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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 47 to 71 of 71. Go back in thread:
Posted by Dinah on June 26, 2004, at 21:44:02
In reply to Re: A suggestion » Dinah, posted by gardenergirl on June 26, 2004, at 21:36:25
Gardenergirl, you are exceptional. I'm sure when they taught you about emphasizing personal responsibility, you came up with a lovely non-distancing way of putting it. (Perhaps you could help my therapist with that.)
You know, this is the only time I can ever remember when the Admin board seems safer than the rest of Babble. Tho I suppose I could post on Social as well?
Posted by TofuEmmy on June 26, 2004, at 21:51:45
In reply to Re: A suggestion » Dr. Bob, posted by Dinah on June 26, 2004, at 20:49:10
I read it the same way - I felt "OUCH"!! I'm sure he didn't mean it that way. But that is the way it felt. Perhaps more emphasis on the positive would have been helpful. Emmy
Posted by gabbix2 on June 26, 2004, at 21:58:11
In reply to Re: A suggestion » Dinah, posted by TofuEmmy on June 26, 2004, at 21:51:45
Posted by spoc on June 26, 2004, at 22:03:14
In reply to Re: A suggestion » Dinah, posted by TofuEmmy on June 26, 2004, at 21:51:45
I absolutely know what you mean, but do think it's definitely a standard blurb from the repertoire of replies to various situations. I have seen it in many places before (and heard something similar myself once too). But yes, there would seem to be room for reworking the words, which I gather are just saying that people should weigh what hurts more: being here or not being here.
Posted by spoc on June 26, 2004, at 22:05:51
In reply to Re: A suggestion, posted by spoc on June 26, 2004, at 22:03:14
Posted by Dinah on June 26, 2004, at 22:27:40
In reply to Re: A suggestion, posted by spoc on June 26, 2004, at 22:03:14
I've gotten it too, Spoc. And I described my reaction to it.
How did you feel when you heard them addressed to you?
I'm genuinely curious, as I wonder how different people perceive the same thing.
Intellectually, I knew, and know, that Dr. Bob doesn't mean any harm by it. But on a gut level, how did it *feel* to hear directed towards you?
Posted by spoc on June 26, 2004, at 22:42:55
In reply to Re: A suggestion » spoc, posted by Dinah on June 26, 2004, at 22:27:40
> I'm genuinely curious, as I wonder how different people perceive the same thing.
>
> Intellectually, I knew, and know, that Dr. Bob doesn't mean any harm by it. But on a gut level, how did it *feel* to hear directed towards you?<<<<< Oh, at the time and being newer, I was "certain" he was hinting that perhaps I didn't fit in. Maybe for my own sake, maybe for (worse) the sake of others. It didn't feel good at all (but I admit it's not unusual for me to perceive things that way). Anyway, after that I did notice the statement in other places where the poster wasn't being "bad," so I could see it as not having been personal. (I think! Oh my... :)
But I agree it could be worded more softly/tactfully.
Posted by gardenergirl on June 27, 2004, at 0:32:39
In reply to Re: But... » gardenergirl, posted by Dinah on June 26, 2004, at 21:44:02
(((Dinah))) I think you are pretty exceptional too.
That is kind of funny about admin right now. Social seems pretty safe. And Open was a silly blast tonight. We laughed, we snorted, we cried, we sang songs.
We missed you.
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on June 27, 2004, at 0:35:40
In reply to Re: A suggestion » Dinah, posted by spoc on June 26, 2004, at 22:42:55
I recognized, too, that was probably not Dr. Bob's intended mesage. I am pretty sensitive, some of you may have noticed. :)
And sometimes I pick up on a "flavor" whether it's intended or not, and feel stung by it. It's something I'm working on being more aware of. I guess I need to slather on the psychological sunscreen every day rather than get complacent.
gg
Posted by partlycloudy on June 27, 2004, at 7:29:14
In reply to Re: apparent inconsistencies, posted by Dr. Bob on June 26, 2004, at 15:55:50
>
> However, if even given the above you don't feel safe, then maybe it would in fact be better for you not to stay. Which would be a loss for us...
>
> BobYeah, some loss. Well, here goes this squeaky wheel out the door. Thanks for nothing,
DOCTOR.
Posted by Dinah on June 27, 2004, at 8:40:52
In reply to More to the point, Dr. Bob, posted by partlycloudy on June 27, 2004, at 7:29:14
Posted by Dinah on June 27, 2004, at 8:44:17
In reply to More to the point, Dr. Bob, posted by partlycloudy on June 27, 2004, at 7:29:14
If anyone else has any ideas, maybe you could contribute them.
How about something like:
"A poster's safety is always my primary concern, and of course I want you to do what is best for you. However, I hope you are able to find a way to post here while feeling safe, because the board would really miss your contribution if you were gone."
You could save the other wording for those occasions when you really do mean "Don't let the door hit you on the way out."
Posted by Dinah on June 27, 2004, at 8:59:02
In reply to Re: Suggested rewording - Dr. Bob, posted by Dinah on June 27, 2004, at 8:44:17
Ooh, or...
If you are familiar with the poster and the particular nature of his/her contribution, you could substitute "contribution" with "humor", or "insight", or "caring", or something like that.
Posted by gardenergirl on June 27, 2004, at 9:13:25
In reply to Re: Suggested rewording - Dr. Bob, posted by Dinah on June 27, 2004, at 8:59:02
That sounds much more validating to me. No "ouch" as I read it. Good job, Dinah.
gg
Posted by Dinah on June 28, 2004, at 11:11:45
In reply to Re: apparent inconsistencies, posted by Dr. Bob on June 26, 2004, at 15:55:50
It really was just meant to help.
