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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by babs on May 25, 2003, at 18:28:33
I'm in a bad state right now. My mom died six weeks ago and I can't stop doubting that I really love my boyfriend. Over and over again, I keep looking for signs that I don't really love him or that I can't marry him. The thoughts are causing me a lot of anxiety and they don't make sense because we were so close while my mom was sick and dying. It's so bad that when I try to look into my heart to see how I really feel I can't shut out all the noise my brain is making. I'm on the verge of tears all the time because these thoughts are really hurtful but I can't stop ruminating.
I'm on meds for OCD (low dose risperdal and celexa) and an increase in obsessions has always been a warning sign that a depression is coming. Are my meds not working? Does this sound like OCD to you?
I'm starting to pay attention to them and am wondering if maybe it's a sign we're not right for each other but he's the person I love best in the world. But if I really loved him why would I be having these horrible thoughts. It's so bad that I'm not even thinking about the fact that my mom died- all I can do is think about whether or not I "really" love him.
I'm having a really hard time so gentle responses only please.
Posted by kalyb on May 25, 2003, at 19:14:38
In reply to be gentle with me- is this my ocd?, posted by babs on May 25, 2003, at 18:28:33
Hey babs,
I don't know if I can say anything to make you feel better, but I'd sure love to be able to.
I know exactly what you mean about the thinking and worrying, I was the same only a few weeks ago until I started my meds (Effexor). Then everything quietened down, and I started to feel much more relaxed. I get that unbreakable cycle of anxious thoughts too, a lot, always have done, and they do drive me crazy. I don't know if it's OCD or not. I just know how much it hurts not to be able to switch it off.
A good friend once said to me: "It's not good to think too much" and sometimes other friends who have seen me in my stuck thought patterns say something similar. I know that with or without meds, time heals and soothes the panic of the thoughts.
So babs, if you possibly can, don't think too much :) Maybe see if you can find a relaxation technique... or, because you're going through so much stress right now, have a word with your doctor about increasing your meds perhaps? Just a suggestion.... a thought, from someone who knows what it's like. I think when all is calm again, you will be more in touch with your self.
Kalyb xx
> I'm in a bad state right now. My mom died six weeks ago and I can't stop doubting that I really love my boyfriend. Over and over again, I keep looking for signs that I don't really love him or that I can't marry him. The thoughts are causing me a lot of anxiety and they don't make sense because we were so close while my mom was sick and dying. It's so bad that when I try to look into my heart to see how I really feel I can't shut out all the noise my brain is making. I'm on the verge of tears all the time because these thoughts are really hurtful but I can't stop ruminating.
>
> I'm on meds for OCD (low dose risperdal and celexa) and an increase in obsessions has always been a warning sign that a depression is coming. Are my meds not working? Does this sound like OCD to you?
>
> I'm starting to pay attention to them and am wondering if maybe it's a sign we're not right for each other but he's the person I love best in the world. But if I really loved him why would I be having these horrible thoughts. It's so bad that I'm not even thinking about the fact that my mom died- all I can do is think about whether or not I "really" love him.
>
> I'm having a really hard time so gentle responses only please.
Posted by noa on May 25, 2003, at 20:08:21
In reply to Re: be gentle with me- is this my ocd?, posted by kalyb on May 25, 2003, at 19:14:38
Babs, can you make a pact with your self (or with us, your babble buddies) that you will suspend conclusions for a while until you get through this hard time? I know you probably cannot "turn off" the obsessive thinking, but maybe you can try to convince yourself that you don't have to come to any decisions or conclusions about anything important based on those never ending obsessive thoughts.
Can you call your pdoc and ask if it would make sense to increase your risperdal a bit?
Posted by kara lynne on May 25, 2003, at 20:51:48
In reply to be gentle with me- is this my ocd?, posted by babs on May 25, 2003, at 18:28:33
Hi babs,
I just wanted to extend a good thought in your direction. I'm sorry you're going through so much pain right now.It sure does sound (IMHO) like OCD to me, which would be reasonable considering what a trauma you have recently experienced. It makes sense that that would be kicked up. I agree wholeheartedly with noa, not to pressure yourself to come to any conclusions until you're feeling better. Somewhere in the back of my chaotic mind I'm recalling that that kind of thought pattern is common to have about the people that we *do* love. Of course I don't know your true feelings, but I know you will find them for yourself in time and they will be ok no matter what they are.
Take it from someone who has the most horrible thoughts about everything--sometimes, most of the time (mercifully), they don't have the meaning we attach to them. It's just the d*mn fear and obsession talking--and self punishment on top of that.
