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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by moime on October 11, 2004, at 5:59:38
Hi...anyone have any advice on how to get your self-esteem back? Ref to my past posts, I just broke up with a man, and I now am getting all this information via his family about how mentally unstable he is, the things he has done, how I am better off without him because of it. (Hearing this from his family just makes me feel worse because I thought so much of them and I wonder about the dynamic of family in all of this - why some of them are enabling him and why some of them just don't tell him off and let him fend for himself). I just wondered why all this isn't making me feel better (justification) about myself..I still have feelings for him and still agonize over why he doesn't feel the same. I try to rationalize, but so far, no good. Plus I am so lonely...full time student in an empty house..seems like I am not happy unless I have a love relationship. Thought I had self esteem until this horrible feeling set in.
Posted by rayww on October 11, 2004, at 10:12:39
In reply to Building Self-Esteem, posted by moime on October 11, 2004, at 5:59:38
"How to survive the loss of a love" by Melba Colgrove, Harold H. Bloomfield, & Peter McWilliams
First you must grieve.
Posted by AdaGrace on October 11, 2004, at 12:43:52
In reply to Re: Building Self-Esteem » moime, posted by rayww on October 11, 2004, at 10:12:39
I went to the link for that book, and read the reviews. I also read reviews of the other recommended books. I was doing fine until I got to the one on "Obsessive Love" or something like that and realized I had become a stalker, and if I lived in the town of the "dumper" I would be sitting outside his house waiting for a glimps of him as well..... Boy am I down in the dumps now.
Posted by partlycloudy on October 11, 2004, at 13:08:34
In reply to Re: Building Self-Esteem, posted by AdaGrace on October 11, 2004, at 12:43:52
Yikes! There is more than one way to skin a polecat, as jethro used to say; and not all self help books help everyone who picks them up. I have to say that at least half of the books that have been recommended to me as being "perfect" either left me flat or made me wonder what the person who suggested it thought of me... I have put those books which did not resonate with me into the waiting room at my therapist's office. Someone else picks them up, and says, "this is me!"
First of all, getting out of a relationship and then being told afterwards it was good you got away is not a bad thing. I agree that when a relationship ends - on whatever note or for whatever reason - you do have to go through a grieving process. I also think it is natural to feel lonely and perhaps unwanted after such an ending.
It doesn't mean we aren't worthy of others' attention, but we do need to nurture ourselves. For me, self esteem rises when I recognize that I need healing time; that treating myself especially nicely is not a selfish act but necessary.
I have struggled for years with the knowledge that I am worthy of love. There are times when I can't stand to be with myself, and at those times I am downright self-destructive.
Posted by rayww on October 11, 2004, at 15:54:40
In reply to Re: Building Self-Esteem, posted by partlycloudy on October 11, 2004, at 13:08:34
Are you able to love things? Can you say out loud, "I can love that" or "I love the sunset" or "I love this pie" or "I love this bath"? I have found it helps to vocalize love to whatever thing taps into the emotion of it. As I say the words "I can love" my ability to love expands just a hair. I love to hear myself say "I can love".
Posted by partlycloudy on October 11, 2004, at 16:57:04
In reply to Re: Building Self-Esteem » partlycloudy, posted by rayww on October 11, 2004, at 15:54:40
thanks for your concern, ray.
Posted by 64bowtie on October 12, 2004, at 22:57:19
In reply to Re: Building Self-Esteem » partlycloudy, posted by rayww on October 11, 2004, at 15:54:40
This is the end of the thread.
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