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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Gracie2 on October 11, 2002, at 1:51:04
I've looked at 1000 e-mails just like that and wondered, what good would it do?
A couple-three years ago, I insisted that my husband terminate his on-line relationship with God Knows Who. I told him that he was a fool to imagine his letters were going to a Victoria's Secret model who could not find a date. He told me that I was a fool to imagine that his correspondence with Miss Cow-Patty in Wisconsin could ever be serious, and I had to deal with their friendship.
Unable to deal with their friendship, and his declaration that I could do nothing about it, I took a large pair of sewing scissors and cut the computer line to the moniter.
He bought another, larger computer, and I gave up.
I don't know who he talks to, I don't know what he says. He's always been a good provider and a good father to my son, and I love him for that. When I was hospitilized for mental problems he came to see me every day, and I love him for that too.
We are still together but very much alone after almost 20 years. In the past he's read my postings
here on PB, I never expected he would do such a thing and whatever I wrote pretty much estranged him. If he's reading this now, I want him to know that I love him and I would do anything to be close to him again.
I love you, Ken.
-S
Posted by jyl on October 11, 2002, at 6:28:39
In reply to Lover cheating online? Catch them in the act., posted by Gracie2 on October 11, 2002, at 1:51:04
isnt "online"love imaginary or just porn?
dont take it so hard-it just invisible friends.
if my hubby read anything i posted he would
possitively try to commite me.
how could i be twisted?i am a mom.
sunshine lollipops
jyl
Posted by NikkiT2 on October 11, 2002, at 7:29:20
In reply to Re: Lover cheating online? Catch them in the act., posted by jyl on October 11, 2002, at 6:28:39
jyl - On line love can be very real... I married my on line love!!! *big grins*
BUT, it can also be very innocent.. I have many many on line friends, male and female, who I chat to with great regularity... some I'm very close to and talk to about things I could never talk about face to face with someone...
My husband also has on line friends who he talks to alot.. some he's been chatting to for years and years, some are newer friends.. again they're both male and female..But if he ever came on here and read my posts and I found out his life would not be worth living.
It all comes down to trust. My husband is the first person in my life that I have trusted and its a strange feeling...
Nikki xx
Posted by jyl on October 11, 2002, at 9:34:00
In reply to Re: Lover cheating online? Catch them in the act., posted by NikkiT2 on October 11, 2002, at 7:29:20
i never ment to say online love and friends are not real....
i dont even have real ones-lol
i ment,that i dont feel close to anyone right now, real or invisible?
dont know what i ment?sorry
bad day here:(
jyl
Posted by Eddie Sylvano on October 11, 2002, at 9:47:45
In reply to Lover cheating online? Catch them in the act., posted by Gracie2 on October 11, 2002, at 1:51:04
>If he's reading this now, I want him to know that I love him and I would do anything to be close to him again.
> I love you, Ken.
----------------------Awww. That is so sweet. It seems like it is so rare that people openly acknowledge their afections. I've found that it's genuinely rare to encounter someone that will say such things to you, especially in the long term, and mean it. Ken's a fortunate guy.
I don't know what it is about long term relationships that result in such estrangement, but it's not uncommon. After being married to my ex for 6 years, it's almost hard to think of them objectively, as real people, because your experience of them is so intimate and constant. Given the right circumstances, it's not hard to lose appreciation for the other person. The only thing that can usually undo that is seperation, though by that time, things are too late. If people could only take the time to honestly evaluate the good things about their partners while they're still together, instead of taking them for granted and then looking for novelty.
Anyway, I wouldn't worry too much about his online thing. All you can really do is love your partner and let them choose their own paths.
Posted by Ted on October 11, 2002, at 11:28:00
In reply to Lover cheating online? Catch them in the act., posted by Gracie2 on October 11, 2002, at 1:51:04
Hi Gracie,
A secretary at a former job used to say, "I don't care where my husband gets his appetite as long as he eats at home." I hope you see the analogy in the statement (please reply if you need help). I, personally, see online relationships in two forms:
1. The LJBF category, where they just talk like any friends would. They will talk about what bothers them, what excites them, about their family and their vacations. Yes, it may have some lurid talk of sex, but it isn't the discussion topic very often, and when it is, it has some meaning, as answers to questions about something related to a spouse/SO/relationship in person. Yeah, they might even flirt a little, but not seriously.
2. Cyber (phone) sex. This is just porn talk for it's own sake. Sex is always the topic in one form or another.
In my opinion, category 1 is just a cyber penpal and harmless. INSIST that if he should EVER meet his penpal in person, that you are invited or your relationship is at that time terminated, PERIOD. Category 2 is where you have to pay attention. Insist that it end if you are uncomfortable. This is much more difficult to control. BTW: your husband's partner if probably another man if this is the case.Gracie, look back on the PSB archives for a few months ago. Dinah and I flirted a bit, in public no less. We are both married (but not to each other!). Does that make us terrible cheats? No, it was just playful fun; it ended on its own.
Ted
(oh, and btw, if you are clever, you can find the contents of his emails without knowing his password. You can snoop stealthily to your heart's content.)
Posted by karla on October 12, 2002, at 16:22:28
In reply to Lover cheating online? Catch them in the act., posted by Gracie2 on October 11, 2002, at 1:51:04
I have married friends. My girlfriend had many online friends that she corresponded with daily. However, she fell into depression, started to have marrage problems and felt her husband didn't understand her anymore. She imagined alot of things that were not true. She ended up sending pictures of herself online to one of her friends. Then they met. Then they became boyfriend and girlfriend. The relationship lasted a couple of months. In the meantime her husband and kids were devistated. Now she is dating a local man. The point is of this that most onnline relationships never meet. However, if they do and the person decides to have an affair. They would probably have the affair even if the internet were not involved because they are confused and unhappy in the relationship. So if you suspect something is going on talk to your spouse and let them know how much you love them and find out if they are unhappy. If they say they are happy there is not much you can do. Otherwise you have opened a dialog and started to improve your marriage. Good luck!
Posted by Devastated on October 13, 2002, at 18:27:40
In reply to Lover cheating online? Catch them in the act., posted by Gracie2 on October 11, 2002, at 1:51:04
The intimacy of anonymous online chatting, the openness with which people share themselves and their lives, and the easy availability of someone to "care", may lead to relationships that are much more intimate than a typical friendship. It is so much easier to drop defenses and share intimacies that normally wouldn't be a part of a casual frienship. People fall in love all the time via the internet and those feelings, while perhaps colored by fantasy, can be as real as "real life". When the chatters are married to other people, the gratification that comes from such a relationship can create a situation that may end up with serious consequences. They don't even necessarily need to meet each other in person for their relationship to cause damage that may be irrepairable. I know; my spouse got involved in such an affair and the feeling of betrayal and hurt is unbearable. So, my message to people involved in such relationships is to be careful, be aware of your significant other's feelings about the relationship, and make sure it is worth the price you or others might pay.
Posted by Gracie2 on October 14, 2002, at 19:24:07
In reply to Lover cheating online? Catch them in the act., posted by Gracie2 on October 11, 2002, at 1:51:04
This is the end of the thread.
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