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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Susan J on December 10, 2003, at 9:05:46
I'm really crabby and getting depressed again (crabby is always the first stage).
**I'm mad that the only guy I feel *any* type of connection to on this internet dating service writes me 5 times a freaking day but for some reason *won't* meet me. ???? I'm madder that I care.
**I'm mad that I can't lose these last 15 pounds.
**I'm mad that my SIL destroyed my brother's family.
**I'm mad that I can't make my dumb committee chairs get their act together at work so I can schedule a briefing.
**I'm mad that my job performance is suffering from the god da**** depression cr**.
**I'm mad that they don't value me enough at work to move my freaking suitemate from he** away from me even though I've asked formally like 3x.
**I'm mad that my suitemate only leaves me alone when I'm mean as he** to her, and I don't want to be like that.
*I'm mad that I'm getting depressed again and seem to have no freakin control over it.
**I'm mad that my dog's tumor returned this past week and she's only 5. She's the sweetest dog in the world and doesn't deserve to die early.How's that for a day brightener for all?
S.
Posted by Medusa on December 10, 2003, at 9:58:30
In reply to My Life Sucks :-(, posted by Susan J on December 10, 2003, at 9:05:46
Because a lot of strength is hiding there in that anger.
Here's a clichee for you: how about an aerobic boxing class? The bags are great, and so are the instructors. You can target internet boy, your SIL, your committee chairs, your suitemate, and maybe even some personification of your uncontrollable depression.
As for the "final 15" ... how about dressing them the way they are? The right top can make you feel like a princess.
For your dog, I have no words of comfort at all. Yes, that frankly is purely rotten.
(((((Susan)))))
Posted by Dinah on December 10, 2003, at 10:02:47
In reply to My Life Sucks :-(, posted by Susan J on December 10, 2003, at 9:05:46
:(
((((Susan))))
Depression is horrid, and it does affect the way we see everything around us. I'm having one of those life is horrid days too.
Didn't you say that your pup's cancer wasn't an aggressive one? They differ a lot in how lethal they are. I hope I'm remembering correctly. Five is too young to lose a friend.
Posted by Susan J on December 10, 2003, at 10:05:53
In reply to glad you're mad, posted by Medusa on December 10, 2003, at 9:58:30
Hiya, Med-
> Because a lot of strength is hiding there in that anger.
<<Yeah, I tend to agree with that....anger is much more motivating to me than sadness. :-)>
> Here's a clichee for you: how about an aerobic boxing class?
<<You know, I used to take a kickboxing class and I just loved it. Then, I got really out of shape and tried it again, only to be the worst in the class. I need to get in better cardio condition first...
>
> As for the "final 15" ... how about dressing them the way they are? The right top can make you feel like a princess.
<<Yeah, I agree. I just hate going to the freakin store buying a size bigger than I think I should be in....but there *is* hope. :-) A friend here at work to me about this Diet to Go program where they make all your meals for you and it's a balanced diet. My ex boyfriend did it 4 years ago and the food was delicious! I think I'm going to sign up for that, although it's a little pricy. But it will make it so I don't have to *think* about food constantly which I need to stop doing, the food is healthy and not refined or overprocessed, which I hate about stuff like the Lean Cuisine meals, and it'll give me a jump start on the Christmas season, and more dangerous, the Legislative Session that starts in January where my life is nothing but stress.> For your dog, I have no words of comfort at all. Yes, that frankly is purely rotten.
<<Yeah, it sucks. They operated last week on it, and I'll find out Saturday about the prognosis. I'm just feeling down right now so I expect the worst -- the fact it reappeared just *can't* be good.
> (((((Susan)))))
<<Thanks for your kind words. :-)S.
Posted by Susan J on December 10, 2003, at 13:25:08
In reply to Re: My Life Sucks :-( » Susan J, posted by Dinah on December 10, 2003, at 10:02:47
Hi, Dinah,
> Didn't you say that your pup's cancer wasn't an aggressive one? They differ a lot in how lethal they are. I hope I'm remembering correctly. Five is too young to lose a friend.
<<My vet said if they get it all, it's nothing to worry about. But they thought they got it all last time, and it reappeared. So a new, supposedly better surgeon did the surgery last week, but she was horribly mean to me. I asked if she thought she got it all, and she said "I got as much as I could! I got what I could without taking half the jaw off!" Soooo, I didn't feel like I could ask more questions....I take her back Saturday for a follow-up and I'll talk to the first surgeon about it.If it gets to the bone, it will spread to other parts of the body. But like I said, if they get it all, it is cured. It's not very agressive, but it seems to be persistent. If it means having surgery on her every 4 or 5 months, then fine. As long as that doesn't hurt her any, I'm fine with that....It's the not knowing that sux.
Thanks for your kind thoughts, too, Dinah,
Susan
Posted by 8 Miles on December 10, 2003, at 17:03:27
In reply to My Life Sucks :-(, posted by Susan J on December 10, 2003, at 9:05:46
Susan J.
