![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 19 to 43 of 89. Go back in thread:
Posted by alexandra_k on December 11, 2018, at 2:52:03
In reply to Re: I don't know what to do, posted by alexandra_k on December 11, 2018, at 2:44:03
but i do know they are not getting more work out of me.
i said: evidence of completion by december 7 and i need to be finished up by february 25.
i meant that.
that's not negotiable.
that's the pivot.
and that is why it is the only thing they are hell bent on getting moving.
if you say 'do whatever you want but don't do x'
they will go
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxi remember that. that feeling. that urge. i don't know what it was. but, yeah. i remembe rthat. from when i was younger. how i would test clniicians. how i would think that if they couldn't pass my tests they wouldn't be strong enough to work with me / be solid for me. i used ot push, yeah.
but these are highly paid people. highly paid to do a job. i got myself into debt to subsidise their jobs.
duty of care doesnt mean anything to these people.
they just see themselves as head of a hierarchy which means they have the power to bully.
how am in supposed to interact with that?
i've seen it on previously-med guy. you pretend to be anxious and concerned and supplicant. you seek reassurance from them. you be all like 'i don't know if this is okay -- what do you think? i'm really worried?' and you stay that way until other people reassure you and reassure you again and reassure you again and again and then belly laugh and love your supplication. they give you permission to continue... that's how it's done.
i can't do that.
i don't know that i can explain it. for me... it has the flavor of sexual favors or something. i mean... i have a repulsion... i can't / won't do that.
i feel very strongly that you shouldn't need to ask permission of others to do whatever.
but i guess i am not a hierarchical person.
Posted by alexandra_k on December 11, 2018, at 13:33:40
In reply to Re: I don't know what to do, posted by alexandra_k on December 11, 2018, at 2:52:03
I maybe figured out a way.
If Auckland will accept the confirmation by y date and Waikato can confirm acceptance by y date with the provision that I take 10 weeks to make editorial changes then... That would bring final submission to late Feb. And I started in early March. It was just that they bullied me into accepting an official start enrolment date of early May because they took processing time and refused to backdate it.
And maybe that will be acceptable to both. The Auckland people were reasonable, before, about the interview mix up. And I suppose it depends on their reasonableness, really. Whether they accept the late confirmation, I mean. It was Waikato taking longer to process things *every step of the way* that meant the second examiners report wasn't back in time.
I don't understand why Waikato has been so crap / unhelpful about this. I get that they think their job is to... Do something like this. Try and bully people into taking 2 academic years to complete 1 years worth of work...
What kind of healthcare do they want for themselves and the people they love? Maybe they do want the kind whereby it takes 2x as long to get the tests to labs... To get the lab results back... To get the treatment... To live 1/2 the life they would otherwise. Maybe this just is... Uh... The other side of the coin on that.
Maybe it is.
Maybe this is about cutting ties, for me.
I know I said stuff previously about thinking I have some kind of debt to NZ... But really it was more that I was bonded here, since I was a citizen of here. Not eligable / don't have any ability at all to pursue my goals overseas. They have enough of their own rubbish to deal with. But ultimately my duty is to the world, I think. Humanity or something. Why stay here and help people reinvent the wheel when you can work with the world leading engineers and pave the way? It's a different skill set that gets the things that are already worked out to be implemented.
I can't wait to get outta here.
Posted by alexandra_k on December 11, 2018, at 13:48:48
In reply to Re: maybe..., posted by alexandra_k on December 11, 2018, at 13:33:40
I guess it is maybe helpful in thinking of it as a lifes lesson in how most people will treat others -- if they think they can get away with it.
Given that that is the case, you need to be aware that that is what most people are up to and plan / handle / manage yourself accordingly. Otherwise those other people will simply suck your life away...
It doesn't mean that the only way out or through is to join them. In behaving similarly, I mean. But it does mean that you need to cover your tracks anticipating that people will likely try it on if they think they can get away with it. So plan for that.
And maybe (though I'll think on it) the people who have established history of that life strategy... Maybe those people deserve to be treated comperably.
But how to do that without ruining your habitual responses / world view / for interaction with people who aren't playing that nasty short sighted game...
I don't know that there is a way for that...
And I guess that is the problem. And something like that has been pointed out as the problem. That's why lack of emotional responses... Numbness... As the rational position. The psychopathic position. To have the adaptability...
But then also what are the costs of getting that wrong? We might think that the people who contributed to genocide and the like had that sort of a thing... Just activated towards the wrong targets. Or similarly.
I don't know.
I guess the idea is to minimise exposure to / to get away from people who behave like this. Minimise time spent. So then it's hard to begrudge the people who try and wrap their kids up, a bit. Keep them out of the public schools in these parts. Try and send them a place with genuine team spirit and rivalry in an aimiable way (like what happens with 'rival' or 'twin' univerities in the US... Congenial sort of a rivalry... I guess it is a way of trying to provide a... Civilised outlet. Based mostly on cooperation or collaboration within a group.
Anyway... I still do resent the bullying. I guess that is what people mean when they say about bullying. It is hard to understand what is going on with that, I Mean. It gets to the point where people cry 'bullying!!' everywhere like my Mother will cry 'elder abuse'.
