder if there's any "right" decision in anything I'm facing right now.
Does any of that make any sense at all to any of you? Do you have any answer for it? Thanks.
Oh, yeah, and Dr Bob is specially invited to chime in if he's around...
poster:Racer
thread:244992
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/2000/20030702/msgs/244992.html