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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 25 to 49 of 59. Go back in thread:
Posted by Dinah on August 5, 2009, at 21:36:20
In reply to Re: bob crane » Dinah, posted by henrietta on August 5, 2009, at 20:58:24
I'm terribly literal at times.
I read your post as being about Bob Crane, whether he was a child molester or killed by a child molester, and Lolita and the sexuality and abuse of young girls.
I'm afraid I did totally miss the larger point.
But that's ok. As you say, never mind.
Posted by Dr. Bob on August 5, 2009, at 23:35:58
In reply to bob crane, posted by henrietta on August 5, 2009, at 20:10:18
> > One pitfall is that I might show favoritism?
>
> Yes, that's one. I also think of more.
>
> Glydin 00What other ones?
--
> That is what is painful for me. I know this will end in pain.
>
> Bay> Lolita didn't really recognize her burgeoning, healthy, juvenile erotic drives, and was in no way responsible for the irresponsible and damaging behavior of Humbert Humbert
>
> HenriettaSo feeling uncomfortable may in part reflect anxiety about what may happen. Since love can expose one to irresponsibility and damage and pain. Which some of you may know firsthand.
--
> I am not saying that YOU are the one to treat her. But, you ought to privately be explaining this to her, and encouraging her to work hard on getting past this so she can work on the real issues.
>
> BayBut wouldn't that be support and education as opposed to board management?
Bob
Posted by Glydin 00 on August 6, 2009, at 10:43:51
In reply to Re: feeling uncomfortable, posted by Dr. Bob on August 5, 2009, at 23:35:58
I have given all the thoughts, feelings, opinions and logic (well, my logic FWIW) I care to give to this subject. I find myself echoing and repeating myself.
I would like to know:
Do you plan to make any changes as to how you/Adm. deal with the discussed posts on these boards?
I would appreciate an answer...
Posted by Dr. Bob on August 6, 2009, at 18:33:01
In reply to Re: » Dr. Bob, posted by Glydin 00 on August 6, 2009, at 10:43:51
> I have given all the thoughts, feelings, opinions and logic (well, my logic FWIW) I care to give to this subject.
OK, thanks for expressing the anxiety about favoritism that I assume others also feel.
> Do you plan to make any changes as to how you/Adm. deal with the discussed posts on these boards?
No, at this time, anyway, I'm not convinced that a change is necessary.
Bob
Posted by BayLeaf on August 6, 2009, at 20:11:24
In reply to Re: feeling uncomfortable, posted by Dr. Bob on August 5, 2009, at 23:35:58
I am going to reply privately.
Posted by Deneb on August 6, 2009, at 20:12:09
In reply to Re: » Dr. Bob, posted by Glydin 00 on August 6, 2009, at 10:43:51
Hey Glydin,
Dr. Bob doesn't seem to show any favouritism for me. No special treatment for me. I don't want special treatment either. Everything Dr. Bob does with me, he does with other Babblers, be it hugs, playing Scrabble or the random chat.
I've been blocked before and I have no doubt I will be again if ever I am uncivil.
I hope that makes you feel better.
Posted by Glydin 00 on August 6, 2009, at 20:51:31
In reply to Re No favouritism, posted by Deneb on August 6, 2009, at 20:12:09
I appreciate this post to me. Even with a lack of seeing eye to eye about this, we believe we have managed to have civil and respectful exchanges. I have be proud of that....
On a personal note, it was never my intention to pressure. I was merely expressing my wishes for what I would like to see and offering an alternative idea.
I am continuing to work to understand and be more comfortable.... time will tell as how that works out for me.
Posted by Deneb on August 6, 2009, at 21:14:36
In reply to Re: Re No favouritism » Deneb, posted by Glydin 00 on August 6, 2009, at 20:51:31
Thanks Glydin.
I will make an effort to post them less because I know they make you uncomfortable.
Posted by Deneb on August 10, 2009, at 9:29:39
In reply to Re: feeling uncomfortable » Dr. Bob, posted by BayLeaf on August 6, 2009, at 20:11:24
Hey Bayleaf, I just wanted to reassure you that my love for Dr. Bob is pretty much harmless. I asked about my love on this doctor's forum and got this answer:
Your personality disorder predisposes you to seek enhanced emotional involvement, and it isn't surprising that you have focused on the doctor. As long as he maintains appropriate boundaries and doesn't reinforce your behavior, there is not much else to be done. I'm relieved that you understand that your rescue fantasies are indeed fantasies. You are receiving comprehensive treatment and seem reality-based, so your love is not causing treatment issues, and that's the best that anyone can hope for.
Posted by Glydin 00 on August 10, 2009, at 13:19:19
In reply to Re: feeling uncomfortable » BayLeaf, posted by Deneb on August 10, 2009, at 9:29:39
> As long as he maintains appropriate boundaries and doesn't reinforce your behavior, there is not much else to be done.