I guess I have something of a heads up on my social supports.
That's okay. I guess, really, most people won't have a lot of social support that they do Med. And I also know that being the kid of someone who expects you do do something you'd rather not... And there are too many outs for that to be the case for people in Med. I think... I guess... It actually seems to be... Really very genuinely the case... That a heap of people really really want it in a quite genuine way. Not saying that their parental support doesn't buy the way easier for them... But I guess the danger of that is their being trapped by the DHBs out the other end. I don't know. Worry about me... Try and make some decent friends... I wonder if other people will be studying for USMLE and if other people or even the uni will bring that up at an early stage.
I hope they do. I hope they encourage us to do that. It would make life so much easier (make it so much more likely one can find an appropriately focused study group). I mean... I'm sure it's hard at the best of times to find a good study group... But if people aren't even in agreemnet over the most basic of materials / over the content that they are being required to learn... Though I guess the curriculum will...
Anyway... Haven't given up yet.
I am resentful of their attempt to bully me out of my goal. They want their own med school. They should have their own doctors who bully them out of their goal. I want no part in it.
Posted by alexandra_k on December 11, 2018, at 14:07:29
In reply to Re: maybe..., posted by alexandra_k on December 11, 2018, at 13:48:48
it will be that if they think i can't stand up to them / promote my own interests then there isn't any hope that i will be able to stand up to others in order to promote their interests.
yeah, that will be it.
okay. that makes sense of it in a way i can live with. not hate them for it. not want to retailiate in their direction, and so on. why can't people just say that?
anyway...
we will get heaps of materials and they do their best to give us a good curriclumum etc. i need to remember that plenty of things aren't teachable / learnable in book format. they will give us everything they want us to learn, i guess.
i'm just really happy about the first aid book because it handily locates so much useful information in one place. if i think about all the time i've wasted in previous years just trying to find the thing i was supposed to be freaking learning. e.g., becuase there was a typo on the powerpoint they gave us or because they gave us 4 or 7 models and it was hard to know which one in particular to learn. it is just a high yield tool, though. half the time half the battel is in having a standard frame, or whatever. i guess there will be more variability, here, in how much people will use it, or whatever. i guess i don't know how much use there will be in advance...
i'm just surprised that the library doesn't have all the editions of it over the years. There is like... One or two... I guess it is possible that the med students all buy it...
But i guess i would have thought it would have been the sort of thing that would be useful for undergrads to consult sometimes? I don't know...
Whatever...
Whatever...
Posted by alexandra_k on December 14, 2018, at 13:44:14
In reply to Re: maybe..., posted by alexandra_k on December 11, 2018, at 14:07:29
it is that people have the power to delay things, to hold things up, and so on. and they choose to lord their power over others. so, you have to give them some incentive... money, gifts, bl*w j*bs, metaphoric bl*w j*bs... whatever it is that they want / ask of you... otherwise they will use their power to delay things, lose things, hold things up, and so on.
somehow or other we do not consider this to be corruption.
that administration will not proceed in a timely fashion if the applicant / candidate does not appropriately respond to each and every person who has the power to and who decides to use their power to hold things up along the way.
things don't seem to be processed in this country.
students national examination results from secondary school (required to get them into university both here and overseas) sometimes don't come back in time for them to start next year. they are no longer eligable for foreign scholarships and the like because their results aren't released in time.
my work wasn't processed in time this year because my supervisor decided to teach me some kind of a lesson in how things get done (how things don't get done because work doesn't count unless people sign off on it - and people won't sign off on it unless you give them metaphoric bl*w j*bs). if people see that you are capable enough to get your work done before time... they just interpret that as their having more time than usual to mess with you. they just interpret that as your having more than usual time to give them metaphoric bl*w j*bs. and that is why our most capable people are targeted for 'special' friendships, and the like.
when i wrote a particularly good essay they failed it and asked me to come in to see them. when i got high 90s for my physiology multiguess my first laboratory report was graded in such a way that... the people make it clear enough that they wanted total control over my written work in future. i would write down the sentance when they said because they said or i would be flunked out entirely. the things i was requred to say are things that would render me undesirable to people who are not similarly corrupt. the political line they wanted me to spout so i would sound like a psychopath. the laboratory procedure / methodology / results interpreteation that they wanted me to spout so i would sound like i was willing to falsify things in the laboratory.
there was something in the medical journal recently about students believing that they were require to give cervical examinations on unconscious pateints (anesthetised for un-related operations) when instructed to (without their consent) or they would be failed for a required part of the program of study (failed out of their medical degree or at the least required to re-sit the year).
people seem determined to show me that this is the way the medical degree is...
but is it? or is it the non-medical people who are determined to show me that it's just life so i shuold just get on with doing what they say already...
looking for a way through...
