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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 13 to 37 of 59. Go back in thread:
Posted by BayLeaf on August 5, 2009, at 17:58:32
In reply to Re: feeling uncomfortable, posted by Dr. Bob on August 5, 2009, at 4:27:03
What I see is erotic tranference which is completely stuck. It cannot be processed by you in this context. You are not her therapist nor her pdoc. You have not made efforts, which I have seen to assist her to process, understand, and abate this highly charged emotion.
There are many people here who have experienced erotic love for their T, or pdoc, whoever. It take a LOT of work for both parties to resolve. Poor Deneb is simply stuck in it. You are not (from what I can see in public posts) trying to assist her.
That is what is painful for me. I know this will end in pain. It's unrequited "love". You are a professional looking at her as a nice poster. The longer it goes on, the more painful it will be. She needs to be treated for this. It's obsessive, erotic transference for which she is not getting help.
You seeing her at Babble gatherings is just the *opposite* of helpful. You are leading her into thinking you 2 can have a relationship of any sort. Clearly that is not possible, and imo its downright emotionally dangerous for her.
I am not saying that YOU are the one to treat her. But, you ought to privately be explaining this to her, and encouraging her to work hard on getting past this so she can work on the real issues.
Bay
Posted by Dinah on August 5, 2009, at 18:18:10
In reply to Re: feeling uncomfortable » Dr. Bob, posted by BayLeaf on August 5, 2009, at 17:58:32
I don't see this as any way erotic.
Also, since Deneb has spoken about her therapist's thoughts on the matter, I'm thinking that not only is it not untreated, but that it is being used in treatment to explore larger issues.
Posted by Dinah on August 5, 2009, at 18:20:32
In reply to Re: feeling uncomfortable » BayLeaf, posted by Dinah on August 5, 2009, at 18:18:10
It is enormously rude of me to attempt to speak for you when you are speaking very well for yourself.
Posted by Deneb on August 5, 2009, at 18:51:02
In reply to Re: feeling uncomfortable » Dr. Bob, posted by BayLeaf on August 5, 2009, at 17:58:32
Some of this love may be transference, but it is not erotic. It is not a sexual love.
My pdoc knows all about my love. She doesn't seem concerned. I talk about Dr. Bob a lot with her.
I know Dr. Bob doesn't love me, it's definitely not erotomania. I think it is just a strange coping mechanism combined with some obsessive thoughts. It is a little bit obsessive in that I need to think of Dr. Bob daily and I often say his name over and over again. These thoughts don't bother me though and I think something is only a problem if it interferes with my life, which it doesn't.
Thanks for the concern though. I didn't know some people objected to my posts because of that.
Posted by Deneb on August 5, 2009, at 19:17:40
In reply to Re: feeling uncomfortable » Dr. Bob, posted by BayLeaf on August 5, 2009, at 17:58:32
I know I will never have any type of relationship with Dr. Bob. Sometimes I long for him to be my friend, but I get over it. The real object of my affection isn't entirely Dr. Bob, it is like a hybrid of Dr. Bob and some imaginary Dr. Bob in my mind. I know Dr. Bob isn't that person. It is a person mostly in my mind.
I think there is a possibility of getting hurt here, but I think I am thinking things through and working on it so it won't be as painful when Dr. Bob lets me down or blocks me or something. I remember during the Toronto trip I was very jealous of Dr. Bob giving other Babblers attention, but I don't get jealous anymore. I worked though that.
There is still the problem of my fantasy of Dr. Bob saving me, but I am working on that too. I thought that might give me problems, but my trip to SF was not affected. I had a great time, for the most part it is just some fantasy in my mind and I haven't acted on the thoughts.
Thanks for your concern Bayleaf.
Posted by henrietta on August 5, 2009, at 20:10:18
In reply to I am dreadfully sorry Deneb, posted by Dinah on August 5, 2009, at 18:20:32
I can't remember what the deal was. Was Bob Crane killed by a child molester or was Bob Crane a child molester? Maybe neither is true. Quite possibly neither is true.
"Lolita", Vladimer Nabokov, , tremendously interesting book. Lolita didn't really recognize her burgeoning, healthy, juvenile erotic drives, and was in no way responsible for the irresponsible and damaging behavior of Humbert Humbert (? Is that his name? Been a while since I read it.) Yet she was badly abused. Just a thought that has come up for me during this discussion.
Posted by Dinah on August 5, 2009, at 20:26:03
In reply to bob crane, posted by henrietta on August 5, 2009, at 20:10:18
Bob Crane was not a pedophile.
He liked women. Very mature women from what I understand. He liked porn. He liked to film himself with women, and he liked to watch himself on the films. But little girls were not of any particular interest to him as far as I know. And certainly not as far as I could see.