~~~ Just a question...
What actions would you see as reinforcing your behavior?
Posted by Deneb on August 10, 2009, at 13:33:12
In reply to Re: feeling uncomfortable » Deneb, posted by Glydin 00 on August 10, 2009, at 13:19:19
> > As long as he maintains appropriate boundaries and doesn't reinforce your behavior, there is not much else to be done.
>
> ~~~ Just a question...
>
> What actions would you see as reinforcing your behavior?I think maybe like if he were to start replying to all my messages in a positive way, that might be reinforcing. He doesn't though. He is just silent.
Posted by Glydin 00 on August 10, 2009, at 14:37:08
In reply to Re: feeling uncomfortable » Glydin 00, posted by Deneb on August 10, 2009, at 13:33:12
Thanks for responding. I am trying to understand and get more comfortable. Your answers and comments help me with that process. In turn, I'm hoping it might be helpful for you too.
Posted by BayLeaf on August 10, 2009, at 20:54:35
In reply to Re: feeling uncomfortable » BayLeaf, posted by Deneb on August 10, 2009, at 9:29:39
Deneb - imo socializing with you is doing the opposite of this - "maintains appropriate boundaries and doesn't reinforce your behavior"
I am sure you will disagree, because you love this behavior of his so much. That does not make it appropriate.
bay
Posted by Deneb on August 10, 2009, at 21:01:32
In reply to Re: feeling uncomfortable » Deneb, posted by BayLeaf on August 10, 2009, at 20:54:35
It wasn't just me, wouldn't it be bad for Dr. Bob to treat me differently from other Babblers just because I love him?
Dr. Bob meets with other Babblers too. He hugs others too. I would feel pretty bad if Dr. Bob avoided me just because I love him.
He has to treat everyone fairly.
Posted by Deneb on August 10, 2009, at 21:23:20
In reply to Re: feeling uncomfortable » Deneb, posted by BayLeaf on August 10, 2009, at 20:54:35
Bayleaf,
It gives me a lot of joy to love Dr. Bob. I remember when I first got here, before I started loving him, I was obsessed with suicide. Ever since I started loving Dr. Bob, I want to live to be 120. I've replaced my obsession with death with my love obsession for Dr. Bob. Don't you think that's much healthier?
Plus I wouldn't even call it an obsession, I think love is supposed to be this way, you think of the other person all the time and get good feelings from that.
Please don't take this away from me. I am happy with how things are. Things never need to progress to more than what it is now. This makes me happy. You're asking Dr. Bob to treat me differently just because I love him and I don't think that is right. I just want to be treated just like any other Babbler. It would make me very upset if Dr. Bob told me I was no longer welcomed at Babble Parties. I look forward to them the entire year. I know this sounds kind of pathetic, but Babble makes up most of my life. I have awful social anxiety and I can't seem to form meaningful relationships in real life.
Please let me have this small joy in my life. Gosh, I'm making myself cry now. I am not hurting anyone and Dr. Bob doesn't mind my love. Please don't take Dr. Bob away from me. I like things just as they are, no one ever needs to get hurt. As long as Dr. Bob is just the way he is, I am happy.
Posted by Glydin 00 on August 10, 2009, at 21:29:15
In reply to Re: feeling uncomfortable » BayLeaf, posted by Deneb on August 10, 2009, at 21:01:32
> It wasn't just me, wouldn't it be bad for Dr. Bob to treat me differently from other Babblers just because I love him?
>~~~ Have you ever felt Dr. Bob did/does treat you differently?
> Dr. Bob meets with other Babblers too. He hugs others too. I would feel pretty bad if Dr. Bob avoided me just because I love him.
>~~~ He may need to be careful given your feelings for him, don't you think?
> He has to treat everyone fairly.~~~ Maybe... but I also think if there's going to be social relationships sprung from posters meeting him and him meeting posters, individual's traits may come into play in terms of how he does interact and maybe that's where the boundaries truly need to enter the picture.... that's just my speculation.
Posted by SLS on August 11, 2009, at 5:51:30
In reply to Re: feeling uncomfortable » Deneb, posted by BayLeaf on August 10, 2009, at 20:54:35
Hi Deneb and Bayleaf and Glydin.
> Deneb - imo socializing with you is doing the opposite of this - "maintains appropriate boundaries and doesn't reinforce your behavior"
I imagine that this is a complex dynamic. Not being a psychologist, I would take an uneducated guess and conclude that the way Deneb experiences and expresses her feelings towards Dr. Bob is self-reinforcing. Somehow, I don't believe that her interaction with others produces a significant impact on this dynamic.
Deneb, I can live quite comfortably with your posts heralding Dr. Bob. My main concern is your mental health. You reported that your doctor was not concerned about your feelings and behaviors regarding Dr. Bob and Psycho-Babble. Did he endorse them or reluctantly accept them?