Posted by alexandra_k on December 14, 2018, at 14:04:49
In reply to Re: maybe..., posted by alexandra_k on December 14, 2018, at 13:44:14
and in the midst of this i wonder at what point the developed world will simply say that they refuse to acknowledge our qualifications.
i see our universities are moving to some online qualification system. that qualification results will be modifyable by universities retrospectively. that qualification results are only valid for 5 years. then qualifications expire.
university is...
not accessible to the masses. they will take your money... but it is precious few who have access to an education. and it is precious few who gain entry to private training colleges with a genuine apprenticeship into work. it is just that those private training colleges require some kind of university degree as a pre-requisitie.
you can't sit the USMLE and apply for match without being enrolled in medical school. and you are required to complete your degree before you can match. so the home country has veto interest. and the home country always decides to stabotage me because i wont' give them metaphorical bl*w j*bs. and because they decide that what they most value in a doctor is someone who will look them in the face and show them whatever it is that they want to see while their actions...
hence the obsession with psychopaths.
of course the problme is that you are supposed to want to f*ck them. the appropriate desire. which takes us back to camus...
the thing about professionalism was about being able to abstract away from the person and focus on the work. the ability to do the job to the best of your ability and not be distracted into offering a differnet standard of care because of someones race or gender or because you do not like the look of their face or because they dind't pay you enough or because they didn't wnat to give you metaphorical bl*w j*bs. that's the thing about professionalism... the ability to focus on the job and get on with the job instead of becoming focused on trying to make everybody believe that you are making some kind of special exception for them.
the lack of professionalism in processing...
grades don't mean anything. they aren't a test of recall of important informaiton or understanding or anything...
selection for programs is based on an algorithm that is chosen as a justification for them having selected the candidates they selected.
this is the last and final year.
it is possible that there is an element of match that occurs at this point. i mean why not get something for nothing (more money out of the candidate for the nz university system). more time for the candidate to prepare before they start the degree. it is possible that the canadidates who are selected in the earliest (immediately after first year) are the candidates who are most set up for staying in this country indefinately serving the DHBs in non-progressing qualifications. i think these candidates may be more likely to be the kids of doctors in this country... the kids of politicians and the like... the kids coming in with the best education money could buy to expediate their grades from first year... who knows.
automotive engineering at tech might count. if i need to spend another year preparing then that would likely be more useful to me than giving my supervisor metaphoric bl*w j*bs. i basically don't trust her integrity anymore / after that. all she needed to do was get it to examiners within 3 weeks. and she choose to delay... every step of the way... to teach me a lesson in making people want to help me. i don't want to work in the public system with people like that. i want to work someplace with people who are willing and able to throw themselves willingly into their work... not slow the whole thing down for their own f*ck*ng agenda.
what is her agenda?
oh, yeah, to make sure nobody completes in a timely fashion. not on her watch. that's pretty much why they pay her.
Posted by alexandra_k on December 14, 2018, at 14:15:53
In reply to Re: maybe..., posted by alexandra_k on December 14, 2018, at 14:04:49
i don't have anything to say to anyone right now. i am so f*ck*ng mad. i have never hated people so much in my entire f*ck*ng life.
Posted by alexandra_k on December 14, 2018, at 14:21:22
In reply to Re: maybe..., posted by alexandra_k on December 14, 2018, at 14:15:53
because nothing changes of the fact of where does the money go?
the high up admin people on excess of $200,000 a year. who do not consider themselves sufficiently incentivised to blind grade student work on it's actual academic merits.
the fact that many gifted and talented academic students are flunked out because they do not devote their lives to serving their elders (because they are focused on their academic work).
the fact that each and every year genuine productivity diminishes and the amount of busywork increases.
each and every year we lament the lack of knowledgeable and skilled people who are able to get work done (those students we flunked earlier).
each and every year we increase the proportion of administrators and managers and 'support staff'... but there aren't any actual productive academics who are able to nurture independent productivity in their students.
it was flunked out and / or it fled.
but, sure, let me give you metaphorical bl*wj*bs for a job well done!
long live administration, ho!
Posted by alexandra_k on December 14, 2018, at 14:38:49
In reply to Re: maybe..., posted by alexandra_k on December 14, 2018, at 14:21:22
I mean...
I offered my supervisor a very low-maintenence timely completion.
She knows I'm able and I'm capable. She knows I've written work to the quality where I was accepted on full scholarship to a bunch of universities... She knows I've got a publication...
So she can trust me to produce quality work, at the end of the day.
She didn't know about my ability to work to a deadline (because she only knew of my last Masters where it was just a time filler). So that would have been something that she didn't know /that I was going to show her.
All I needed her to do was let me get on with it, really. Which is bloody convenient since I know as well as she does that she's got a full teaching workload and student grading and the like. So the fact that she doesn't need to meet with me overly much and so on should be a real bonus.
I send her stuff regularly but say 'it's early and I know it's rubbish, but I need to send you some stuff as a progress requirement so here it is. I have more work that needs to be done on it yet'. So she can see at an eyeball about how I have recent references and I'm not plagarising and the like... But she isn't required to make detailed comments or whatever.
Then it comes together really quickly at the end, there. And I give it to, like, a week before I need to submit it, and she gets me comments back on teh odd thing... And I incorporate those as best I can... And then I submit. And she's screaming at me not to. Only it needs to be submitted on that date in order for the standard processing times to mean I can get completion on time.
