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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by shellybelle911 on February 22, 2005, at 1:22:55
Why does everything seem to go so ok for a while--and then just as you get kind of settled and comfortable does something happen that seems to set everything back. I am so tired of people treating me like a doormat or worse, especially members of the opposite sex (no offense)--I am feeling like just closing myself up in my apartment and never coming out again....
Posted by sunny10 on February 22, 2005, at 11:59:35
In reply to everything is ok and then its not, posted by shellybelle911 on February 22, 2005, at 1:22:55
please don't isolate yourself, shellybelle911.
If you are sick of others telling you what to do, start telling yourself what to do.
I know that sounds weird, but I have always had such low self-esteem, that I let little things slide, then bigger things, then huge things, and became a doormat; just because I was afraid of always being alone.
I was afraid of being alone because I thought I would bore myself to death- and because I thought I was such a mess that I needed someone to take care of me.
I attracted every SOB out there.... I was like a human crap magnet. The predator can sense the meek in all living creatures, you know...and they will prey on whatever they can. Remember, too, that there is something wrong with them, to "need" to have these types of relationships... I was not the only "wrong" person in any relationship- it takes two.
My T told me to find some hobbies, join some clubs (formed around my interests- not to meet people), and get to know and like the person I found inside me.
It has helped a great deal. I no longer need anyone. Don't get me wrong, I still enjoy relationships- and a lot more, now that I am comfortable enough to know who is right for me...I can now drop those in my life who were more exhausting than they were supportive and nurturing.
Now I strive for a 50-50 relationship and will accept nothing less. I took back my own power, so to speak (with the exception of my dysfunctional family, that is... I'm still struggling to work through that and to let them meet- little by little- the person I have become)
I hope that pep talk helps! If not, swear at me to your computer screen- that'll help, too !
sunny10
Posted by partlycloudy on February 22, 2005, at 13:54:50
In reply to Re: everything is ok and then its not, posted by sunny10 on February 22, 2005, at 11:59:35
Sunny, reading this helped me today! Thanks.
Posted by sunny10 on February 22, 2005, at 14:34:49
In reply to Re: everything is ok and then its not » sunny10, posted by partlycloudy on February 22, 2005, at 13:54:50
and I just hope that shellybelle911 feels the same...
Posted by TamaraJ on February 22, 2005, at 16:43:07
In reply to Re: that's what we try to do here, for each other » partlycloudy, posted by sunny10 on February 22, 2005, at 14:34:49
Your post helped me as well. And, it is not only your post in this thread that I have found helpful and eye-opening. There have been many others. So, thanks for always being so open and generous with your insights.
Tamara
Posted by shellybelle911 on February 22, 2005, at 23:48:36
In reply to Sunny, I wanted to thank you too . . ., posted by TamaraJ on February 22, 2005, at 16:43:07
Sunny thank you so much for what you said--in my head i know that that is what i need to do--but getting myself to do it is soooo hard. I just want to like myself--and having been told all my life from anyone that i am no good just keeps going on and on in my head--and when i seem to be getting a little bit of happiness it just all comes crashing back down on me. I feel like I don't deserve to be happy i guess. Thank you again for you comments and insights...I guess i need to quit feeling so sorry for myself and do something about it...
Thanks again,
Michelle
Posted by jay on February 23, 2005, at 9:36:21
In reply to everything is ok and then its not, posted by shellybelle911 on February 22, 2005, at 1:22:55
> Why does everything seem to go so ok for a while--and then just as you get kind of settled and comfortable does something happen that seems to set everything back. I am so tired of people treating me like a doormat or worse, especially members of the opposite sex (no offense)--I am feeling like just closing myself up in my apartment and never coming out again....
>
>Ya...I hear you from a male point of view. Us 'nice' people seem to let people walk all over us, and the people who do, know it. I also know how
things seem to be unsettled..it's hard from one day to another, not knowing if tommorow is going to be a 'happy' day or a 'uggghh I wanna die' day. I really think as your treatment gets better, the more better days you have.(I know...you heard it all before...heh.) But for me to find the right 'combo' (and I am STILL tweaking) of meds, it took me 10 years and many experiments. My real advice is to give things time. Usually about 3-4 weeks on a combo of meds will let you know if things are working or not. My other bit of advice is to do with relationships...and your s/o....which you should be happy with or there needs to be either work or changes done. 'Toxic' relationships can ruin your spirit...the last thing you need.Let us know how you are making out...
