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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 25 to 49 of 52. Go back in thread:
Posted by Dr. Bob on October 24, 2004, at 20:51:37
In reply to Are these not I statements? » Dr. Bob, posted by gardenergirl on October 23, 2004, at 20:17:44
> Aren't Jai's statements "I" statements?
I guess so. But the usual context for this has been feeling hurt or offended, and maybe there's a difference between that and feeling sickened?
Bob
Posted by crushedout on October 24, 2004, at 20:51:46
In reply to Re: Hi Mary » bobby, posted by Atticus on October 23, 2004, at 23:39:57
...like everyone else's?
my g*d, he's a good writer. i'll miss him. he's awfully entertaining.
Posted by crushedout on October 24, 2004, at 20:53:36
In reply to Re blocked for week » Atticus, posted by Dr. Bob on October 24, 2004, at 20:51:05
that was a funny choice of quotes to pick out, dr. bob. :)
Posted by crushedout on October 24, 2004, at 20:56:04
In reply to Re: Are these not I statements?, posted by Dr. Bob on October 24, 2004, at 20:51:37
no offense, dr. b, but i think you should un-pbc jai, since you basically admit that it was a mistake. the poor girl's all shook up.
Posted by gardenergirl on October 24, 2004, at 21:00:14
In reply to Re: Are these not I statements? » Dr. Bob, posted by crushedout on October 24, 2004, at 20:56:04
I agree. Sickened is another way of feeling. I don't think there should be a hierarchy of feelings.
gg
Posted by karen_kay on October 24, 2004, at 21:58:58
In reply to Be prepared to have sex Thanks Hsiung replied, posted by Mary_Bowers on October 22, 2004, at 20:08:25
and it's not with me?
good grief, and i thought my day couldn't get any worse :(
Posted by alesta on October 24, 2004, at 22:17:54
In reply to Re: Are these not I statements? » alesta, posted by gardenergirl on October 24, 2004, at 16:35:38
hi, gg,
thanks for addressing me in the nice way that you did. :) i guess we'll just have to agree to disagree on this one..:)
I realize in therapy they emphasize "I statements" as a good way to help communicate to your partner in a nonoffending manner. I do think they can be a great tool for that purpose. But I think it is still possible to offend someone, even using these statements, if that is the intent. Good intent needs to work in conjunction with the "I statement." For instance, someone could have said to Mary, or whoever (this is just an example of how an "I statement" can be hurtful) "I hate stupid b*tches." this is definitely completely offensive. So, therefore, the "i statement" format does not guarantee that a statement will be nonoffensive. in sum, with good intent, i statements can help, but do not eliminate the possibility of offending.
Amy
Posted by gardenergirl on October 24, 2004, at 23:49:44
In reply to Re: Are these not I statements? » gardenergirl, posted by alesta on October 24, 2004, at 22:17:54
I have to agree, if someone said that to me, well, I would be angry. Good point about the intent. I didn't perceive any intent to hurt on Jai's part, though. Perhaps I am reading too much or too little into her post, but given her history of posts, it felt like legitimate pain to me.
But disagreeing is okay, as you say.
Warmly,
gg
Posted by alesta on October 25, 2004, at 1:04:37
In reply to Re: Are these not I statements? » alesta, posted by gardenergirl on October 24, 2004, at 23:49:44
Cool. :) Still love ya! :-)Take Care,
amy :)
Posted by Jai Narayan on October 25, 2004, at 8:28:42
In reply to Re: Are these not I statements? » gardenergirl, posted by alesta on October 25, 2004, at 1:04:37
"Be prepared to have sex with someone with no experience other than porn movies. Lips full of spit."
I was sickened by the thread Mary posted.
I totally own my reaction to be ill.
This, for some reason, brought up my molestation memories.
So the part about being sick was in relationship to the post that Mary posted.
It was not in reference to Mary herself.
Sorry.
Now that I've had time to look at it and I am free of my reaction
I can even enjoy KK's comment and laugh.But when I first saw it I felt ill.