And she's screaming at me not to. She's saying that why do I think that submitting on time (against her will) is going to get me timely completion instead of my listening to her and submitting later (when she approves it) and then she can expediate the external examination process.
and i don't think that she actually can expediate the external examination process. or: it would undermine the integrity of the degree if she could, rather.
so i submit on time.
and she's screaming about how i can't do that and so on.
and she has this form where she can say 'i don't think it's ready to submit'. and that's fine. she can say on the form that.
but she seemed to think that saying that on the form meant that she was entitled? to... do her best to make things move slowly, now. so she then tried to delay them acknowledging that i had submitted (saying that i hadn't submitted until she had filled out her part of the form which took her about a week and a half) and then delaying getting it to externals because it was 'hard' for her to find an external. then after sending it out to them late (more than 3 weeks later) she decided to send it by boat, or something.
so the externals got it later than she promised (I would imagine) and i think an overseas one waited on her to send a physical copy by non-expediated shipping (it looks like) ... which indicated to them (non-verbally) that they should take their full 8 weeks and similiarly ship it back...
so all of this means i miss my deadline.
which is supposed to be a lesson to me in listening to my supervsior.
only... she never was going to let me complete in time.
because she doesn't get anything done in time. i guess... i don't know what it is...
i think she's unhappy she didn't get to tell me what to say and where to say it and make me take a whole bunhc of my time making alterations to my thesis to make it differnet (not necessarily better) just because she says so.
that process takes time. and she wanted / wants to drag it out for as long as possible.
i imagine there is kudos in the tea room or whtaever that she has this student who she gets to boss around...
so the whole thing needs to be slowed down ... to allow time for all of that...
and how mnay years f*ck*ng later does alex get to get on with the f*ck*ng work, already?
i genuinely hope they let me do autoshop. i'll learn how to do some stuff on my bike so repairs and maintenence won't end up costing an arm or a leg haha.
lesson learned about homage to people because... just because...
i'm not paid to look after her. she's paid to look after me. she hasnt helped me finish on time. she actively worked hard to prevent it.
and so i really don't want them to have my thesis in hardcopy.
i don't want them to get the government money for it. i said my goal with it was to get it done so i could go on to do something else... i thought it would be of mutual benefit to have a timely completion for the department. if students think they can get through arts degrees in a timely way and go on to other things... other occupations even... then that should be good for the university
?
i guess it would make it apparent that the university doesn't have the people to support that.
they'd rather herd them through thousands at a time giving the highest grades to the ones who suck up the most / to a certain proportion of those with brown sounding names out of equity and so on...
Posted by alexandra_k on December 14, 2018, at 14:58:46
In reply to Re: maybe..., posted by alexandra_k on December 14, 2018, at 14:38:49
I am resentful of the requirement to have completed a full time year of study within the last 5 years.
It might make sense in cases where people did science degrees and where laboratory techniques change. Or in computer science degrees... I don't know... I honestly think the 5 year requirement is just a money grabbing move on the part of the university system. Which makes me feel resentful about it.
It might be about cognitive capacity. How your ability to acquire new knowledge partly depends on how practiced you are. But I have been continually studying. And I have been studying classes that are hard for me (maths and chemistry and statistics and so on) and so my full time / part time status thing isn't really so relevant (particularly when you consider I have however many years of lack of secondardy school to plug in to be learned simultaneously).
So it seems to me to be a money grub.
Which makes me think: Do the work. Get it checked off (I pay them for that primarily - right)?
But my supervisor feels that she didn't get out of me... Whatever it is that her her due.
Only she was busy... And I don't actually see that she was required to do much in the way of anything.
Its the graduate schools responsibiltiyt to get it to examiners. And the changes need to be made to the satisfacton of the school - the examiners OR the supervisor.
So she didn't actually need to do anything at all. Just not stick her oar in to make things slow down / grind to a stop.
Given how much of a teaching workload she had... That's all she needed to do.
And she would have supervised someone to timely completion in a way that could not have been less demanding on her time.
But instead she wanted to be a part of the process...
So everything must slow down.
Who is paying who again?
How is this supposed to make me want to help people?
I did want to help people. But then they frustrate me in getting entry to the program that will teach me the knowledge so that I can be in the position to help them...
Which is supposed to make me want to help them?
Or to remain inept and stay with them in their swampy swamp swamp as some kind of... Uh... Lesson to me.
?
?
Just let me go, already.
At least let me to autoshop.
ffs.
I did work for philosophy. And the people didn't sign me off becuase they wanted to only send out little copies of themselves... Little spores that would not take seed anywhere because there was only ever room for one of them...
