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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by stargazer2 on January 3, 2008, at 15:21:10
Why am I so afraid of not getting a job? I only see why someone won't hire me due to my gaps in time and my resume of lateral moves.
I am too afraid of rejection and it is making me paralyzed to look for a job.
I know I am smart enough but my last 2 jobs have really made me think I am unable to work becasue of issues of not being able to stand up to bullies and being taken advantage of by others. Obviously when one is depressed it's like waving a red flag and others move in to criticise your abilities and take advantage of you being vulnerable.
I have so little confidence in being able to stand up for myself anymore. Even socialy I feel others are trying to challenge me and push me to a point I am not comfortable...why is this?
What can I do to get over this feeling of vulnerability?
Stargazer
Posted by Poet on January 4, 2008, at 13:40:15
In reply to Scared of job search failure, posted by stargazer2 on January 3, 2008, at 15:21:10
Hi stargazer,
I know that fear of rejection well. Monday I have a meeting with a headhunter and I told my T about it yesterday. She said "if you don't get the job or even an interview, I'm afraid you are going to think there is something wrong with you."
I am going to try hard to have the attitude of "there is nothing wrong with me, somethingis wrong with them for not hiring me." Maybe you can come up with a mantra that will help you feel less vulnerable?
I was bullied in a job in 2004 and I feel for you. I had a meltdown, went into a major depression and quit. As my T still reminds me I was in a bad situation that wasn't my fault.
Good luck job hunting.
Poet
Posted by Maxime on January 4, 2008, at 13:56:49
In reply to Scared of job search failure, posted by stargazer2 on January 3, 2008, at 15:21:10
I was in your boat over a year ago. I had gone a long time without a job and I had NO confidence at all.
I decided that if I did find work, that I would let people get me down. It worked for about 8 months and then I became severely depressed. But since I did it for 8 months, I know that it's possible. And it's possible for you too!
Failure at ANYTHING is always cause for worry with me.
Maxime
> Why am I so afraid of not getting a job? I only see why someone won't hire me due to my gaps in time and my resume of lateral moves.
>
> I am too afraid of rejection and it is making me paralyzed to look for a job.
>
> I know I am smart enough but my last 2 jobs have really made me think I am unable to work becasue of issues of not being able to stand up to bullies and being taken advantage of by others. Obviously when one is depressed it's like waving a red flag and others move in to criticise your abilities and take advantage of you being vulnerable.
>
> I have so little confidence in being able to stand up for myself anymore. Even socialy I feel others are trying to challenge me and push me to a point I am not comfortable...why is this?
>
> What can I do to get over this feeling of vulnerability?
>
> Stargazer
Posted by stargazer2 on January 4, 2008, at 23:15:28
In reply to Re: Scared of job search failure » stargazer2, posted by Maxime on January 4, 2008, at 13:56:49
How long did you go without a job for? Did you have refernces? How did you explain the gap in your work historY?
You're going back soon, right? I hope you can reenter the environment and keep the reason you were out short and sweet. It's not anyone's business to know why you were out but they will ask and some may even get nosey. I would just keep your answer very brief like "I was sick" or
"it's a long story" and don't elaborate as much as you think it would help.The workplace is the worst place for people to know your private business, especially if you work with alot of women. Too many gossipers, if you ask me.
Stargazer
Posted by maxime on January 6, 2008, at 22:58:21
In reply to Re: Scared of job search failure/maxime, posted by stargazer2 on January 4, 2008, at 23:15:28
> How long did you go without a job for? Did you have refernces? How did you explain the gap in your work historY?
I went for a year without work. I couldn't find any and it was awful. I told potential employers that I had been caring for my elderly mother. Actually, having a one year gap wasn't really a problem. I have a lot of work experience and my Master's degree. Plus I do volunteer work all year long.
