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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by pseudoname on June 7, 2006, at 21:26:45
I think my brother-in-law (BiL) has got an impulsive speech disorder; or he's a jerk; or both.
(Readers may recall my first personal post 5/24/06 http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060527/msgs/650036.html)
So a few days ago, I admitted to a short-term memory loss... actually related to remembering where the car (BiL's car) was parked in the parking lot.
BiL said, "Man, you got to lay off them Vicodin."
I am taking the partial opioid agonist/antagonist buprenorphine for depression. I thought it was a good thing, you know, SHARING, to tell my sister a few months ago about finally finding an effective antidepressant for the first time in 20 years.
But this is how that information gets used. To make a joke, in front of other people not in my family, at my expense, and dealing with THAT, of all topics.
My ex-therapist may have been a HUHA Freudian, but at least he officially labeled BiL a jack*ss. When I told my mom about that, she agreed. And my brother, who can put up with anyone, has explicitly requested BiL to stop talking one night at a campfire.
Yet I'm the one who feels like a worm because of it. I could retaliate by making fun of *HIS* many problems. (How I gloried in the moment a neighbor lady, speaking to BiL, referred to "that time when you were so overweight." Shortly thereafter and today, BiL gained it back.)
But I won't. I'm lower in the pecking order. He knows it.
I wonder what the name of Texas Chic's book is.
Posted by Phillipa on June 7, 2006, at 22:23:17
In reply to an update on my brother-in-law, posted by pseudoname on June 7, 2006, at 21:26:45
I'm sorry he is so rude. Love Phillipa
Posted by Declan on June 8, 2006, at 1:42:31
In reply to an update on my brother-in-law, posted by pseudoname on June 7, 2006, at 21:26:45
Hey PN
I *think* I remember that you have reservations about Freudians.(Were you the bloke who said that he'd never known psychoanalysis to cure anyone of anything? But I'd be proof of that. Except that I'm alive, maybe.)
But they have made a contribution to the culture. Specifically, they have called your BiL a jackass.
Declan
Posted by Tamar on June 8, 2006, at 4:46:52
In reply to an update on my brother-in-law, posted by pseudoname on June 7, 2006, at 21:26:45
A long time ago I read about a response that can be used in almost any context if someone asks an intrusive queston or makes a rude statement.
Simply say, "What an extraordinary question!" or "What an extraordinary remark!"
It's polite; it's direct; it shuts most people up.
Worth a try with your BiL?
Posted by AuntieMel on June 8, 2006, at 8:05:48
In reply to an update on my brother-in-law, posted by pseudoname on June 7, 2006, at 21:26:45
Maybe he has IED.
No, not "improvised explosive device" - it's a <new> disorder that shrinks have determined exists.
It's called 'intermittent explosive disorder'
It usually manifests in road rage and such, but maybe it could also include vocal incontinence.
Tamar had a good response, though. And my favorite response is a simple "excuse me?"
Posted by pseudoname on June 8, 2006, at 8:59:05
In reply to Re: an update on my brother-in-law » pseudoname, posted by Tamar on June 8, 2006, at 4:46:52
Posted by pseudoname on June 8, 2006, at 9:16:00
In reply to AWESOME!! (nm) » Tamar, posted by pseudoname on June 8, 2006, at 8:59:05
I love Tamar's comeback. I can use that. I'm going to start practicing.
Thanks to you other sweeties, too. xx oo
Yeah, Dek. I'd say my analyst's "jackass" line was probably worth a couple hundred bucks. I'd go as high as $250.
I hadn't heard of IED. My BiL's speech is impulsive or compulsive or something but usually not angry. He can be very defensive, though. Hmm.
Posted by Declan on June 9, 2006, at 2:29:39
In reply to thanks, posted by pseudoname on June 8, 2006, at 9:16:00
Why wasn't male totem pole disorder in there, or you know, something like that, you know what I mean, hey?
Declan
Posted by Kath on June 11, 2006, at 19:05:00
In reply to thanks, posted by pseudoname on June 8, 2006, at 9:16:00
Those are great responses!!!!
I'd love to use "I'm not going to dignify that with a response" whereupon I'd quickly change the subject & keep talking, for ex...."so what do you think of this ongoing heat spell we're having? Anyone heard how long it's supposed to last?"
Much more aggressive & I probably would never have the nerve to do it!!!
The thing with a situation like this is:
If the others who were with you are decent people, they probably think BiL is a total jerk to say something like that OR that you know each other well enough to joke around & that you're not uncomfortable with it.
I often think that other people often don't realize how uncomfortable we might be.
You sound like a sensitive person & we SP's suffer 'way more than those who aren't so sensitive. I think SP's are really nice people. I think we could benefit from letting more stuff "roll off our backs" like water off a duck's back. It's hard to learn to do that though.
Hope you get to use T's suggestions.
Kath
PS - the situation at the campfire shows that other people KNOW that BiL is an a******
:-))
Posted by Larry Hoover on June 13, 2006, at 9:31:30
In reply to Re: thanks » pseudoname, posted by Kath on June 11, 2006, at 19:05:00
> If the others who were with you are decent people, they probably think BiL is a total jerk to say something like that OR that you know each other well enough to joke around & that you're not uncomfortable with it.
>
> I often think that other people often don't realize how uncomfortable we might be.I betcha that BiL is so caught up in his own experience caused by his big mouth, he really doesn't sense anybody else's experience at all. By the time he gets around to doing that, everybody has their "no biggie" face on already. He really might not know how bad it feels for you. In you.
Or, he's doing something he fears doing. That's maybe why it happens. Tourette's has a variant like that. It's actually a sign of respect, but it gets all twisted up in the brain, and comes out inverted. The exact worst thing to say, rather than the best.
In either case, you gotta call him on his sh*t. It is his problem to sort out. He needs to make more effort. Or, at least, some compromise. And he needs to clearly hear what the problem is, to get there from here.
Lar
This is the end of the thread.
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