Posted by alexandra_k on December 14, 2018, at 15:10:43
In reply to Re: maybe..., posted by alexandra_k on December 14, 2018, at 14:58:46
and i just come back to this thing, again...
if i can write 1 paper in a year
and you can write 1 paper in a year
then i can give you my paper and you can help me edit it / point out some obvious criticism if there is one. no kudos or special credit for pointing out obscure things that don't matter. ideally you have nothing to say. ideally there are no typos or whatever. ideally it doesn't need changing.
then i can do the same for your paper.
then we can both boost our productivity by co-authoring 2 papers. and the paper would be better for editorial comments. for sure. but that doesn't take as much time as writing the f*ck*ng paper.
then (since we were fairly independent) it might be that a futher paper can be developed as differences of opinion or perspective arise. as there is a disagreemnet between the authors.
yay. a bonus paper number 3.
but this doesn't happen. because instead of getting 3 papers in a timely fashion we end up with 1 paper that was edited into a different paper and where the editorial comments / process took as long (or maybe even longer) than it took to write the f*ck*ng paper in the first place.
in fact...
the 1 paper that could have been written (and processed without hinderance) doesn't even come into fruition, at all.
becuase people decided to oppose it. if they couldn't force it to be paper number 3. right from the starting gate.
good job, people! working together :)
Posted by alexandra_k on December 17, 2018, at 22:13:36
In reply to Re: maybe..., posted by alexandra_k on December 14, 2018, at 15:10:43
so i can't get administration (i think it is administration) to process anything. they just don't process my things. they don't process my work. they don't process my applications. they just don't process me, at all. i get messages to the effect (did not receive your thing that you wanted us to process!) and (... just, uh, ain't processing it!) and (processed it and it's too crap to process further) and (you are failed because we can't / don't want to process it). and so on.
i don't know what to do.
it might have something to do with the administration software of the previous government...
i don't know.
our university calendar regulations are all revisable now, too, in an ongoing way.
i don't know what to do.
i can't even afford for the greencard lottery
and even if i could, why would they process it?
MIT rejected my application (years ago now) so swiftly it suggests they didn't process it.
Cornell didn't bother to notify me that they rejected it because they didn't process it to the point of that, even.
it isn't like things seem to be better in the US. to the best of my knowledge. anyway.
i found an old email account the other day. i read specifically where i asked for 3 weeks off to deal with my Father's death. i specifically said i could go for the 1 week spring break and take 1 week either side. that i found someone who was willing to cover my teaching for those 2 weeks (and i was willing to consider ways i could make it up to that person and / or to the university). i specifically said i was willing to make it up to that person / the university. i forgot that / i wasn't sure. i wasn't sure how fair-minded i was back then... but i specifically said that.
and the answer was 'no'. and then when i couldn't get the grading done in that final week... essays on euthanasia... i said i just couldn't rationally process things on the topic right now. i wasn't able to fairly grade my students. that was my reason. i specifically said that.
whatever.
i wish i'd never been born. why did that get processed okay?
and nothing thereafter.
Posted by alexandra_k on December 17, 2018, at 22:17:52
In reply to Re: processing, posted by alexandra_k on December 17, 2018, at 22:13:36
they just chose not to process my med application. there is this clause about 'normally x' but nothing to say that if x doesn't obtain then applications get to be culled.
but culled it was.
then i had something about how x was going to be the case... so they started processing again and i got an interview.
then that thing didn't turn out (because it wasnt processed in time). so they stopped processing to.
and they say 'try again next year!'
but if they didn't process me this year, why would they process me next year?
and if they just don't process things when they feel like not processing things then why would i trust them to process things in future?
i mean... do i really want to study a medical degree with them if every single year i worry abotu whether or not they processed my year alright or not? whether they are going to credit me the degree or try and flunk me out right at that very last minute, there...
why would anybody want things to be this way?
i don't understand.
Posted by alexandra_k on December 17, 2018, at 22:21:34
In reply to Re: processing, posted by alexandra_k on December 17, 2018, at 22:17:52
apparently there is an incentive to keep you in the program once you are in the program because by culling you they are down a student in your cohort and they can't replace that student (get another students fees).
but probably not so very much to complete you right at the last minute, there.
except for the world database thing which makes them report how many students they have and how many were graduated. for the international thing. which will affect their international students aka $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
i'm sure they have a line about how 'only the applicants who really want it figure out how to get their application processed'.
well. just so long as the applicants were focused on making administration want to process their application (and not on studying for their examinations) then all must be well in the world.
i mean, really. what is one supposed to say.
Posted by alexandra_k on December 19, 2018, at 2:19:38
In reply to Re: processing, posted by alexandra_k on December 17, 2018, at 22:21:34
so apparently now it was processed, it was just that i was too crap to get offered a place. and then i wasn't going to be offered a place even if i wasnt crap because i didn't meet some clause...
but i don't believe them when it comes to my rank score.
i mean... they tried that one already. they sent me a email to say my application was unsuccessful because i didn't make it to interview. the idea being that i didnd't meet the GPA cut-off. only i would have had one of the higher GPAs so i queried it... and they then offered me an interview...
so now they say that i was rank scored lower than 40 other people who did not make places, either. only... i don't believe that. not with my GPA.
and then they took me off that, anyway, over the interpretation of a phrase that didn't have a comma to disambiguate the way they choose to disambiguate which meant they threw me off the list.
how am i supposed to take this process / them seriously?
when they seem so very very very very very very very determined to cull me at every single point they possibly could.
why are they so awful to me?