So the whole Admin. board started to swim in my head and eyes.
It felt like vertigo.Sorry for causing any problems.
thank you gg for your support.
You helped me to see clearly.
Jai
Posted by AdaGrace on October 25, 2004, at 9:41:08
In reply to Double double quotes, eh?, posted by Mary_Bowers on October 23, 2004, at 0:30:20
>Can't be right all the time.>
Nice to see you admit a mistake Mary.
> I find it disturbing that a physician schmoozes with clients about how they punctuate their graphically sexual Internet chats, which he sponsors.>
"schmoozes"? It was a Thank You. There was no schmoozing at all. Good Grief!!!!
"Graphically sexual Internet Chats"????????I made no references to body parts.
I made no references to actual specific GRAPHIC sexual acts. Okay, the "Squeel Like a Pig" comment could be graphic if someone had actually seen the movie. Sorry about that.
"Sexual Internet Chats"? You make it sound like I was having cyber sex with Dr. Bob. How ridiculous, and extreemly offensive to me.
<There are a lot of things that might give a person what feels like a warm healthy glow, but they are not neccessarily healthy and perhaps nothing more than empty excitement.>I got no warm healthy glow from Dr. Bob's "thank you"...only a small grin that he got my "double double toil and trouble" line. Which is a reference to witchcraft, and I am sure that is offensive to some as well. Again I appoligize for that.
As far as "empty excitement" goes.......Mary, there has been absolutely no "empty excitement" for me here. As a matter of fact, I have absolutely no idea what "empty excitement" means...I have no excitement in my life period, hence my reason for visiting this website in the first place.
I am extreemly offended that you used one of my posts and included it in your crusade to berate and badger the "moderator" of this site and I am very upset. I certainly hope you think about the ramifications of your actions in the future because not only have you upset me, you have upset Jai and a good many others.
I have made a few friends here, and now feel belittled that one of my posts was pointed out and picked apart so that everyone coming to this board could read it over and over again. I was speaking to an individual in a joking manner. Not you, not Dr. Bob (except for the double double quote comment), and not Jai. Even though I realize that my post was public and could be read by everyone on this website, people who do not frequent the Social board would not have seen it if it wasn't for you. People that do frequent that board, but might have been offended by my post's title may or may not have simply overlooked it and not read it. Now because of you, it has been spread all over this board as well.
Thank you Mary for making me feel like a complete idiot, a social outcast, and above all......someone who sounds like a sexual pervert.
AdaGrace
Posted by AdaGrace on October 25, 2004, at 9:43:54
In reply to I was sickened by the thread Mary posted, posted by Jai Narayan on October 25, 2004, at 8:28:42
I meant no harm to anyone on this website, and I am very sorry that I was the original poster and that my own comment was upsetting to you. I really am sorry. I am very angry right now that my post was reffered to, but I am very very sorry to you that it was upsetting in any way.
Please forgive me,
AdaGrace
Posted by Dinah on October 25, 2004, at 10:47:02
In reply to Re: Double double quotes, eh? » Mary_Bowers, posted by AdaGrace on October 25, 2004, at 9:41:08
Sweetie, don't worry yourself. I doubt there are many people who see you as any of those things.
I see you as someone who worked darn hard to keep Social up and cheerful at a time when it needed a little boost. I appreciated that.
Posted by AdaGrace on October 25, 2004, at 10:58:26
In reply to Re: Double double quotes, eh? » AdaGrace, posted by Dinah on October 25, 2004, at 10:47:02
Thank you for the support, but I still fell grossly perverted and stupid. I think I'll just go eat myself sick.
AdaGrace
Posted by just plain jane on October 25, 2004, at 11:38:48
In reply to Be prepared to have sex Thanks Hsiung replied, posted by Mary_Bowers on October 22, 2004, at 20:08:25
This whole thread was started because of a conversation between myself and AdaGrace.
Mary Bowers,
Did you read my post, to which she replied with the one you have been squalling about?
Did you perceive that it was friendly banter?
