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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Shy_Girl on April 30, 2005, at 18:30:17
Hello people
I'm wondering on what people think of me here. I change so much, I don't know who I really am. My pdoc said I have a mild borderline personality. I really really hope people don't see me as being manipulative. I'm not, at least not intentionally. I tell the truth here. When I write that I'm upset, I really AM upset in real life.
When I almost left and then was blocked, I almost changed my identity to "Green" and posted once as a newbie. I thought I had really broken bridges here during my participation in a certain thread in Admin. I choose to stick with being Shy_Girl to face things.
I tell the truth, please believe me. I don't want you to think I'm manipulative.
I'm really really afraid of being blocked again. Sometimes my thoughts are quite distorted and I can't guarantee that I won't post something uncivil. I will be completely devastated if I get blocked again and I'm afraid I may accidentally do something horrible to myself. In the event I get blocked, could someone, anyone, please contact me to comfort me a little bit. I can be brought out of my dysphoria, sometimes it just takes the right words. My hotmail is greenleaves123athotmail.com
Thanks
Posted by Shy_Girl on April 30, 2005, at 18:38:54
In reply to What do people think of me here?, posted by Shy_Girl on April 30, 2005, at 18:30:17
...Oh, ya, I forgot I add that I did write to the Samaritans when I was blocked...they didn't really help me much. The formula they use to respond is very impersonal in my opinion.
I don't have anyone to help me in real life. I can hardly communicate with my parents because my vocabulary in Cantonese is serverely limited and I don't want to stress out my parents. I don't have any friends. I cannot just call my pdoc because that is inappropriate (crossing boundaries like that). I've already called the crisis centres before, they don't help me as much as some here can...plus they are always busy.
So, please, please, if I ever get blocked, someone contact me to make sure I'm ok?
Thank-you so much
Posted by alesta on April 30, 2005, at 19:27:35
In reply to What do people think of me here?, posted by Shy_Girl on April 30, 2005, at 18:30:17
one of THE nicest people i've ever come across on this board. honest to God. lovely spirit. but i've said this..maybe you need to hear it from others also. i hope you get the validation you seek.
please remember that all of us have had 'run-ins' with ppl on occasion here. sometimes major ones. you aren't the only one who's felt traumatized by an interaction by any means. you can't take it so personally..i do know it feels really bad at the time, though.
YOU ARE A GOOD-NATURED, SWEET PERSON!!!!!!!!
amy :)
Posted by justyourlaugh on April 30, 2005, at 22:21:33
In reply to What do people think of me here?, posted by Shy_Girl on April 30, 2005, at 18:30:17
shy...borderline personality? manipulative?
no silly..
no need to explain yourself..
we respect all your posts and admire how compassionate you are..
i am bpd and i am amazing!
i only manipulate myself..
j
Posted by partlycloudy on May 1, 2005, at 9:38:48
In reply to What do people think of me here?, posted by Shy_Girl on April 30, 2005, at 18:30:17
I don't think you're the least bit manipulative. I believe that when you write of your pain that it is genuine.
No broken bridges here.
Just please keep posting. If you want a "civility" buddy to run ideas past before posting them, I'd be more than happy to give you some help. I'm not a PBC virgin but I am usually well behaved :-)
Posted by Susan47 on May 1, 2005, at 13:14:53
In reply to What do people think of me here?, posted by Shy_Girl on April 30, 2005, at 18:30:17
I've been where you go, I don't know to what extent because I'm afraid to look, I don't think as much, but I do understand, ShyGirl, and if something you post doesn't agree with me, if I can't stomach it, I just don't read. But I wouldn't feel badly about it, that just gives you anxiety and I don't think that's good for you. I'd encourage you to keep posting but remember civility and you can say a lot of stuff that will help you to get off your chest, so to speak, I know Babble allows me to be more "normal" IRL at times.
Posted by Dinah on May 1, 2005, at 17:47:07
In reply to What do people think of me here?, posted by Shy_Girl on April 30, 2005, at 18:30:17
I don't think it's possible to burn bridges *on* Babble. And I think Dr. Bob's civility rules are partly to thank for that. People generally respect someone who can admit they weren't quite what they wished to be and would like to start over. I've done it a few times.
Not that I remember anything all that awful that you did, but I don't read all the boards.
I echo Partly Cloudy's suggestion that you find someone who can be your civility buddy. Civility buddies are good not only for reviewing posts, but also for venting a bit off board so that following the civility guidelines on board is a bit easier.
I'm afraid I don't know all your story yet, but I'm always glad to get to know new friends.