Posted by alexandra_k on December 19, 2018, at 2:24:47
In reply to Re: processing, posted by alexandra_k on December 19, 2018, at 2:19:38
and they just go 'it's okay! try again next year!'
yeah...
spend several hundred dollars on the test again (where one test gave me a low score because, you know, i'm autistic which means i get a low score' and then the next test gave me an even lower score because, you know, previously i asked for accommodatinos and this time i didn't and so this time i hvae to do worse because otherwise it would look like their accommodations were actually discriminations against). so they f*ck*d it up. completely. by basically not just... giving me the score i f*ck*ng well earned in the first place... or maybe they actually were never capable of giving people the score that they f*ck*ng well earned at all...
i mean... how can i go from getting maybe 2 or 3 section 2 (verbal) questions wrong in all their hundreds of questions test preparation material only to score low 60's for the actual test (which was actually a thinly veiled 'personality assessment' where they clearly valued boorishness - since I figured they probably didn't want boorishness and i did badly - boorishness it was).
but i pay them for the privaledge of supporting... their boorish private school 17 and 18 year old offspring getting expediated wonderful scores because they are future of healthcare for australasia. clearly.
why think this year will be any different?
it's a f*ck*ng farce.
Posted by alexandra_k on December 19, 2018, at 2:30:15
In reply to Re: processing, posted by alexandra_k on December 19, 2018, at 2:24:47
and there's 'normally' clauses all over the place. like... the interview portion of selection is based on objective qualities that are assessed... uh... 'normally' by interview.
but i guess 'also not normally' by... whatever mechanism they like.
apparently people get 'definate yes' and 'definite no' scores (must have or must not have) on the basis of interview.
i wonder how that goes...
'one parent is a doctor, they therefore demonstrate perfect knowledge of the field and if they then say they want to do it they also demonstrate perfect motivation --- must have!!!'
and then we have the university administrations kids.. the business peoples kids... the politicians kids..
if they are all expediated through with 'definite yes' because of their 'must have' qualities then it makes sense that someone with (say) an 8.3 GPA would miss out because, you know, there are 40 people or whatever who got 'definite yes' just so long as they made the very basic cut off for GPA.
the whole thing just feels like a f*ck*ng farce.
just one more year?
how many times have i been there before...
i think give me the place that i'm owed.
yeah.
i think people have profiteered from me a little too much already.
i think they have and i think they have been.
i'm really f*ck*ng fed up
Posted by alexandra_k on December 19, 2018, at 2:36:00
In reply to Re: processing, posted by alexandra_k on December 19, 2018, at 2:30:15
because this was the year i was going to f*ck*ng well earn it via hard work.
but my supervisor decided to sit my work in her tray for 5 weeks because, you know, why wouldn't you - if you thought you could get away with it?
people decide to teach me a little lesson in 'your hard work isn't worth anything unless we acknowledge your work and we simply dismiss it and so what are you going to do about it?
people decide to berate me all year on how i can't possibly get done in standard time. i need to take longer than everyone else. because of my autism, you know, standard accommodation for it is extra time because if you have the diagnosis that means everyone around you gets to waste your time and not acknowledge the work you do with your time and get you spending your time doing their work and get you you know... staying poor and throwing money at them while they continue to make the considerable profits they do and have been at your expense for... how many years now? and how many years to come?
and all this is a f*ck*ng farce because it's not even about me being granted my independence or my freedom or any of that. it's about entry to a f*ck*ng program that is just the very start of however many years of being their bitch on the way to...
why is it so f*ck*ng hard to get started?
oh, yeah, expediating their kids... their kids... the best of the kids here... the kids who were expediated through to take up all the charity overseas offers our way... those kids... all the US scholarships and the british training places... those kids...
whatever...
they didn't process anything of mine normally all year. i didn't get sent an offer of interview with all the other kids.
i got targetd for 'special treatment' alright.
i f*ck*ng hate this country.
Posted by alexandra_k on December 19, 2018, at 2:43:06
In reply to Re: processing, posted by alexandra_k on December 19, 2018, at 2:36:00
i say 'i have a disability but i am seeking no accommodaitons please just process me with all the other kids'
so they say i don't make cut off for interview.
only, i did make cut off for interview.
so they say i didn't make it to ranking because i'm not eligable.
so i point out that the clause doesn't support their culling my application from ranking.
so they say they actually did rank me and i ranked badly.
and that then after i ranked badly i was removed from ranking because i'm not eligable.
i bet all their kids have to do all of this. every step of teh f*ck*ng way. sure they do.
or only the autistic ones?
?
i guess this is supposed to be a lesson in huddling with the herd because if you appear differnet for any reason you will be constantly targeted for exclusion.
i know that.
therefore: put me with peers.
before i die.
thanks.