He was wonderfully gracious. Very patient when the camera wouldn't work. The picture of myself with him is one of my prize possessions.
But it was just an innocent picture of a barely adolescent girl with a man who was nothing but nice to her.
He died a horrible death. And I was shocked and horribly distressed at what I learned of his lifestyle. But to me he was very kind, and very proper. It was the very chastest and most appropriate kiss you could imagine. It was an innocent and happy moment in my life, and an innocent moment in his.
Now, I never claimed not to have erotic fantasies about Bob Crane. Or as erotic as a twelve or thirteen year old could manage at least. I've seen my diaries of the time. I didn't manage to conjure more than the mildest hint of Eros.
Posted by Dinah on August 5, 2009, at 20:30:52
In reply to Re: bob crane » henrietta, posted by Dinah on August 5, 2009, at 20:26:03
rofl
Poor Bob. Bob Crane that is.
To imagine that he could get the teensiest bit of sexual gratification from a peck on the lips with a flat chested little girl who was so tongue tied that her father had to ask him to kiss her while her mother took their picture.
And I of course was beet red and nearly crying of embarrassment and excitement.
Oh, the very picture!!!!
Bless the man for keeping a straight face with no more of those charming eye crinkles than would be expected from a kind smile.
Posted by Dinah on August 5, 2009, at 20:38:41
In reply to Re: bob crane, posted by Dinah on August 5, 2009, at 20:30:52
Oh Henrietta, thank you.
I haven't laughed so hard for days. What a wonderful though embarrassing memory you've brought to vivid life.
I checked my framed signature. I was only twelve. And so very disappointed that I didn't have any cleavage, because he had said on Tattletales (with great feeling) that he was a breast man. All my dreams of being swept away by the dashing Colonel Hogan brought to dust by the slowness of puberty!
So instead of the grand romance I dreamed of, I got a sweet moment that is still framed on my wall. Not a bad trade really.
Posted by henrietta on August 5, 2009, at 20:43:37
In reply to Re: bob crane, posted by Dinah on August 5, 2009, at 20:30:52
I'm sorry you misunderstood me. I didn't mean to suggest he got any erotic gratification from your interaction.
Posted by Dinah on August 5, 2009, at 20:48:45
In reply to Re: bob crane » Dinah, posted by henrietta on August 5, 2009, at 20:43:37
Well thank heavens!!!
When you asked if he was a pedophile, I got the funniest picture in my head!
I'm sure my gratification was every bit as erotic as I could muster, if that's what you meant. Bob Crane's lips touched my own! I'm pretty sure I didn't wash them for weeks.
That doesn't mean that Deneb's feelings for Dr. Bob mirror mine for *my* Bob. I don't ever remember Deneb talking about Dr. Bob in anywhere near the same way that I talked about the roguishly sexy Colonel Hogan.
Posted by henrietta on August 5, 2009, at 20:58:24
In reply to Re: bob crane » henrietta, posted by Dinah on August 5, 2009, at 20:48:45
My last little post has disappeared.
Best as I can recall it said something like this:
"Ah, yes, these are Administrative issues.
But seriously, Dinah, I was attempting to get at much larger issues. Never mind."
Good night!
Posted by Dinah on August 5, 2009, at 21:36:20
In reply to Re: bob crane » Dinah, posted by henrietta on August 5, 2009, at 20:58:24
I'm terribly literal at times.
I read your post as being about Bob Crane, whether he was a child molester or killed by a child molester, and Lolita and the sexuality and abuse of young girls.
I'm afraid I did totally miss the larger point.
But that's ok. As you say, never mind.
Posted by Dr. Bob on August 5, 2009, at 23:35:58
In reply to bob crane, posted by henrietta on August 5, 2009, at 20:10:18
> > One pitfall is that I might show favoritism?
>
> Yes, that's one. I also think of more.
>
> Glydin 00What other ones?
--
> That is what is painful for me. I know this will end in pain.
>
> Bay> Lolita didn't really recognize her burgeoning, healthy, juvenile erotic drives, and was in no way responsible for the irresponsible and damaging behavior of Humbert Humbert
>
> HenriettaSo feeling uncomfortable may in part reflect anxiety about what may happen. Since love can expose one to irresponsibility and damage and pain. Which some of you may know firsthand.
--
> I am not saying that YOU are the one to treat her. But, you ought to privately be explaining this to her, and encouraging her to work hard on getting past this so she can work on the real issues.
>
> BayBut wouldn't that be support and education as opposed to board management?
