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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 22 of 22. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by CatFanatic on September 17, 2004, at 11:10:55
Because of lifelong Avoidant Peronality disorder, social anxiety, severe depression, and just being just plain very shy, I have this unremitting tension on my face, which gives me an angry, depressed vulnerable countenance. i don't know how to smile. I am so depressed and anxious, I can't smile.Even depressed people can smile. My face creates a lot of hostiity in others towards me. I don't know what to do about it. peole react so negatively, I hen feel worse about myself. A vicous unending cycle
Posted by becksA on September 17, 2004, at 11:13:46
In reply to Can't smile, posted by CatFanatic on September 17, 2004, at 11:10:55
I'm dealing with sort of the same problem, although it comes and goes in alone situations, but with other people (unless I know them very well), I can't smile either...My facial muscles actually tense up..ALthough when I'm watching a good tv show or movie by myself, I can laugh easily and freely sometimes.
Posted by partlycloudy on September 17, 2004, at 12:13:01
In reply to Can't smile, posted by CatFanatic on September 17, 2004, at 11:10:55
It really bothers me when people at work tell me to smile, and they give you that old cliche how it takes more muscles to smile than to frown. I used to tell them that I didn't have a smile to give them, but now I say that I'm giving my face a workout.
Most of my smiling is done with my eyes, it seems. When I can't smile with my mouth, my eyes look like they belong on one of those doggies in the pet shop window.
Posted by CatFanatic on September 17, 2004, at 12:33:37
In reply to Re: Can't smile » CatFanatic, posted by partlycloudy on September 17, 2004, at 12:13:01
> It really bothers me when people at work tell me to smile, and they give you that old cliche how it takes more muscles to smile than to frown. I used to tell them that I didn't have a smile to give them, but now I say that I'm giving my face a workout.
>
> Most of my smiling is done with my eyes, it seems. When I can't smile with my mouth, my eyes look like they belong on one of those doggies in the pet shop window.
>
People would tell me that, as they were dumping on me. Probably because I was a minority and utnumbere 1000 to 1.I can't smile with my eyes. If Itry to smile with my mouth, i look very creepy in combo with my mean, angry, tense, eyes. You seem like you are on the right track. The eyes are the key I think. Windows to the soul and all that jazz. I hate being flypaper for abusive assholes. I'm 35, and it still happens. I hate humanity.
Posted by partlycloudy on September 17, 2004, at 12:49:22
In reply to Re: Can't smile, posted by CatFanatic on September 17, 2004, at 12:33:37
But be careful wearing them at night. Life would be easier if we didn't have to conform to these niceties, wouldn't it?
You don't feel like smiling, you don't. I don't agree with making postures that don't correspond with the internal person; I think it can be misleading. How many people have you seen who wear that Jack Nicholson grin all the while virtually stab others in the back? That would be, let's see... every office I have ever worked in. End of story. Pshaw (sp?) on these other politically correct puppets. And I'm 42, so I've been trying to "pass" for as long as you have. Take heart, and keep your face honest, IMO.
pc
Posted by CatFanatic on September 17, 2004, at 13:07:06
In reply to There are always sunglasses, posted by partlycloudy on September 17, 2004, at 12:49:22
I always do wear sunglasses. SOmetimes I even wear them at night while I am driving!!!!!! My former crook shrink told me I was hiding. I used to always also wear a hat. I no longer wear a hat. First time in 6 years. But I still only go to small grocery stores where I will probably be the only one there. Can't go into a shopping mall. I wish Icould just wear a bag over my head.
Posted by partlycloudy on September 17, 2004, at 13:43:03
In reply to Re: There are always sunglasses, posted by CatFanatic on September 17, 2004, at 13:07:06
Grocery shopping gaaghhh!!! Just recently I have been able to stay in the store long enough to buy what I need. Can't change stores because I get too upset figuring out where they hide items. I scout out the check out clerks for the Boys because they are usually shy and don't try to speak. Just a few pointers.
Can't go to a mall and can't say that I would want to. I am an afficionado of internet impersonal non contact non verbal commerce. GREAT invention.
Posted by becksA on September 17, 2004, at 14:33:39
In reply to Re: There are always sunglasses » CatFanatic, posted by partlycloudy on September 17, 2004, at 13:43:03
you guys sound like you have given in to the fact that this will be the you for life?? I feel the same way but I'm trying to find a cure...although I may be and probably am wrong, don't know the rest of your stories.
