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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by floatingbridge on March 17, 2010, at 11:22:08
Finally. I've seen others have them--a shift in mood on or near an anniversary of an event. I've had them, unawares--the time of year my father died, and I've spun out.
Today is my son's birthday. Happy happy, right? Well why am i all out of sorts? I get it! His birth was traumatic for me (not him, thank goodness). However, not until a few months ago did I realize this with the help of my doctor who said it triggered the ever lurking ptsd.
So today, after a night of back pain that kept me fitfully asleep awake, a casual friend says happy birthday mama, you were hard at work on this day, did I remember. How much guilt I have around his birth--the emergency c-section, my freak-out after he was delivered and I knew he was healthy. I thought I was going to lose my mind--really--it was unbearable. Finally, a nurse (thank god for nurses!) say how bad I was and pointed this out to the doctors who mercifully knocked me out. Had I to do it again (which I don't) I'd have them put me under in advance.
I was unable to hold my son in the 'afterglow' moments of birth. The entire fairytale overturned--strong, loving mother; the woman's rite of passage.
I'm a d*mn good mother, given what I have to pull uphill every day. My doc asked me what I thought a hero was. I said, um, I don't know. He said, someone who does what they need to do, against all odds, who cares deeply, who doesn't give up, etc. He meant someone like me. (Someone who might post on babble :-D .)
If you've read this, thanks!
Posted by Phillipa on March 17, 2010, at 17:09:50
In reply to think I'm having an anniversary moment...., posted by floatingbridge on March 17, 2010, at 11:22:08
Sweetie I know what you mean about Anniversary dates in a different way like my own Birthday and older. And death of parents. Those kind of events leave me feeling strange and kind of out of it and I don't know what it is at the time. You know what your's is how tramautic this must have for you. So sorry. Love Phillipa
Posted by rnny on March 17, 2010, at 21:42:17
In reply to think I'm having an anniversary moment...., posted by floatingbridge on March 17, 2010, at 11:22:08
That was so nice how you put that. Beautiful.
Posted by Dinah on March 18, 2010, at 9:42:09
In reply to think I'm having an anniversary moment...., posted by floatingbridge on March 17, 2010, at 11:22:08
That fairytale should be put out of its misery. If some women get it, that's wonderful for them, but a good portion of women don't and mother and baby are just fine. For most of history the maternal death rate was staggering. If you're just asleep for a while after a C section, and the baby is well cared for, there'll be plenty of other chances for bonding - not to mention all those prenatal chances for bonding.
Strong loving mother comes from all those countless moments while they are growing up.
A lot of trauma and guilt is caused by those myths. :(
And I don't think my viewpoint is affected by responding very badly to the anesthetic and having them put me under completely as soon as it was safe for the baby.
I'm sorry you're having a rough time. Your doc is right about heroes. Maybe now that you're aware of your associations you might be able to lessen the annual feelings?
Posted by floatingbridge on March 19, 2010, at 10:40:55
In reply to think I'm having an anniversary moment...., posted by floatingbridge on March 17, 2010, at 11:22:08
Thanks Gals!
I had a very good day after writing that--thanks for reading and commenting.
I was thinking that that was a big step for me (recognizing a trigger and being able to address it). Instead, I've decided to put it on the victory celebration list. Making a big step implies going somewhere--which also implies a potential return. Celebration implies, for me, what I would do for a friend--be happy for their successful event.
Writing that post was very helpful--thanks for listening.
And Dinah, I have started thinking about a list of sorts--dates and times of year--a good idea.
fb
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