Bob
Posted by Glydin 00 on August 6, 2009, at 10:43:51
In reply to Re: feeling uncomfortable, posted by Dr. Bob on August 5, 2009, at 23:35:58
I have given all the thoughts, feelings, opinions and logic (well, my logic FWIW) I care to give to this subject. I find myself echoing and repeating myself.
I would like to know:
Do you plan to make any changes as to how you/Adm. deal with the discussed posts on these boards?
I would appreciate an answer...
Posted by Dr. Bob on August 6, 2009, at 18:33:01
In reply to Re: » Dr. Bob, posted by Glydin 00 on August 6, 2009, at 10:43:51
> I have given all the thoughts, feelings, opinions and logic (well, my logic FWIW) I care to give to this subject.
OK, thanks for expressing the anxiety about favoritism that I assume others also feel.
> Do you plan to make any changes as to how you/Adm. deal with the discussed posts on these boards?
No, at this time, anyway, I'm not convinced that a change is necessary.
Bob
Posted by BayLeaf on August 6, 2009, at 20:11:24
In reply to Re: feeling uncomfortable, posted by Dr. Bob on August 5, 2009, at 23:35:58
I am going to reply privately.
Posted by Deneb on August 6, 2009, at 20:12:09
In reply to Re: » Dr. Bob, posted by Glydin 00 on August 6, 2009, at 10:43:51
Hey Glydin,
Dr. Bob doesn't seem to show any favouritism for me. No special treatment for me. I don't want special treatment either. Everything Dr. Bob does with me, he does with other Babblers, be it hugs, playing Scrabble or the random chat.
I've been blocked before and I have no doubt I will be again if ever I am uncivil.
I hope that makes you feel better.
Posted by Glydin 00 on August 6, 2009, at 20:51:31
In reply to Re No favouritism, posted by Deneb on August 6, 2009, at 20:12:09
I appreciate this post to me. Even with a lack of seeing eye to eye about this, we believe we have managed to have civil and respectful exchanges. I have be proud of that....
On a personal note, it was never my intention to pressure. I was merely expressing my wishes for what I would like to see and offering an alternative idea.
I am continuing to work to understand and be more comfortable.... time will tell as how that works out for me.
Posted by Deneb on August 6, 2009, at 21:14:36
In reply to Re: Re No favouritism » Deneb, posted by Glydin 00 on August 6, 2009, at 20:51:31
Thanks Glydin.
I will make an effort to post them less because I know they make you uncomfortable.
Posted by Deneb on August 10, 2009, at 9:29:39
In reply to Re: feeling uncomfortable » Dr. Bob, posted by BayLeaf on August 6, 2009, at 20:11:24
Hey Bayleaf, I just wanted to reassure you that my love for Dr. Bob is pretty much harmless. I asked about my love on this doctor's forum and got this answer:
Your personality disorder predisposes you to seek enhanced emotional involvement, and it isn't surprising that you have focused on the doctor. As long as he maintains appropriate boundaries and doesn't reinforce your behavior, there is not much else to be done. I'm relieved that you understand that your rescue fantasies are indeed fantasies. You are receiving comprehensive treatment and seem reality-based, so your love is not causing treatment issues, and that's the best that anyone can hope for.
Posted by Glydin 00 on August 10, 2009, at 13:19:19
In reply to Re: feeling uncomfortable » BayLeaf, posted by Deneb on August 10, 2009, at 9:29:39
> As long as he maintains appropriate boundaries and doesn't reinforce your behavior, there is not much else to be done.
~~~ Just a question...
What actions would you see as reinforcing your behavior?
Posted by Deneb on August 10, 2009, at 13:33:12
In reply to Re: feeling uncomfortable » Deneb, posted by Glydin 00 on August 10, 2009, at 13:19:19
> > As long as he maintains appropriate boundaries and doesn't reinforce your behavior, there is not much else to be done.
>
> ~~~ Just a question...
>
> What actions would you see as reinforcing your behavior?I think maybe like if he were to start replying to all my messages in a positive way, that might be reinforcing. He doesn't though. He is just silent.
Posted by Glydin 00 on August 10, 2009, at 14:37:08
In reply to Re: feeling uncomfortable » Glydin 00, posted by Deneb on August 10, 2009, at 13:33:12
Thanks for responding. I am trying to understand and get more comfortable. Your answers and comments help me with that process. In turn, I'm hoping it might be helpful for you too.
Posted by BayLeaf on August 10, 2009, at 20:54:35
In reply to Re: feeling uncomfortable » BayLeaf, posted by Deneb on August 10, 2009, at 9:29:39
Deneb - imo socializing with you is doing the opposite of this - "maintains appropriate boundaries and doesn't reinforce your behavior"
I am sure you will disagree, because you love this behavior of his so much. That does not make it appropriate.
bay
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