Posted by partlycloudy on September 17, 2004, at 14:39:54
In reply to Re: There are always sunglasses, posted by becksA on September 17, 2004, at 14:33:39
Actually, I have made a great deal of improvement and plan to continue to do so, thanks for asking.
Posted by alesta on September 17, 2004, at 18:04:27
In reply to Can't smile, posted by CatFanatic on September 17, 2004, at 11:10:55
hi, catfanatic,:)
i can completely relate!..i've mostly treated my depression pretty recently, although i suffered with that for many years. but when i had really bad social anxiety (when i was working), i feel like at times i would get this weird, maybe tortured expression on my face and kind of "stare" at people, like i was frozen..people respond very negatively when you get this expression, i have no idea what the expression looks like to them..like they think you're unfriendly or something..i don't know..but i was just so uncomfortable and for some reason was absolutely unable to hide it..the fear is so powerful it comes through (oddly enough, i am mostly fine except at work--i feel no anxiety at parties, for instance. but i sometimes get that way with strangers still if I’m not taking something for anxiety.) when i start working again, i am going to make sure i take something for anxiety..i refuse to feel that hellish torturous feeling again..are you taking anything for anxiety/depression, like good quality l-theanine or klonopin and/or some other natural/medicinal remedies? i think it would really help you...:)
take care!:)
amy
Posted by CatFanatic on September 17, 2004, at 18:22:54
In reply to Re: Can't smile, posted by alesta on September 17, 2004, at 18:04:27
Where do I gt l-theanin. For that matter, where do I get tryptophan since they banned it because of that fatal contminatedbatch. heard tryptophan was supposed to be grand for anxiety.
As for beck. Not sure what your point was. That is the way I have been since childhood. It' s not so easy to change. So difficult that I am not sure I want to. Your criticism isn't welcome.I feel bad enough as it is. I'll ignore your posts from now on. i'm overy sensitive as you can see.
Posted by becksA on September 17, 2004, at 18:31:43
In reply to Re: Can't smile, posted by CatFanatic on September 17, 2004, at 18:22:54
I think you misunderstood me.....I'm dealing with the same exact problem and it's horrible. As I was typing it I thought it may be taken the wrong way but I went ahead an risked it, so I appologize. I know how bad it is to be in this situation, so I feel for you and I was only trying to help. Communicating strictly through text can be misleading sometimes.
Posted by alesta on September 17, 2004, at 18:49:58
In reply to Re: Can't smile, posted by CatFanatic on September 17, 2004, at 18:22:54
hi,
one good brand of l-theanine is at vitamin world (vitamin world brand). this is a good brand. they have a vitamin world at the mall near where i live (virginia), so they might have one near you, too. if not, there's a vitamin world online. you can buy it for about $12, and it takes qbout 30 minutes to work. it is safe, so you can totally play with the dosage. i'd start with 100 mg per dose. it's relatively cheap, you'll know right away if it works, you've got nothing to lose.. (i think this will be more effective for you than tryptophan, as i've tried 5-htp and it didn't help me much, but feel free to try it if you like.)amy
Posted by Dr. Bob on September 20, 2004, at 8:22:28
In reply to Can't smile, posted by CatFanatic on September 17, 2004, at 11:10:55
> Because of lifelong Avoidant Peronality disorder, social anxiety, severe depression, and just being just plain very shy, I have this unremitting tension on my face, which gives me an angry, depressed vulnerable countenance...
When you change your posting name, you need to post a message (under your new name) at Psycho-Babble Administration to let others know that you used to post under a different name:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#names
This is to try to reassure them that posters who appear to be new really are new. You don't have to say what your old name was.
The last time you were blocked it was for 1 week, so I'm going to block this name for 2 weeks (and any previous names permanently).
If you or others have questions about this or about posting policies in general, please see the FAQ:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
Follow-ups regarding these issues should be redirected to Psycho-Babble Administration. They, as well as replies to the above post, should of course themselves be civil.
Thanks,
Bob
Posted by partlycloudy on September 20, 2004, at 11:27:10
In reply to Re: blocked for 2 weeks » CatFanatic, posted by Dr. Bob on September 20, 2004, at 8:22:28
Is anyone else perturbed by this? Why would it have been a difficult thing for this poster to tell us who they had been posting as before?
