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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Miller on November 15, 2002, at 11:47:34
I am wondering if anyone else has a problem dealing with regrets. I have done some horrible things to myself and to other people. What's worse, is that I seem to continue to do bad things. It's like I am a three year old how just seem to "learn the lesson". So, I am guilty for past deeds knowing that they are also future deeds. There really is no hope if I can't/won't change. But how does a person change? I feel hopeless, sad, and lonely because of it.
Any help or information would be appreciated.
-Miller
Posted by Phil on November 15, 2002, at 12:37:05
In reply to Regrets, posted by Miller on November 15, 2002, at 11:47:34
I had a friend and band mate that got into coke and lost everything; money, family, house.
I wanted to help with one of my emotional pleas to see the light but asked my mother, a recovered alcoholic, what to say.
She just said, "Tell him he doesn't have to live that way." Short and simple-you make your choices.
I struggle with regrets but in the end, life's just practice.
If you can't change, try therapy. If you won't change, try not to let it weigh you down.
You can change but get help if it all hurts too much.Phil
Posted by Eddie Sylvano on November 15, 2002, at 14:20:49
In reply to Regrets, posted by Miller on November 15, 2002, at 11:47:34
>But how does a person change? I feel hopeless, sad, and lonely because of it.
> Any help or information would be appreciated.
---------------If you're looking for a prescription for change, I would say that it's all about awareness and vigilance.
You do the things you do by default. It's how you've come to deal with things, and doesn't require much thought. The only way to change things is to override your defaults. To do this, you need to maintain a nearly constant surveilance of yourself when you're in situations where your actions matter. No one else is going to be there to tell you what to do, so you need to rely on yourself.
You almost have to operate beyond yourself, so that you can make more concious decisions about what you want to say, do, etc. Slow down your response rate, and evaluate situations more dispassionately (like, what would you tell a friend to do in the same situation?). If you can master this, there's no reason you can't be anyone you want to be. It's hard to do, and not as immediately rewarding as just going with your gut, but it seems like the only way.
Posted by rayww on November 16, 2002, at 17:32:11
In reply to Regrets, posted by Miller on November 15, 2002, at 11:47:34
http://www.peakstates.com/how_to_do_basic_for_non.htmI learned how to do this from a professional, yet I have seen those who are ready for it figure it out by just reading it. Whole Hearted Healing involves getting inside your emotions and resting in them. I'm not going to try to explain it here, but if you have some time alone, I encourage you to study this. When you said "three year old" that suggested to me that there is likely something from that age that you could work on. Just like for me it was 18, the age I was when my father died. Grief and loss can play a role in locking us into a certain age type maturity.
This is the end of the thread.
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