So at the risk of sounding over-simple, and giving advice I have trouble taking myself, try to take care and be gentle with yourself right now. It sounds like an increase in meds might be a good idea to get you through this period--along with as much T.L.C. as you can get!
My thoughts are with you,
Kara
Posted by Dinah on May 25, 2003, at 21:00:40
In reply to be gentle with me- is this my ocd?, posted by babs on May 25, 2003, at 18:28:33
> It's so bad that I'm not even thinking about the fact that my mom died- all I can do is think about whether or not I "really" love him.
>Hi Babs,
You know, sometimes I wonder if OCD has a purpose. If it keeps us from thinking about what is unthinkable by focusing our minds on something else. At least I suspect that that is sometimes the case for me.
Noa is right. There is no need to decide whether you really love him right now. I dated my husband thirteen years trying to make sure that he was the right guy for me. I'm not advocating *that*, but there's no hurry.
And an increase in Risperdal might help.
But most of all be gentle with yourself. Quit beating yourself up about obsessing about it. If the thoughts come, they come. They may or may not mean anything. They may be something you need to do to blunt the impact of your mother's death until you are ready to deal with it. And then of course, stress of any kind exacerbates OCD. Absolve yourself of responsibility for the thoughts. Try to accept that they just *are*, like the weather. And talk to a good therapist about it. I've found that obsessive thoughts grow stronger by a) secrecy and b) fighting them.
Posted by lostsailor on May 25, 2003, at 21:50:30
In reply to be gentle with me- is this my ocd?, posted by babs on May 25, 2003, at 18:28:33
Posted by Snoozy on May 25, 2003, at 22:42:47
In reply to be gentle with me- is this my ocd?, posted by babs on May 25, 2003, at 18:28:33
Hi Babs -
I'm very sorry for your loss. I have OCD too, and when I'm under a lot of stress, it usually gets worse.
I'm glad Dinah mentioned this, because I was thinking along the same lines. I have a hard time buying it sometimes, but my therapist suggests the OCD thoughts may have a purpose in crowding out more unpleasant thoughts. (If that's the case, evolution sure has a looong way to go yet!)
I would echo the advice of not making any big decisions at this time. And seeing a therapist, if you haven't already, would probably be helpful. There are also grief counselors and support groups. And then there's always us here!
I hope things get better for you soon.
Posted by babs on May 26, 2003, at 10:04:27
In reply to Re: be gentle with me- is this my ocd?, posted by noa on May 25, 2003, at 20:08:21
Thanks Noa and Everyone- yes I can make a pact with you all that I won't do anything until I feel better. I actually told my boyfriend last nigfht about the obsessions. He was so great about it- he actually tried to tickle them out of me. Imagine if tickle therapy worked? It was good to tell him because I've noticed that these thoughts gain power if I keep them to myself. As soon as I talk about them and label them as obsessive thinking they seem to lose some of their strength. He was so understanding about it, didn't judge me and wasn't even scared. He told me he knows that I love him no matter what my evil brain might be telling me right now.
I am also going to call my pdoc and see what we can do about meds.
Thank you all so much for your kind and gentle responses- I'm trying to be gentle on myself and it helps when others are gentle on you too. What beautiful people you all are. Peace, babs
Posted by lostsailor on May 26, 2003, at 10:48:40
In reply to Re: be gentle with me- is this my ocd?, posted by babs on May 26, 2003, at 10:04:27
when I read your post I thought it said "could this be my ocd...I am sorry if you read it and thought i was "teasing" or you know....
I will be more careful and we are always here. Lately I have been reading more than writting though. Now I think I earned yet another "self: PDC" uuuggggg
in peace,
~tony
Posted by babs on May 26, 2003, at 10:59:02
In reply to gentle with my ocd?sotty my post with the smile..., posted by lostsailor on May 26, 2003, at 10:48:40
Dear Tony- No problem. I was so beside myself with anxiety that I just didn't get it- I'm not sure I get it now. I thought you were just trying to be a poet and rhyme. But I assure you no offense was taken, you sotty man. Peace to you, babs
Posted by Dinah on May 26, 2003, at 22:32:03
In reply to Re: be gentle with me- is this my ocd?, posted by babs on May 26, 2003, at 10:04:27
Tickle therapy sounds great for OCD. :) In fact anything that bursts the bubble of importance that OCD assumes is good for it I think. Laughing at the obsessions seems to lessen them. One of my favorite tips comes from the book "Stop Obsessing!: How to Overcome Your Obsessions and Compulsions" by Edna B. Foa (I think). I sing the obsession. At the top of my lungs to the worst tune I can think of. Just don't use a nursery rhyme tune, that just makes the thoughts creepy (at least for me).
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