Did you perceive our humor?
Do you understand the suggestion on my part that she could come to my farm and have a break from her misery whilst I went into her "life" to see about brightening it up for her?Do you feel good to have tried to distort a simple friendly humor-laced conversation between two posters into something outrageously inappropriate?
Do I really give a shyt what you think??
-----------------------
AdaGrace,I'm sorry this happened with your post. Please try to realize it has nothing to do with you doing something wrong or offensive. You didn't.
I believe it has everything to do with this Mary Bowers poster probably having little else to do with her mind than be the way she is being, which I find quite offensive.
-------------------
Dr. Bob;
Doesn't Mary's offending me and so many others qualify her for a block? Or at least a dozen or so PBCs??
Posted by gardenergirl on October 25, 2004, at 15:36:09
In reply to I was sickened by the thread Mary posted, posted by Jai Narayan on October 25, 2004, at 8:28:42
Posted by gardenergirl on October 25, 2004, at 15:38:16
In reply to Re: Double double quotes, eh? » Mary_Bowers, posted by AdaGrace on October 25, 2004, at 9:41:08
>
> <There are a lot of things that might give a person what feels like a warm healthy glow, but they are not neccessarily healthy and perhaps nothing more than empty excitement.>I think she is saying that she gets no, er, well..I mean maybe she needs, er, well, ummm, (blushes)...perhaps she is without er, well, ummm
Oh never mind....
;)
gg
Posted by AdaGrace on October 25, 2004, at 15:52:55
In reply to Re: Double double quotes, eh? » AdaGrace, posted by gardenergirl on October 25, 2004, at 15:38:16
Gardengirl
Shame shame shame on you for tempting me to respond yet again. I am sinking further and further into the mire and it has gone beyond a simple pore cleaning experience and had turned to an ugly unhealthy colon emptying experience.
You bad bad girl.
AdaGrace
PS: 2 more things to list on my things that AdaGrace says that could be offensive.
#31. Cleaning Pours
#32. Emptying Colons
Posted by Jai Narayan on October 25, 2004, at 18:33:04
In reply to Re: I am so sorry Jai » Jai Narayan, posted by AdaGrace on October 25, 2004, at 9:43:54
Please, don't take that on yourself.
I am touched by your sweetness.
I never read your post anywhere else other than here at PB Admn. when it was used by Mary to make a point.
It's hard to avoid a painful post when it's in the subject line.
plus who knew I would have that response?
I certainly didn't until it was upon me.please don't be upset.
you did nothing wrong.
really.
my best to you
Jai
Posted by Jai Narayan on October 25, 2004, at 18:37:22
In reply to Dr. Bob; AdaGrace; MaryMaryQuiteContrary, posted by just plain jane on October 25, 2004, at 11:38:48
Oh dear, JPJ I am so sorry this all started with something playful. My goodness we don't have enough fun on PB these days.
I hope we can have fun again.
take care
Jai
Posted by alexandra_k on October 25, 2004, at 22:17:03
In reply to Re: please be civil » Jai Narayan, posted by Dr. Bob on October 23, 2004, at 15:55:46
> > I am sickened by this inquiry Mary Bowers.
> > I feel like throwing up.
>
> Please don't post anything that could lead others to feel accused or put down.
I am confused about how your lovely 'I' statements can possibly be construed as a breech of civility rules. Unless Dr. B thinks that others are responsible for the way one is feeling of course.But thats news to me.
Never had a problem with civility rules before, they always seemed reasonable to me.
But that one is pushing it, I have to say.
If I was Jai, I would feel very hurt and accused for receiving a civility warning for that one.
PBC Dr. B.
