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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 18 of 18. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by muffled on January 19, 2008, at 14:26:30
There has been some divisive issues on some boards at times.
There has been hurtful babble mails at times.
I think babblemail 'feels' 'safer' cuz 1. its not on the boards for all to see 2. its not your personal mail addy
3. ?
I think that issues that may come up on the boards, and IMHO should be resolved as much as is possible ON the boards. Not 'behind the scenes' inflamatory stuff going on via bmail.
People get really really hurt by this. VERY much so. When you are dissed via bmail it feels terribly personal. Whereas if its on the boards, you feel less so. Or mebbe its just people bmail what they would not normally post...
For me to report a bmail is a bad thing...the old 'rat' syndrome...If its on the boards...then it IS generally seen and you don't goto 'rat', or can *carefully* express your hurt...
I am also aware that some seemed to feel that babble was bad or something and felt the need to start their own separate secret 'group', and of course make sure others knew about it...
I HATED cligues in high school. People are just people. Anyhow, its a free world...
But BECAUSE bmail is so readily available. I think it worsens the whole phenomenon that I am trying so carefully to explain w/o being blocked :-(
So I think bmail contributes to me feeling unsafe on babble.
I don't bmail often myself.
What I wish to suggest, is that we (UGH!) regulate (sigh...more rules...) bmail. I had a thot that allowing only say...2 bmails/day?...would reduce the rapid way negative stuff can fly around in the background.
Anyhow, I am just putting this out there, maybe its only me :-( I know people can give out emails, but theres often some slightly more reluctance to do that.
I just feel not safe on the board I hang on, when I know there's so much talking going on 'behind my back' as it were :-( Then there are posts that make one realize there has got to be other stuff going on.I dunno whats happening , but I have seen several posts there of people expressing their feelings of no longer feeling safe.
I am just writing this cuz babblers been good to me. I just would like to make it feel as safe here as possible. I am NOT feeling safe :-(
Please don't block me for this.
M
Posted by Phillipa on January 19, 2008, at 15:08:37
In reply to Regarding Babblemail issues, posted by muffled on January 19, 2008, at 14:26:30
Muffled sorry you got or heard of not too kind babblemails. But I think Bob wants them reported. Someone will comment further as like you don't want a block. Phillipa
Posted by sunnydays on January 19, 2008, at 15:14:08
In reply to Regarding Babblemail issues, posted by muffled on January 19, 2008, at 14:26:30
That's why I don't think my Babblemail is even turned on. I kind of want to stick to interactions on the boards that have some sort of oversight, even if I don't always agree with all the ways that oversight is done. It just feels safer that way to me.
sunnydays
Posted by Happyflower on January 19, 2008, at 23:01:19
In reply to Regarding Babblemail issues, posted by muffled on January 19, 2008, at 14:26:30
> I am also aware that some seemed to feel that babble was bad or something and felt the need to start their own separate secret 'group', and of course make sure others knew about it...
> I HATED cligues in high school. People are just people. Anyhow, its a free world...Well if you are talking about me and the group I started not to long ago, I would like to know where I told anyone it was secret group and when I "make sure others knew about it". My group is not a replacement for Babble, post of the members in my group still post on Babble. But it was created to be more intimate of a place without the fear of the whole world or thousands of others reading our issues and the fear of getting blocked for reasons I still don't understand. The group wasn't anything against Babble, it was just for us to become better friends then we already were at the time.
I started a group to be off the public boards for some of who has gotten to knew each other with similar interests to talk about all kinds of stuff, it really has nothing to do with this site other than that is where some of us met. I started the group and I invited those I felt closet too, and then others were invited by already members. It is really not much different than sending babblemails to several babblers at one time.
Posted by muffled on January 19, 2008, at 23:04:55
In reply to Re: Regarding Babblemail issues, posted by Happyflower on January 19, 2008, at 23:01:19
K thanks for letting meknow, my fertile imagination gets the best of me.
i drunk, f*ck*ng *ss wasted, tee hee.
Luv ya HF.
Ypou amamzing person, you come from hard place but you gionna MAKE it andf help others.
I just a fucjk up.
Sorry
M
Posted by Happyflower on January 19, 2008, at 23:08:50
In reply to Regarding Babblemail issues, posted by muffled on January 19, 2008, at 14:26:30
There are also babble get togethers too, and all of the public aren't invited to those either. Some of us are just closer to others. But I certainly didn't make any big deal about it, I didn't even mention it until today on the boards because I feel like I have to defend myself again for something I have done that isn't against the rules or anything wrong. It is life.
Posted by Happyflower on January 19, 2008, at 23:28:37
In reply to Regarding Babblemail issues, posted by muffled on January 19, 2008, at 14:26:30
I really think too much is being made about this, and if the concern is not hurting people, then why is this posted on here about 7 people talking privately to each other? I am sure there are other groups too.
I am feeling very judged right now...
Posted by muffled on January 19, 2008, at 23:50:05
In reply to Re: Regarding Babblemail issues, posted by Happyflower on January 19, 2008, at 23:28:37
Posted by Dr. Bob on January 20, 2008, at 4:27:19
In reply to Regarding Babblemail issues, posted by muffled on January 19, 2008, at 14:26:30
> I think that issues that may come up on the boards, and IMHO should be resolved as much as is possible ON the boards.
