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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by st@cy on December 13, 2003, at 13:10:30
i tried to post a message before, but i don't think i did it right. This is what i said anyway:
i think i might have APD because my symptoms match that of a person with ADP. You see, since i was fifteen i started having serious problems coping in social situations. I can't focus on conversations bc i'm too busy trying to analyze things in my head and i'm like thinking too much. Then, i feel really dumb bc the person i'm talking to probably thinks i'm really dumb or something, and usually they don't talk to me again, and if they do i have no idea what to say to them so i don't talk. I get so nervous and scared! Another thing that led me to believe that i might have a problem is this: i spend countless hours trying to look perfect because i figure if i can't wow 'em with my personality, i can at least fool them with my looks until they talk to me of course. All the time all i want is to be liked and approved of, but i feel like my personality is deformed somehow. it's like i repell people or something and i know that deep down inside i'm smart and i'm pretty, but i just can't socialize. i avoid going places and doing things bc i won't know how to deal with it. i act all anxious and tense and ppl think it's wierd. another thing that i think might have contributed to the way i am is bc my mom totally rejected me growing up. i was always shy, but when she put me second to her girlfriends or boyfriends and told me all of my feelings were wrong, i think it may have messed me up a little bit. I used to cut myself, i tried to get help and they thought i was depressed, but nothing they did fixed this problem. i never knew how to describe it, i just called it "this thing in my head". i have to deal with it every minute of every day and i long to be socially capable. please tell me what you guys think. am i just crazy or am i experiencing this thing called avoidant personality disorder?
Posted by sarita0001 on December 13, 2003, at 13:21:53
In reply to Is this what's wrong with me??, posted by st@cy on December 13, 2003, at 13:10:30
Hi,
I don't know if I can help by sharing some of my thoughts with you; many of them are similar to yours. I am almost always anxious around people, sometimes not but when I talk to people at times I don't fully pay attention because I think they are thinking something about me. It's easier for me to talk to one person rather than a group.
I was also criticized lots by my parents, everything I did was wrong or "you should have done this or that". My mom always picked out the imperfections in my face (things most people can't see) and weight. When people did find me attractive, I believed it but then wondered why my mom had such a problem with my looks.
I avoid doing lots of stuff too, would rather go in an elevator alone, anxious about meeting new people, etc. My worst nightmare is class presentations, some have been good some bad, but never as bad as I think when I ask others. Some days are better than others, but it'll take time for me to improve.
Anyways, you're not alone. There are many posts about it here and don't worry so much about finding a label for yourself. Everyone is an individual and even though a person might match symptoms of something, that doesn't define who they are.
Where have you gotten help in the past? It sounds like it might be helpful for you to talk to someone or maybe see a doctor. Keep us posted.
Sara
Posted by 8 Miles on December 13, 2003, at 18:44:16
In reply to Is this what's wrong with me??, posted by st@cy on December 13, 2003, at 13:10:30
Wow, St@cy, that seems like a really bad situation in which to find yourself. Whereas I have not had that sort of experience, I suffer from similarly debilitating conditions that cause me to draw up into a little ball. However, I DO see HOPE in your case. Mainly, because you WANT to be well. That alone tells me a lot about you. At least you have not resigned yourself to think this is a permanent condition. OK, I will need some more data in order to proffer you any hard suggestions. You said that you have received medical treatment. Can you remember WHAT and WHEN that was? Are you currently seeing a Pdoc or a counselor? How old are you, and what sort of living situation are you in (i.e. living with mom, or out on your own)? What you describe sounds a lot like social anxiety disorder, which can very easily be treated with meds and counseling. Meds as simple as Paxil and Klonopin would probably help you. Now please do NOT take this as medical advice, as I am in no professional capacity to offer you more than thoughts and possibilities. However, if you do not DO SOMETHING, you will probably not get any better from you own personal fortitude. Please give us some more information about yourself so that others CAN offer you thoughts and suggestions. No one here has not faced some sort of condition for which we, at that time, had an answer for.
Hope that helps,
8
Posted by JonW on December 14, 2003, at 16:50:20
In reply to Is this what's wrong with me??, posted by st@cy on December 13, 2003, at 13:10:30
> i think i might have APD because my symptoms match that of a person with ADP. You see, since i was fifteen i started having serious problems coping in social situations. I can't focus on conversations bc i'm too busy trying to analyze things in my head and i'm like thinking too much. Then, i feel really dumb bc the person i'm talking to probably thinks i'm really dumb or something, and usually they don't talk to me again, and if they do i have no idea what to say to them so i don't talk. I get so nervous and scared! Another thing that led me to believe that i might have a problem is this: i spend countless hours trying to look perfect because i figure if i can't wow 'em with my personality, i can at least fool them with my looks until they talk to me of course. All the time all i want is to be liked and approved of, but i feel like my personality is deformed somehow. it's like i repell people or something and i know that deep down inside i'm smart and i'm pretty, but i just can't socialize. i avoid going places and doing things bc i won't know how to deal with it. i act all anxious and tense and ppl think it's wierd. another thing that i think might have contributed to the way i am is bc my mom totally rejected me growing up. i was always shy, but when she put me second to her girlfriends or boyfriends and told me all of my feelings were wrong, i think it may have messed me up a little bit. I used to cut myself, i tried to get help and they thought i was depressed, but nothing they did fixed this problem. i never knew how to describe it, i just called it "this thing in my head". i have to deal with it every minute of every day and i long to be socially capable. please tell me what you guys think. am i just crazy or am i experiencing this thing called avoidant personality disorder?
Wow St@cy, I can relate! My parents were never overly critical (I often took it that way, though), but the illness you describe is the life I've been leading. I've only had one girlfriend, and it ended because of my own insecurities. I, too, try to make up for me with my appearance. I spend a lot of time trying to look good, and just as much time trying to look like I didn't try. It's ironic, funny, and sad all at once. I've been working a long time to make the inside match the outside, but often to no avail. I'm terrified of people. I'm stuck inside, alone in the corner of my mind. I always believed the things that make me unique are the things that isolate me, but I'm learning I was wrong. I'm making real progress, but somehow, the fear is stronger than I'll ever be. I hope that isn't true. I'm sorry for this whole message... I'm just kind of depressed right now, so I thought I'd bitch about being me. You see, there's a girl I like. I made plans with her this weekend, which is huge for me, but I cancelled. I'm terrified to call her and ask her to do something again. I feel like she wants nothing to do with me, and wishes I'd just leave her alone. I have no reason to think that, but it's how I feel and it's why I'm alone. I guess I just wanted to complain, and let you know that this shit sucks, but it can be overcome. We'll both beat it someday. Don't give up.... My advice would be to see the best pdoc and CBT therapist you can afford.
Jon :)
Posted by st@cy on December 15, 2003, at 19:06:05
In reply to Re: Is this what's wrong with me?? » st@cy, posted by JonW on December 14, 2003, at 16:50:20
the last time i got treatment or saw a counselor was three years ago when i was raped. they put me on risperdal and prozac, but it only made me more zombied out and inhibited than i already am! i didn't stick with the counseling either, although now i think i should have. That was three years ago, i'm 18 now and living at college. if there is any kind of a hell for someone like me it's living in college...around so many ppl all the time! i'm sorry about ranting, anyway...that's my story. thank you for listening!
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