One negative consequence of beginning so many threads announcing your love for Dr. Bob is that too many people might do exactly what you suggested - just not read posts with your name attached to them. You might miss some very important and needed feedback regarding any other issues you may have. There might not be too many people that this will apply to, though. I don't know.
I know you feel pressured. However, some people really do have your welfare in mind as their motivation to challenge you.
I guess one of the reasons I have become comfortable with your "love letters" to Dr. Bob is that you have been writing them for so long. I guess you broke me in. :-)
When the time is right, I imagine you will see your perspectives change little by little. You will probably always have a special place in your mind and in you heart for the good doctor, but it will be time for you to move on to other relationships.
Just be well.
- Scott
Posted by SLS on August 11, 2009, at 7:13:38
In reply to Re No favouritism, posted by Deneb on August 6, 2009, at 20:12:09
Be yourself, no matter what they say...
- Scott
Posted by Dinah on August 11, 2009, at 9:46:44
In reply to Re: Re No favouritism » Deneb, posted by SLS on August 11, 2009, at 7:13:38
Posted by Deneb on August 11, 2009, at 21:58:14
In reply to Re: feeling uncomfortable, posted by SLS on August 11, 2009, at 5:51:30
> Deneb, I can live quite comfortably with your posts heralding Dr. Bob. My main concern is your mental health. You reported that your doctor was not concerned about your feelings and behaviors regarding Dr. Bob and Psycho-Babble. Did he endorse them or reluctantly accept them?
I don't really know what my pdoc thinks. She doesn't seem worried about it. She thinks it has something to do with my Dad, but I don't agree. She doesn't really endorse them I guess, she doesn't seem to pass any judgement one way or another. She explains some things to me sometimes, but I don't always believe her, like when she said it was a mistake for Dr. Bob to play Scrabble with Babblers. I don't think she thinks my love is harmful. She doesn't try to make me stop loving Dr. Bob.
Posted by Dr. Bob on August 12, 2009, at 4:53:04
In reply to Re: feeling uncomfortable » Deneb, posted by BayLeaf on August 10, 2009, at 20:54:35
> imo socializing with you is doing the opposite of this - "maintains appropriate boundaries and doesn't reinforce your behavior"
Would you feel supported if others encouraged you to apologize or rephrase?
Bob
Posted by Glydin 00 on August 12, 2009, at 6:58:56
In reply to Re: feeling uncomfortable, posted by Dr. Bob on August 6, 2009, at 18:33:01
> No, at this time, anyway, I'm not convinced that a change is necessary.
>
> Bob~~~ My hope is you reassess from time to time as these type of posts may be problematic in the future for some if they continue as I believe they may. Maybe also look at these type of posts with an eye to the civility componant that deals with board harmony in addition to if they meet other board guidelines.
I simply ask that you be open minded.
Posted by Deneb on August 12, 2009, at 9:53:25
In reply to Re: feeling uncomfortable » Deneb, posted by BayLeaf on August 10, 2009, at 20:54:35
> Deneb - imo socializing with you is doing the opposite of this - "maintains appropriate boundaries and doesn't reinforce your behavior"
>
> I am sure you will disagree, because you love this behavior of his so much. That does not make it appropriate.
>
> bayHey Bayleaf,
Dr. Bob wants people to encourage you to re-phase or apologize. I know you are doing this because you think it might help me so I wouldn't want to see you blocked for wanting to help me.
Posted by BayLeaf on August 12, 2009, at 21:31:33
In reply to Re: feeling uncomfortable » BayLeaf, posted by Dr. Bob on August 12, 2009, at 4:53:04
Bob - you were fine with people suggesting Deneb change HER behavior, but when someone suggest you change YOUR behavior....whoa!! You throw out the apology card? Um, no I don't feel supported.
This situation took 2 people to create. One to simply generate sweet feelings, and one who encouraged it with hugs, dinner, drinks, site seeing, playing with her stuffed animal, etc. If that is not a boundary concern, I don't know what is?
If her strong feelings did not exist (say with other Babblers who have neutral feelings), the above behavior would not seem quite so problematic. But you were completely aware of Deneb's feelings. So, yes, imo, boudaries were not appropriately maintained.
Is expressing that wrong? I'm just laying out all the facts as presented in previously posts.
Deneb, I don't want to hurt you, or take away any joy. It may not seem like it, but I really only want to help.
bay
Posted by Deneb on August 12, 2009, at 22:07:45
In reply to Re: feeling uncomfortable » Dr. Bob, posted by BayLeaf on August 12, 2009, at 21:31:33
Please stop trying to convince Dr. Bob to avoid me. This whole topic is stressing me out a LOT. Please if you must, do this behind the scenes where I will not read it. My heart is skipping beats, it is very stressful for me.
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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