Life quality is far too relative to be objective. I mean there are certain things about my life (like my job) that I absolutely HATE! However, when I try to take a "how much worse could I be" viewpoint, I actually have to give pause to my hatred of my "situation" because I KNOW I could be in a whole lot worse condition. I mean, I make good money, I have a warm place to sleep, I don't go hungry for lack of food, I have good support structures in place that can assist me....etc...
Now, when I look at life THAT way, I must admit that I consider myself lucky to have what I have because there are SO MANY who have exponentially less than I have. This may not help you re-evaluate your perspective (it took me some time to come to this realization)but I think that if you got a sheet of paper, and wrote in one column the "good" things in your life, and in another column wrote down the "bad" things, I posit that you will find the good will outweigh the bad (if you are honest with yourself). Please DO let me know how you feel after considering life this way. I would be more than happy to give you a pep talk if you would find that useful.OK?
OK!
8
Posted by octopusprime on December 10, 2003, at 21:28:18
In reply to My Life Sucks :-(, posted by Susan J on December 10, 2003, at 9:05:46
hi susan
i see you've joined us on the journey to the angry experience. your experience is quite different than fallsfall. while you are indeed angry, when i read your angry list i noticed that many of your points concerned feeling powerless about affecting change in your own life. suffering occurs because you are powerless over other people and nature's course of things.
it's very sad that your dog is sick and that your brother's family has broken up. anger is a stage of grief. now i'm no grief expert (even though i dish it out pretty good - harhar). however, in situations like these, it might help you to read a book on grieving and understanding what to expect. it's part of a process. it's not fair. it's not right. life sucks. but you can take control of how you grieve your losses (and your family's losses), learning how is a step towards empowering yourself.
now work. work. work! bah. i'm no help here - i have very little emotionally invested in my job, so people can generally screw me over at work and it just pretty much rolls off me. however, if you *are* emotionally invested in your job, and you find that you can't affect change in your current place in the organization, maybe it is time for a new job. seriously. it's a sign of disrespect to you if you are angry, have calmly and constructively voiced your concerns, and have got nowhere fast. that's a key indicator of "time to move on".
you're angry at yourself: for the weight, for caring about the behviour about other people, for being depressed. it says a lot about your self-image, that you are so critical of your own thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. again, learning to change your own self-image is empowering, a therapist can hook you up with the tools.
finally: men. ultimately frustrating! but if you are angry that you are emailing him frequently, yet not getting anywhere, maybe it is time to reduce contact? develop other interests. you can't force people to feel what you feel. it sucks, not fair, blech. but, identifying what you want from an encounter, and identifying the steps that you can take when the encounter doesn't go the way you want, is empowering.
so the long and rambly message i have is about empowerment. anger can be empowering if we harness it for use in productive ways! fight the power! burn our bras! i'm feeling empowered!
Posted by Susan J on December 11, 2003, at 8:02:53
In reply to Re: My Life Sucks :-( » Susan J, posted by 8 Miles on December 10, 2003, at 17:03:27
Hello,
>> when I try to take a "how much worse could I be" viewpoint, I actually have to give pause to my hatred of my "situation" because I KNOW I could be in a whole lot worse condition.
<<Yeah, you are right. When I think about my SIL, who's slim and pretty and has a brand new car and all that, I remember she's emotionally bankrupt and probably will be condemned to a horrible, empty life because she has no appreciation for the important things in her life (family/baby/any other human other than herself). I wouldn't want to be her for the world. At least I have a *chance* at happiness. :-)Thanks again!
Susan
Posted by Susan J on December 11, 2003, at 8:06:59
In reply to mad or powerless?, posted by octopusprime on December 10, 2003, at 21:28:18
Hi, Octo,
>>when i read your angry list i noticed that many of your points concerned feeling powerless about affecting change in your own life.
<<That's a really good point. :-)> finally: men. ultimately frustrating! but if you are angry that you are emailing him frequently, yet not getting anywhere, maybe it is time to reduce contact?
<<Yeah, I gave him an ultimatum yesterday, well not really an ultimatum, but I told him he's gotta tell me if he just wants an e-mail penpal type thing, or whatever, and it kind of freaked him out. Of course, this is not getting me anywhere further unless I actually get to go out with him, but I'm not too worried about it anymore.
>> develop other interests.
<<Actually, other than feeling slumpy again and hating work, I *like* my outside personal life a lot now, for the first time in years....
>>you can't force people to feel what you feel.
<<yeah. I guess I get more frustrated when I get mixed signals, or maybe I'm not reading them right. Like the fact he e-mails all the time yet hedges on meeting. If he'd lost interest, wouldn't the e-mails die down a bit?
> so the long and rambly message i have is about empowerment. anger can be empowering if we harness it for use in productive ways! fight the power! burn our bras! i'm feeling empowered!
<<Yup, I gotta get there...if I can just get thru this week and next at work I think I'll be OK.Thanks!
Susan
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