> You're going back soon, right? I hope you can reenter the environment and keep the reason you were out short and sweet. It's not anyone's business to know why you were out but they will ask and some may even get nosey. I would just keep your answer very brief like "I was sick" or
> "it's a long story" and don't elaborate as much as you think it would help.Yes, I return on Tuesday. I am not telling anyone why I was off. I'll lie if I have to! It's going to be hard because I am returning full time. I will be full time in about four weeks.
> The workplace is the worst place for people to know your private business, especially if you work with alot of women. Too many gossipers, if you ask me.
Oh so true! I work in Human Resources and benefits is part of HR. That means there are about 4 people who know why I was off. But since they work in Benefits I am hoping they know to keep their mouthes shut!
Good luck with your search. You WILL find something.
Maxime
Posted by TexasChic on January 19, 2008, at 18:04:41
In reply to Re: Scared of job search failure/maxime » stargazer2, posted by maxime on January 6, 2008, at 22:58:21
I never really went an extended time without a job, but I have dealt with the bully thing numerous times. Well, actually only 3 times, but it seems numerous.
I'm dealing with a bully right now, but I think I'm actually handling it better because I know I've been through worse. I sometimes imagine my current bully up against my former bully... she wouldn't stand a chance! Somehow looking at it like that makes it easier.
I've been taking small steps at standing up to her, and although it makes her completely furious, no major ramifications have resulted from it. Just the other day she was demanding I stop what I was working on and pull up something on my computer that she needed to look at. I told her, "Okay, in a minute". And she just stood there. I said, "I need to wrap up what I'm doing, so I'll let you know when I'm ready". She said, "I need to see it NOW". I said, "well I'm sorry but you'll just have to wait". (I should point out, this is VERY bold for me). Man, she was sooooo mad. She went straight to my supervisor to complain and she (my supervisor) just found someone else to pull up what she wanted to look at. As she (the bully) was stomping past my office she was mumbling loudly, "mumble mumble... can't talk to me that way!!" But then the next day it was as if nothing happened!
The thing is, while to us this is an extremely uncomfortable and traumatizing situation, to them its just normal everyday behavior! And when you think about it, these people are MUCH worse employees than we would ever make!
I think your fears are perfectly normal. The only thing to do is just keep on getting up, brushing yourself off, and trying again. That's what I'm doing anyway. And although things may not be perfect, they're definitely getting better.
-T
Posted by ClearSkies on January 22, 2008, at 14:10:51
In reply to Re: Scared of job search failure/maxime, posted by TexasChic on January 19, 2008, at 18:04:41
TC, that's really good for you! You keep shining, you know that? Standing up to bullies in the workplace is very tough, especially for those of us with esteem issues. But once you've been able to stand up for yourself, I do think that it becomes a bit easier each time you're called on to do it. Even as a volunteer, it happens. I had to stand my ground with a very pushy old bag (I mean a retired woman) who was trying to get me to donate more of my time and even my MONEY to the organization. And I could feel my ears turning red with anger, you know? but I just said, "I'm really comfortable with the level that I'm participating at right now, thank you." (Never mind that I had to say this about 3 times before she backed down.) Eventually, she heard the "NO" in my words, and stopped bugging me.
I found it so hard to do, but she hasn't bothered me since, and I've found it a less stressful environment since I've found my "voice". There's hope for us all.
CS
Posted by TexasChic on January 22, 2008, at 18:43:29
In reply to Re: Scared of job search failure/maxime » TexasChic, posted by ClearSkies on January 22, 2008, at 14:10:51
Thanks! Its been a slow process, but I think I'm getting there. You're right that it gets easier the more you stand up for yourself. These type of people try to make it where you can't say no without appearing unbelievably rude. That's why they pick on nice, polite, easy going people. But once you bite the bullet and make a stand (in spite of the incredulous look on their face that you're being SO RUDE!!) you realize the world doesn't end. In fact, the people around you usually are very understanding that you were obviously standing up to an unreasonable person.
-T
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