> For me to report a bmail is a bad thing...the old 'rat' syndrome...
> I am also aware that some seemed to feel that babble was bad or something and felt the need to start their own separate secret 'group', and of course make sure others knew about it...
> I HATED cligues in high school.
> So I think bmail contributes to me feeling unsafe on babble.
> I just would like to make it feel as safe here as possible.It's hard. There are advantages and disadvantages to doing things on and off the boards.
I'd like people to feel safe here, too. Letting me know about an uncivil babblemail helps me keep you -- and others -- safe.
You can turn off your own babblemail, but that doesn't keep others from talking about you. I don't think there's any way to prevent people from talking about you. I know that can bring up old feelings of exclusion.
I also don't think there's any way to prevent people from forming their own groups, secret or otherwise. And I'm not sure it would be something I'd want to prevent, anyway, they might find that more helpful than Babble. Posting (or linking to) anything that could lead people here to feel accused or put down would, however, be considered uncivil.
Bob
Posted by Happyflower on January 20, 2008, at 8:16:01
In reply to OH SH*T!!! sorry HF, not wanna make ya feel bad :( (nm), posted by muffled on January 19, 2008, at 23:50:05
Just a question, was this post direct torwards me and my group and written about my group? The email too? Dr. Bob told me not to take things so personal. If not my group or email than who's are you referring to? What is the purpose of starting this thread?
Posted by Happyflower on January 20, 2008, at 8:30:09
In reply to Re: OH SH*T!!! sorry HF, not wanna make ya feel ba, posted by Happyflower on January 20, 2008, at 8:16:01
It really doesn't matter anymore. Goodbye.
Posted by karen_kay on January 21, 2008, at 11:41:01
In reply to Regarding Babblemail issues, posted by muffled on January 19, 2008, at 14:26:30
i love to bmail posters, jsut out of the blue :( posters i don't regularly talk to, i'll send out a bmail every once in a while.
i usually save the boards for my 'rotten stuff' :)
and i think you can report a bmail, if it's offensive.
i can only imagine what posters say about me via bmail, but i never thought about it til you brought it up :)
(((((my muff))))) i'm sorry you don't feel safe. but, not everyone uses bmail to gossip. i wish i had more time to do that :) i think a limit to bmails wouldn't be good. then, i wouldn't be able to propose to absolute strangers several times a day.
i say, let others do what they want. but leave bmail outta this! i love it.
Posted by muffled on January 21, 2008, at 13:57:25
In reply to butt, butt, butt... » muffled, posted by karen_kay on January 21, 2008, at 11:41:01
Posted by Toph on January 21, 2008, at 22:23:06
In reply to butt, butt, butt... » muffled, posted by karen_kay on January 21, 2008, at 11:41:01
> and i think you can report a bmail, if it's offensive.
>Speaking of butts, I found those naked pictures of you that you babblemailed me highly offensive, kk.
Posted by karen_kay on January 22, 2008, at 10:33:45
In reply to Re: butt, butt, butt... » karen_kay, posted by Toph on January 21, 2008, at 22:23:06
i used regular email, so you cn't report them!!!
and i still haven't recieved my $20 bucks for those pictures toph!
i'm cheap, but not free...
your fiance and sender of naked pics,
kkps. did i spell fiance right? does it even matter?
Posted by Toph on January 22, 2008, at 12:57:17
In reply to pants on fire!!!! » Toph, posted by karen_kay on January 22, 2008, at 10:33:45
OK, k or Oh kk, the check is in the mail. But who is going to pay for all the extra therapy I now need?
Posted by karen_kay on January 22, 2008, at 13:11:02
In reply to Let's keep it administrative here » karen_kay, posted by Toph on January 22, 2008, at 12:57:17
or to social! i'm tired of getting in trouble on this board for nto keeping it adminstrative :)
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20080104/msgs/808329.html
did i do that right????
Posted by Racer on January 31, 2008, at 14:28:58
In reply to Regarding Babblemail issues, posted by muffled on January 19, 2008, at 14:26:30
This is not the same issue, but it's related:
Sometimes I get BabbleMails from people asking questions about medications, etc. With one or two exceptions, where the subject really is kinda private (bodily functions we may not want to make too public without masks on), I'd really rather answer on the boards -- some people might have better answers than I do, other people might have similar questions and benefit from the answers, etc.
On the one hand, I'm frustrated, because I don't want to make the discussion private; on the other hand, I feel uncomfortable about the choice to post publicly that I received a BabbleMail asking [question], and here's my answer...
Usually, I write back and explain my personal feelings about the matter, that the question is one I'd rather see on the boards and why. That doesn't feel very supportive, and it triggers one of my personal twitches: I think I'm not good at expressing myself in a way that feels caring to others. I think I come across as cold, at best.
I'm not sure I have any suggestions about solutions, except maybe to mention somewhere, in some FAQ, or even on the BabbleMail form itself, that some questions might benefit others, and the community might be better served if they were posted publicly?
That said, I have no problem with BabbleMailed questions that are too embarrassing to be posted publicly. And I have no problem with "just plain saying hi" via BabbleMail.
This is the end of the thread.
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