Posted by Shy_Girl on May 1, 2005, at 18:13:07
In reply to What do people think of me here?, posted by Shy_Girl on April 30, 2005, at 18:30:17
Thank-you everyone for responding. My disagreements were actually not the cause for my block...rather it was my postings that talked about methods that did it.
I still do not yet fully comprehend exactly what is uncivil...so it would be nice to have a civility buddy.
I am still deathly afraid of being blocked again...it sounds desperate...I know. My pdoc doesn't think I am going to kill myself, but I'm still afraid. I mean, I didn't think I had it in me to overdose on ASA enough to land me in the hospital...but I did it. My knowledge of methods is very dangerous to me. I'm afraid I will accidentally harm myself in a bad way one day when I'm very upset. I know that something like 10% of borderlines kill themselves :( Not very good.
How exactly does the civility buddy thing work? I babblemail all or some of my posts before posting them?
What should I do if I get blocked again? I was in a bad bad way last time. I was very lucky that I had a pdoc appt. on the day it happened.
I wonder if this place is worth the risks for me. I trigger easily.
Posted by Shy_Girl on May 2, 2005, at 0:46:18
In reply to Re: What do people think of me here?, posted by Shy_Girl on May 1, 2005, at 18:13:07
I know there are some people who must hate me...just tell me so.
Tell me I'm a horrible person and I'm bad for this community. I make others feel uncomfortable and I bring up unpleasant conversation.
No one really cares about me here...I am delusion if I think people care. No one will care whether I live or die here...I can't make friends like everyone else. No one likes responding to my posts because they bring up bad feelings in people.
Let me know what a b*tch I am by replying to this post with a simple "LOL" in the subject line. If you disagree with me or dislike me in any way, post "LOL"...this way you won't get in trouble by being uncivil.
I don't belong anywhere.
I'm a cosmic mistake.
I hope I will be a bird...an exotic bird maybe :D in my next life (if there is a next life).
Posted by partlycloudy on May 2, 2005, at 7:17:45
In reply to Re: What do people think of me here?, posted by Shy_Girl on May 1, 2005, at 18:13:07
Being a civility buddy for you would be such a pleasure - and don't worry, Shy Girl. So much of the civility rules are about how one phrases a post, rather than the content of one.
So, yes - if you aren't certain how a post will be received/read, you can run it past me using Babblemail. I'm usually online off and on during the day, and not so much in the evenings.
take good care, Shy Girl.
partlycloudy
Posted by Susan47 on May 2, 2005, at 13:01:26
In reply to Re: If you hate me, tell me, posted by Shy_Girl on May 2, 2005, at 0:46:18
I would never call anyone a bitch when I'm in my right mind.
And neither would you. Would you?
Posted by AuntieMel on May 2, 2005, at 13:49:00
In reply to Re: If you hate me, tell me, posted by Shy_Girl on May 2, 2005, at 0:46:18
I don't see how anyone can hate you for telling us about how you feel.
We *all* have our problems and issues.
Posted by Shy_Girl on May 2, 2005, at 14:45:02
In reply to No. » Shy_Girl, posted by Susan47 on May 2, 2005, at 13:01:26
I don't think I could call anyone here a b*tch. :-) Thankfully, I usually direct anger towards myself.
Sorry about my very inconsistent mood lately...it is confusing to see one upset post and then a happy post immediately beside it. Don't worry too much about me becoming very upset...it usually only lasts for a few hours.
Posted by Susan47 on May 2, 2005, at 16:00:14
In reply to Re: (((everyone))), posted by Shy_Girl on May 2, 2005, at 14:45:02
possibly it may last "only a few hours", dear, but if you can make the negative ones a bit less full of hatred for yourself, that would be a start, you know? You sound the way I felt a year ago. Absolutely like nothing, like a piece of dung.
Posted by 10derHeart on May 2, 2005, at 22:46:34
In reply to Re: (((everyone))), posted by Shy_Girl on May 2, 2005, at 14:45:02
>....it is confusing to see one upset post and then a happy post immediately beside it.
I'm not particularly confused. This isn't the first or last time I've/we've seen conflicting emotions from one person. I think that makes you - *you.*
I like you, Shy Girl. I think it's incredibly honest and brave to come here with all the doubts and worries and upset you sometimes feel, and still post to us. Takes quite a bit of guts.
Maybe you should really be...Brave-Girl?
Posted by Shy_Girl on May 2, 2005, at 23:17:04
In reply to Re: (((everyone))) » Shy_Girl, posted by 10derHeart on May 2, 2005, at 22:46:34
> Maybe you should really be...Brave-Girl?
lol :-) Yes, my name sure is holding me back eh? I suppose I'm not all that "shy" in cyberspace.
This is the end of the thread.
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