Posted by alexandra_k on December 19, 2018, at 15:30:22
In reply to Re: processing, posted by alexandra_k on December 19, 2018, at 2:43:06
the whole thing was just a jack up / conspiracy to make me waste another year.
instead of the dean inquiring about when they needed evidence of completion the dean inquired about whether i could apply again, next year.
instead of them not telling the f*ck*ng world whether or not i was eligable to apply again next year (personal information -- right???) they tell the f*ck*ng world that it's okay -- i can apply again next year.
they intentionally stabotaged me in order to waste yet another year of my life.
and that was why i was flunked for population health, too. because they thought they would get me for another 2 years to finish up a degree.
then right for that very last course of my degree there would be that one person sitting there with something sufficiently arbitrarily graded like a laboratory report or perhaps a nonsense multi-guess where the answers are not released... and they would make sure you just scrape the cut off for entry to honours but don't do well enough for entry to medicine or entry to anything overseas.
unless you are 'one of their kids' of course.
there is no integrity in our university system, anymore.
they used to say that university was unfair because it was only for the rich / elite... only i don't see that it was, in this country. it was for anyone who wanted to go. you could take out a loan to go to university in this country if you wanted to go. this was during a time when people were going from secondardy school into employment, however. so going to university was taking a short-term sacrifice for some longer term objective.
now... there aren't jobs so everyone must go to university. so now the grades are meaningless because the good ones are given to the kids who they select for ... not even jobs...
for entry into training programs. the private training programs that may or may not give you a job out the end of it...
i'm not even good enough to be cannon fodder taking the shots for their kids along the way.
f*ck*ng idiot *ssh*l*s.
i hate this country.
Posted by alexandra_k on December 19, 2018, at 15:47:40
In reply to Re: processing, posted by alexandra_k on December 19, 2018, at 15:30:22
my old supervisor said something once about how we don't believe in bonding anymore, we believe in branding. we don't believe in apprenticeships anymore - the idea of people working for a time in order to pay off the cost of their training. instead we believe in branding - the idea of permanently marking our property with something that means they are forever stuck as our slaves.
this is not the free world.
this is all just a lesson in how if i won't do as i'm told (primarily to do something else: to do philosophy, to do law, to do bioanthropology, to do cell biology) then i will forever be excluded. forced to live on welfare, wracking up more and more and more of a (false) debt to work and income in order to cover basic items like motorcycle repairs (since my house does not have a garage for it and it will get blown over occasionally and things will break)... forced to keep handing money over to the university so they can use that money to offer full fee paying scholarships to their elite kids... so they can earn in excess of $200,000 per year while not even acknowledging receipt of request to look into why an examination process is taking more than 3 months several weeks later...
this is not the free world.
i f*ck*ng hate this country. and all the idiot *ssh*l*s expediating the next generation of idiots to further expediate the demise of this country where the people are thrown as slaves to the savages... but then that's happened already.
i f*ck*ng hate this country.
Posted by alexandra_k on January 18, 2019, at 9:27:56
In reply to Re: processing, posted by alexandra_k on December 19, 2018, at 15:47:40
I got "First Aid for USMLE" for 2019 even though it is unclear to me whether or not I get to do Med. Now, or ever.
For anyone who is following along, who doesn't know, it seems to be the go-to textbook studying for Step 1 of the Medical Lisencing Exam for the US. It's a really nice summary textbook of the basic science and basic organ system information that you are expected to know. More than that, it is a really nice summary textbook of things that it seems pretty darned obvious (to me) are useful or helpful to know. Relevant stuff. High yield. Whether it has anything to do with that particular exam, or not. Which is precisely what (to my mind) makes it worthwhile.
No matter how much of a jack-up the actual test (and test score allocation) might be...
I notice it does have a speel on how some schools are focused on high test scores... While other schools are more focused on other things. Letters of reccommendation, and the like. And I guess that is the thing, really. Me applying to MIT and Cornell... They were both Ivy League / Who's who kinds of schools. I needed letters from people who were known to people on the inside there, and / or to be from one of the schools where there is a through-flow of people (collaboration) between them...
There are plenty of really good schools in the US that are less... 'Destination' (for want of a better word). I should think more carefully about (and try and identify) that which is under-rated and on it's way up... That's more the spirit of it, for me... It's too 'easy' to find some of the bigger schools with more marketing investment and so on -- but those probably are not a very good fit for me...
I've been having lots of administration troubles, here. With the processing (or not). They are refusing to complete my research qualification in a timely fashion and I need it to be complete to be eligable for my next program of study.
It is like how the public schools won't get students grades back in time for them to start University the following year.
Or in time for them to be eligable for foreign scholarships to overseas Universities the following year.
The place I applied to Med... They calculated my GPA wrong (according to their algorithm). They aren't very explicit about their algorithm, but there are some statements of it that aren't too-contradictory so are probably at least partly authorative. And they say about 'full-time' and 'best 120 points'. But they calculated my GPA on the basis of one part time year... Treating it as a full time year. And they calculated my GPA on the basis of my worst (rather than best) 120 points for the other year. They made a complete balls-up of it, in other words. 8.0 instead of... Well, I make it to be 8.6. That's a pretty big difference when the GPA is weighted for 60 per cent of selection. I would be astounded if it wasn't enough for a place.
And yet, I still don't have a place.
Offers were sent out December 10 and I don't have a place.
