Shown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by octiigon on November 15, 2003, at 3:23:50
Hi everyone.... I recovered from a long time huge depression and anxiety (panic disorder) for around two months.
I don't like to complain- but just wondering if anyone else has experienced this....
I felt alive for about two months- thought I could do anything- never felt as low as I did previously in life.
And then I feel the darkness slipping back into my mind, I don't know how to fight it off. I've tried positive self talk but it just barrages me. The signs of how I was before have started reoccuring (crying myself to sleep- or whenever i'm alone, thoughts of suicide, hatred for those who've hurt me in the past, flashbacks of how those people hurt me, and, finally, overall dissatisfaction with my life)
I know part of the reason why I feel this way. I've been mostly isolated my whole life- and now I feel even more isolated than ever before. Each day begins and ends alone, everywhere I go- I'm alone. If I go to the movies- I'm alone.
It isn't something I like all too much either, it's just i've had so many problems with choosing the wrong friends (aka friends that only want to bring you down) and destructive relationships (aka she was a total and complete sadistic psycho- who thrived on seeing me in pain).
Does anyone else live like this? It would really help me to know if anyone does- I fear I'll fall off the edge completely. I guess I just don't know what to do with myself...
Posted by Destroyo on November 15, 2003, at 3:53:00
In reply to Slipping Under Again, posted by octiigon on November 15, 2003, at 3:23:50
I hope you can do better than me, when it comes to navigating the various pitfalls of human interaction. I wouldn't wish my own experience onto anyone. I've been in your shoes, uncomfortable as they are, and after I spent 20 years in 'em, I got to where I just didn't give a damn any more. They say no man's an island, but, if worse comes to worse, you can survive. You have to learn to rely on yourself; to trust your own instincts; your own intellect. Everyone's got an agenda, the only person that you can trust, in the final analysis, to look out for your own best interests, is YOU!
Posted by karen_kay on November 15, 2003, at 9:49:02
In reply to Slipping Under Again, posted by octiigon on November 15, 2003, at 3:23:50
I know exactly what you are saying. I have Bipolar Disorder, so I tend to go in cycles, and my depression can last for years at a time. What I try to do is really get involved in something I enjoy. And I know how hard it is to do. I love to read, even aobut my mood disorder. And I can read two or three books a day. Also, I force myself to volunteer at animal shelters. Even once every two weeks makes you feel good. Also, try calling your family. Just hearing a familiar voice helps. You don't have to talk much, I know I don't. And it helps to make and keep appointments with a therapist. I know when I am depressed, I try not to tell my therapist. But, just going in every week, having a schedule helps to keep me sane. Keeping a schedule and people in contact with me, even though I dislike the human contact, helps to keep it together. And the simple things like ice cream and flowers always help! And keep posting here! We'll always be here to listen and help you through it. It does get better! Karen
Posted by Waterlily on November 16, 2003, at 16:12:47
In reply to Slipping Under Again, posted by octiigon on November 15, 2003, at 3:23:50
Unfortunately, I know how you feel. I've been doing reasonably well for several months. I even got my hopes up that I was out of the woods, thinking there was a possibility that I wouldn't experience depression for years to come. It was not to be. Six weeks ago a physical stressor sent me into depression which I've been strugging with. Only keeping my mind occupied with other things helps, but it gets exhausting because I can't ever relax. I'm always fighting to stay above water. It shouldn't be this hard to be content or happy. I'm married 15 years with two children. I cannot afford to let them down by being depressed. I started Luvox on Friday in addition to the Wellbutrin I've been on for many years. I'm hoping that the Luvox starts working soon.
Posted by almondjoy on November 18, 2003, at 2:44:57
In reply to Re: Slipping Under Again, posted by Waterlily on November 16, 2003, at 16:12:47
I understand too, and I think I realized it sooner other times, but after two months of everything being just peachy, all the sudden i started getting more tired and everything started seeming to hard. Now I don't want to be around anyone again, irritable, having nightmares. I'm tired now...tried crying myself to sleep but couldn't fall asleep even then. I don't know. It seems like I think "there is an answer, find it and everything will be perfect A+" so i find it and everything is B- (but who could ask for more) then i think i've found IT so no worries, until IT isn't really IT and i have to keep looking (unless i don't feel like it anymore and i take a break for days or weeks or months then i keep looking) because "there is an answer"
ive been trying to find acceptance in that im not going to one day be cured and find myself mentally healthy forever, I could deal with a certain level of discomfort but i feel like im going back past ok past discomfort past pain and directly to agonizing desperation. i don't know how to stop myself where i am though.
i can look at my meds and stress level and diet and exercise and all the ITs that might help if i recycle them but whats that going to doi hate the feeling when my head is out of control. (like when its 340a and i have to be up for class in 4 hours.)
I don't have any suggestions really, just know i empathize...sending you a psychic hug ;)
Posted by Stavros on November 18, 2003, at 22:05:58
In reply to Re: Slipping Under Again, posted by Waterlily on November 16, 2003, at 16:12:47
Waterlily.
I totally feel your pain about keeping my head above water. I never seem to go under but then again never seem to drown. I hate being conscious and I am living for my fam too. I just went off wellbutrin and onto strattera. The inbetween meds kills me! I mean kills me. Trying to hang in there
> Unfortunately, I know how you feel. I've been doing reasonably well for several months. I even got my hopes up that I was out of the woods, thinking there was a possibility that I wouldn't experience depression for years to come. It was not to be. Six weeks ago a physical stressor sent me into depression which I've been strugging with. Only keeping my mind occupied with other things helps, but it gets exhausting because I can't ever relax. I'm always fighting to stay above water. It shouldn't be this hard to be content or happy. I'm married 15 years with two children. I cannot afford to let them down by being depressed. I started Luvox on Friday in addition to the Wellbutrin I've been on for many years. I'm hoping that the Luvox starts working soon.
Posted by Waterlily on November 22, 2003, at 8:27:30
In reply to Re: Slipping Under Again, posted by Stavros on November 18, 2003, at 22:05:58
Thanks. It feels good to know that someone knows how I feel. I hope the Strattera works out for you.
I, too, hate being conscious. The Luvox appears to be inducing increased anxiety, particularily in the morning. Makes it difficult to get to work when you're so scared. I told my pdoc the other day that this is mental torture. I would love to take Ativan to keep me asleep until this whole thing blows over. I don't though. Just take .5 mg in the am and try to keep my mind occupied with other things. The depression does appear to be getting a little better. My therapist will be back from vacation this week, so hopefully she can help me through this transition stage. I'm going on a cruise with my family in two weeks and am feeling a lot of pressure to be better mentally by then. It would really stink if I wasn't able to enjoy it.
> Waterlily.
>
> I totally feel your pain about keeping my head above water. I never seem to go under but then again never seem to drown. I hate being conscious and I am living for my fam too. I just went off wellbutrin and onto strattera. The inbetween meds kills me! I mean kills me. Trying to hang in there
>
>
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