It really bothers me and I'm not sure why. Like I didn't know who I was conversing with.
pc, who already got out of bed on the wrong side today.
Posted by Dinah on September 20, 2004, at 12:36:48
In reply to Re: blocked for 2 weeks, posted by partlycloudy on September 20, 2004, at 11:27:10
Posted by alesta on September 20, 2004, at 22:21:14
In reply to Re: blocked for 2 weeks, posted by partlycloudy on September 20, 2004, at 11:27:10
yes, pc, i, too, am a bit perturbed..especially since this person wasn't very appreciative of my advice..it really bugs me when people are kind of rude or unappreciative when you take the time to help them. i encounter a lot of that on psychobabble and am getting tired of it...
amy
Posted by partlycloudy on September 21, 2004, at 7:04:32
In reply to Re: yes, a bit perturbed, too.lack appreciation.., posted by alesta on September 20, 2004, at 22:21:14
I do appreciate Dr Bob's vigilance, but I know what you mean about trying to be supportive and not getting the reply you expect! Sometimes communicating on Babble requires tightrope walking skills.
pc
Posted by iris2 on September 22, 2004, at 10:20:36
In reply to Re: yes, a bit perturbed, too.lack appreciation.. » alesta, posted by partlycloudy on September 21, 2004, at 7:04:32
> I do appreciate Dr Bob's vigilance, but I know what you mean about trying to be supportive and not getting the reply you expect! Sometimes communicating on Babble requires tightrope walking skills.
> pc>..it really bugs me when people are kind of rude or unappreciative when you take the time to help them. i encounter a lot of that on psychobabble and am getting tired of it...
Regarding appreciation and expected replies.
I want to do the right thing. Is it expected that when someone gives you support on a board that you reply with your appreciation? I am not sure I have replied every time someone has given me support. I always appreciate it as someone has taken the time to support me.
So am I being rude if I do not respond to the support?Thanks,
irene
Posted by partlycloudy on September 22, 2004, at 10:45:04
In reply to Re: yes, a bit perturbed, too.lack appreciation.. » partlycloudy, posted by iris2 on September 22, 2004, at 10:20:36
No, I meant when you've posted a message and you don't get ANY replies - it gets lost in the population of posts. Sometimes this place is just too busy. For me, although I have the verbal skills of a marine, I try very hard to keep my language here as neutral as I can, mostly because I don't know who I'm talking to and don't want to offend. Sometimes there might be posters whom I would LIKE to offend, just that is usually a reflection of my having a bad day rather than anything they may have said...
Many people reply personally to each poster, but I do not 1) because every reply is appreciated and 2) my cognitive skills are so bad I still have trouble keeping people straight!
Posted by saw on September 23, 2004, at 1:37:35
In reply to Re - replies » iris2, posted by partlycloudy on September 22, 2004, at 10:45:04
I agree pc. I remember when I posted that I didn't think I belonged. That was because I wasn't getting as many, if any sometimes, replies to my posts as I would have liked. It does not bother me any more. I am slowly starting to get to know a lot of people, and I do think there are a few that now identify with me. One begins to understand the strange workings of threads and who does and does not reply. I would have to be here 24 hours a day to respond to each and every post. Sometimes, I don't respond because I don't want to be intrusive. Though I am sure no-one would take offence at extra support. And I also do believe that every reply is appreciated. I know I have been very appreciative of replies even when the thread has ended.
Sabrina
Posted by alesta on September 28, 2004, at 11:58:36
In reply to Re: yes, a bit perturbed, too.lack appreciation.. » partlycloudy, posted by iris2 on September 22, 2004, at 10:20:36
hi y'all,
(This reply is a little late, as I was deservedly blocked last week..)
I don’t expect a reply of appreciation every time. But when people have responded to what I’ve written them, and request further information, for instance, they could very easily do it in an appreciative, nice manner, rather than an abrupt, demanding one.
Also, I think it is nice to thank people when they’ve tried to help you, but that’s just me..you don’t have to go and thank each person who replied to you--just one simple post (or subject line) thanking everyone would do..it’s easy, it’s nice...but that’s just my opinion, and I respect yours as well..:)
Note: I’m not talking about necessarily thanking people for brief or fun/conversational replies, the kind that you frequently find on the social board, for instance.
Amy:)
This is the end of the thread.
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