Posted by alesta on October 25, 2004, at 22:35:23
In reply to PBC Dr. B, posted by alexandra_k on October 25, 2004, at 22:17:03
> I am confused about how your lovely 'I' statements can possibly be construed as a breech of civility rules. Unless Dr. B thinks that others are responsible for the way one is feeling of course.but others can be responsible for the way one feels. unless you believe the old adage "sticks and stones may break my bones but words may never hurt me." jai can feel however she wants, but it's the communication of that bad feeling that is where the problem lies.
amy
Posted by alesta on October 25, 2004, at 22:48:52
In reply to Dr. Bob; AdaGrace; MaryMaryQuiteContrary, posted by just plain jane on October 25, 2004, at 11:38:48
> This whole thread was started because of a conversation between myself and AdaGrace.
>
> Mary Bowers,
>
> Did you read my post, to which she replied with the one you have been squalling about?
>
> Did you perceive that it was friendly banter?
> Did you perceive our humor?
> Do you understand the suggestion on my part that she could come to my farm and have a break from her misery whilst I went into her "life" to see about brightening it up for her?
>
> Do you feel good to have tried to distort a simple friendly humor-laced conversation between two posters into something outrageously inappropriate?
>
> Do I really give a shyt what you think??
> -----------------------
> AdaGrace,
>
> I'm sorry this happened with your post. Please try to realize it has nothing to do with you doing something wrong or offensive. You didn't.
>
> I believe it has everything to do with this Mary Bowers poster probably having little else to do with her mind than be the way she is being, which I find quite offensive.
> -------------------
> Dr. Bob;
> Doesn't Mary's offending me and so many others qualify her for a block? Or at least a dozen or so PBCs??
>who's contrary? this had nothing to do with you jane. mary had no problem with what you and adagrace said! she wasn't insulting you are saying you guys were inappropriate or anything like that! she just thought it would be inappropriate for dr. bob to join in. and then she admitted she made a mistake, as she didn't understand what he really meant by "thanks". mary made a mistake. that was her only crime. not that she's the only one. i'm so sick of seeing this mary mutiny. you guys need to cool it with the accusations and bias. mary is a person, and has been much more civil on her end than some of you bob "allies" have.
amy
Posted by alexandra_k on October 25, 2004, at 23:48:07
In reply to PBC Dr. B, posted by alexandra_k on October 25, 2004, at 22:17:03
So, to summarise the situation: We are not allowed to say 'I feel _____' where the underscored word is a 'negative emotion' and the phrase occurs in the context of ones response to something that someone else has done, or to another person.
We are not allowed to express how we feel.
Note: this is not 'you made me feel ___' or even 'when you do _____ you make me feel _____'.
When we are saying that we feel a certain way BECAUSE of the actions of another.
Even less is it 'you are _____' when we consider that we have to feel that way because of an underlying quality of the other person
When we 'blame' them for our response
This seems to me a clear case of 'just shut up, you cannot express your feelings here'. I didn't appreciate that the civility rules were about one censoring WHAT one has to say, I thought it was all about phrasing it in a way that is not unduly hurtful or accusitory to another.
How about " 'I feel _______' - but then I am exceptionally sensitive which is why I am posting to a mental health board". Civil or no???
I do understand that it is hard (if not impossible) to make the civility rules explicit but I always thought I understood the general gist well enough.
Now I am mildly annoyed.
(NOTE: the above does not imply anything about the actions or behaviours of another, and should not be seen as blaming, accusing, or intentionally hurting).Civil or no?
Posted by Dr. Bob on October 26, 2004, at 9:14:08
In reply to Dr. Bob; AdaGrace; MaryMaryQuiteContrary, posted by just plain jane on October 25, 2004, at 11:38:48
> this Mary Bowers poster probably [has] little else to do with her mind than be the way she is being, which I find quite offensive.
Please don't post anything that could lead others to feel accused or put down.
If you or others have questions about this or about posting policies in general, or are interested in alternative ways of expressing yourself, please see the FAQ:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
Follow-ups regarding these issues, as well as replies to the above post, should of course themselves be civil.
> Doesn't Mary's offending me and so many others qualify her for a block? Or at least a dozen or so PBCs??
I'm watching what she posts, too, but if you're upset by something and want to make sure I know about it, you can either post here (please be civil) or email me directly (include "Psycho-Babble" in the subject line).
Thanks,
Bob
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