Apparently my GPA was too low. Apparently with the 8.0 they gave me I was 40 places lower than the last selected Graduate.
I don't believe that... Or... I'll believe it when I see it...
I've put in an official request for information to see the rank list.
But then even if they calculate my GPA correctly (and they haven't acknowledged that they f*ck*d it up, yet) I'm not eligable (unless they make a 'special exception' because the other University refuses to say I've completed my thesis, you see.There are a range of thesis outcomes from 'accepted - subject to minor changes completed within 10 weeks' to 'accepted - subject to major changes to be completed within 10 weeks' down to 'failed. the thesis is returned to the student. teh student is required to pay 6 months additional fees before resubmitting the thesis'.
they are trying to make me believe the outcome is the last.
but the outcome is supposed to be on the basis of examiners reports.
the examiners say i should 'keep working' on 'making changes' but they don't say whether i should do that for 10 weeks or 6 months.a bunch of people from the Uni (who don't have authority to make final decision on thesis outcome) 'invite' me to pay 6 months more fees to the university.
they all go on and on and on about the scope and extent of the changes required.
they say i'm required to log all the changes so it's easy for someone else to verify i've done them (i don't see any evidence of that)
they just...
They all seem so utterly full of sh*t.
Is this a f*ck*ng joke?
Is it really the case that everyones stuff is mis-processed unless you spend however many hours paying sufficient homage to administration?
They simply refuse to do their job.
Refuse to work in a timely fashion.
Awful people.
This is corruption, yes? I mean... This is exactly what corruption looks like. I don't know another way to see this...
I'm spending all this time doing appeals and so on for the VC and Dean and so on and so forth... All these people paid in excess of $200,000 per year... Who don't seem able to calculate a GPA or deliver an assessment outcome for a 120 piont paper (1 academic year study) within 4 months.
Why can't they just do their job?
ffs.
Posted by alexandra_k on January 18, 2019, at 9:37:52
In reply to Re: admin, posted by alexandra_k on January 18, 2019, at 9:27:56
All I can do is make the changes within the 10 week time-frame, I realise.
Get it hard-bound.
Once I've submitted the hard-bound version they either accept it (f*ck knows how many months later) or they reject it. If they reject it then there is no 'pay us 6 months more fees and maybe we'll pass you later'. There is only accepted or not accepted at that point.
My supervisor said she couriered her comments so I'll wait a few days for them to turn up, make some changes, get it in.
I suppose it's possible they won't sort out things with Auckland until I've submitted the hard-copy.
I'm just f*ck*ng mad that people refuse to process my things normally. They refuse to offer me an interview with all the other people who are offered interviews. They say 'declined'. Then, after I spend several days trying to sort it out, two days after interviews have started, I get an interview. I don't get an offer of place with all the other people who are offered places. I get 'declined'. Then, after several weeks trying to sort it out...
It doesn't make me feel warmly / kindly towards these people, at all.
I mean... If they wanted me to think well of them, this is not the way for htem to be going about that.
The 10 week timeframe... It was something about making changes and submitting the hardcopy and it being accepted within 10 weeks.
So the idea is that I should pay 1/2 fees again to fund the fact that the university thinks it should allow someone 6 months to read it, again.
I'm supposed to pour an endless stream of money into them doing their jobs so slowly... So slowly... So slowly.... Such that I can only study part time. Because they're not capable of processing a full-time workload for a student.
What a f*ck*ng joke.
Posted by alexandra_k on January 18, 2019, at 9:42:03
In reply to Re: admin, posted by alexandra_k on January 18, 2019, at 9:37:52
Of course I'm just supposed to go away, really, so there is more room for their kids. And more room for kids who get to do it because they are less complain-y about taking the hits to better expediate the progress of their kids...
Deep breath...
These are the people who got chucked back...
Posted by alexandra_k on January 18, 2019, at 9:48:40
In reply to Re: admin, posted by alexandra_k on January 18, 2019, at 9:42:03
There will be an issue, I would imagine, where the University will not release completion information in time for the match.
There was something in the New Zealand Medical Journal about students feeling pressured to do invasive examinations (e.g., cervical) without having obtained informed consent. E.g., on women anesthetised for surgery for unrelated things. Or under situations where it wasn't clear to the student that consent had been obtained. They needed someone to sign off they had observed them doing the procedure, you see. For completion.
And so... What do you do?
The idea seems to be: You keep your head down and you huddle with the herd, and you give them no reason to single you out. Because they can just flunk you out of the program, or withhold your grade, and what are you going to do about that?
This is the culture.
And this is, of course, why training here and obtaining registration to practice in the civilised world is no small feat.
Because these things are fairly obvious no brainer unacceptable.
But they are *required* here as part of the whole branding / bonding thing we do where only the kids who are unacceptable to everyone else get to be promoted and revered as our best. Ooooooh mighty leader. Son or daughter of head administrator. Born to power.
Ugh.
I was worried about prostate exams, before. But apparantly the focus is largely on cervical exams. Newborns, in the first instance. Collecting the cells... Observing the progression of cervical cancers...
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