Best,
Jay
Posted by sunny10 on February 23, 2005, at 10:51:13
In reply to Re: everything is ok and then its not » shellybelle911, posted by jay on February 23, 2005, at 9:36:21
Please don't let yourself feel that it is so simple to suddenly decide you like yourself and "that you should just do it".
I would never presume to say it is so simple.
Little babysteps to start. I used to pretend I was on a twentieth date with someone I felt comfortable with and let that someone get to know ME. Not as I thought they would want me to act; but as I truly felt like acting. I was surprised to find that there was a lot more to like about myself if you actually let myself BE myself; and not what other expected of me.
I have come to decide that for me, the toxic relationships were "allowed" by me. I didn't think highly enough about myself to say, "wow, you're mean- I don't think I want to associate with someone like you" to someone who mistreated me. I thought they were mistreating me because I did something wrong!
There is nothing wrong with being you, no matter who YOU turn out to be. You will find others that like you just the way you are.
Posted by sunny10 on February 23, 2005, at 10:58:28
In reply to Sunny, I wanted to thank you too . . ., posted by TamaraJ on February 22, 2005, at 16:43:07
If you look at my posting history in the last few weeks, you will notice a little pattern.
I gave help, I asked for help, I gave help, I asked for help. I got caught up in things that were going on in my life for five days- I gave myself permission for five days to mostly ignore the board because I didn't want to pressure myself any more than I already was.
I'm hoping that you'll see that I do what I can to help other people, I reach out for help when I need it, and I work on not feeling guilty for not always being around when needed; I do all of these things for me.
Even offering insights and my experiences up to try to help others helps me. I am much happier as a well-rounded individual than I ever was EITHER acting selfishly OR selflessly (at the expense of myself).
A happy balance has to include a little of both at times.......
Posted by shellybelle911 on February 23, 2005, at 23:50:50
In reply to Re: thank you's . . . » TamaraJ, posted by sunny10 on February 23, 2005, at 10:58:28
Thank you all for your input...I know that i have lots of work to do. I just ask myself sometimes if it is worth it, and if i will ever get to the point where i even like myself. I really hope that i will. Thank you all again so much.
Michelle
Posted by sunny10 on February 24, 2005, at 14:08:53
In reply to Re: thank you's . . ., posted by shellybelle911 on February 23, 2005, at 23:50:50
I think you will be fine. Give yourself some time to heal- don't be impatient...
Posted by jay on February 26, 2005, at 0:14:41
In reply to Re: shellybelle911 and jay, posted by sunny10 on February 23, 2005, at 10:51:13
> Please don't let yourself feel that it is so simple to suddenly decide you like yourself and "that you should just do it".
>
> I would never presume to say it is so simple.
>
> Little babysteps to start. I used to pretend I was on a twentieth date with someone I felt comfortable with and let that someone get to know ME. Not as I thought they would want me to act; but as I truly felt like acting. I was surprised to find that there was a lot more to like about myself if you actually let myself BE myself; and not what other expected of me.
>
> I have come to decide that for me, the toxic relationships were "allowed" by me. I didn't think highly enough about myself to say, "wow, you're mean- I don't think I want to associate with someone like you" to someone who mistreated me. I thought they were mistreating me because I did something wrong!
>
> There is nothing wrong with being you, no matter who YOU turn out to be. You will find others that like you just the way you are.
>
>Well, sorry, but I think people use manipulation and other toxic ways to come "stealth" their way into a relationship. It's not *my* responsibility if someone is an as*hole, just that these things don't usually surface until you are in a relationship for awhile. Manipulative, mind-f*kers are like that...they are like birds of prey..come in under the radar and *attack*. Believe me...I know my psychology...I am a social worker.
Jay
Posted by sunny10 on February 28, 2005, at 9:14:25
In reply to Re: shellybelle911 and jay » sunny10, posted by jay on February 26, 2005, at 0:14:41
we let them stay, because we are working through our own isues...
that's psychology, too...
This is the end of the thread.
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