Posted by Dinah on June 28, 2004, at 11:15:22
In reply to I really meant no criticism by my suggestion » Dr. Bob, posted by Dinah on June 28, 2004, at 11:11:45
I thought about it, but I'm not going to.
Peace?
Posted by lucy stone on June 29, 2004, at 15:04:03
In reply to More to the point, Dr. Bob, posted by partlycloudy on June 27, 2004, at 7:29:14
> >
> > However, if even given the above you don't feel safe, then maybe it would in fact be better for you not to stay. Which would be a loss for us...
> >
> > Bob
>
> Yeah, some loss. Well, here goes this squeaky wheel out the door. Thanks for nothing,
> DOCTOR.
>Since Dr. Bob's comment was directed at me, I have decided to leave. I may still lurk but I am done posting. I was very glad to find this board since I have no one IRL to talk to about therapy, but I don't feel safe here. It seems to me that Dr. Bob doesn't care if I stay or go and that is a repetition of some very painful times in my life. It is an ongoing theme in my therapy that I feel like I am easy to forget and not important in people's lives. Bye to all.
Posted by Dinah on June 29, 2004, at 15:33:48
In reply to Re: More to the point, Dr. Bob, posted by lucy stone on June 29, 2004, at 15:04:03
Lucy, you're important to *me*. And I care very much if you stay or go.
And as you might have grasped from some of our posts, many of us have received that charming little message at one time or another, and it really isn't personal although many of us find it discouraging (as an understatement). That's why I was trying to encourage Dr. Bob to change his standard wording. I don't think he has a clue how it can be received. My therapist is always surprised at my reaction when he says something similar.
So yes, you are valued here. Very much so. And I'd miss you very much if you were to go. And there are times when all of us who remain decide to remain for each other, not for Dr. Bob.
I truly hope you find yourself able to stay.
And I sincerely hope that Dr. Bob will clarify his meaning in a way that makes staying palatable to you.
Posted by Dinah on June 29, 2004, at 15:34:20
In reply to Re: More to the point, Dr. Bob, posted by Dinah on June 29, 2004, at 15:33:48
Posted by partlycloudy on June 29, 2004, at 17:50:43
In reply to Re: More to the point, Dr. Bob, posted by lucy stone on June 29, 2004, at 15:04:03
Lucy, I came back (I can only stay away for 2 days at a time, apparently). Please believe Dinah; your contributions to the board are very important. I hope you can decide to not take this personally, as I did, just in order to go forward.
BTW, I thought he was talking to me: wanna rumble?
Posted by Dr. Bob on June 30, 2004, at 2:54:48
In reply to Re: More to the point, Dr. Bob, posted by Dinah on June 29, 2004, at 15:33:48
> Peace?
>
> DinahPeace! :-)
--
> > > However, if even given the above you don't feel safe, then maybe it would in fact be better for you not to stay. Which would be a loss for us...
>
> It seems to me that Dr. Bob doesn't care if I stay or go and that is a repetition of some very painful times in my life. It is an ongoing theme in my therapy that I feel like I am easy to forget and not important in people's lives.
>
> lucy stoneI'd prefer for you to stay. But if you don't feel safe, then is that better for you? What's important is what's better for you...
> I was trying to encourage Dr. Bob to change his standard wording.
>
> DinahI'm open to suggestions...
Bob
Posted by Dinah on June 30, 2004, at 5:10:43
In reply to Re: More to the point, posted by Dr. Bob on June 30, 2004, at 2:54:48
>
> > I was trying to encourage Dr. Bob to change his standard wording.
> >
> > Dinah
>
> I'm open to suggestions...
>
> BobUmmmmmmm.... my suggestion was in a post a couple of posts above. The one entitled "Suggested rewording". The one where I explained the reason I thought the change would be desirable was the first one calld "A suggestion". In between (and after) the two are people's descriptions of how they percieve the now standard wording. Here's a link to the post called "Suggested rewording".
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20040527/msgs/360912.html
If you mean that you don't like that rewording suggestion, perhaps if you told me what you didn't like about it, we could all put our heads together and make alterations. This is a talented group of supportive people here Dr. Bob.
> > Peace?
> >
> > Dinah
>
> Peace! :-):) I'm glad.
Posted by terrics on June 30, 2004, at 11:25:00
In reply to Re: More to the point » Dr. Bob, posted by Dinah on June 30, 2004, at 5:10:43
I feel sad this is happening. I don't think people should leave the board. There are a number of posters who give really good input and only mean well. If I felt that I was being attacked there would be no way I would open their posts. Why would I want to?...It would only make me feel bad. I hope the people who feel they are being attacked would think about this. Most of us get along well. Why are we giving so much attention to people we feel are disruptive? I have no idea if I have said anything wrong here, but forgive me if I have. terrics
Posted by Dr. Bob on June 30, 2004, at 22:06:34
In reply to Re: More to the point » Dr. Bob, posted by Dinah on June 30, 2004, at 5:10:43
> Here's a link to the post called "Suggested rewording".
>
> http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20040527/msgs/360912.htmlVery nice, thanks! I must have spaced out before? I hope it's a while before I need to use it, though...
Bob
Posted by Dinah on July 1, 2004, at 8:13:22
In reply to Re: More to the point, posted by Dr. Bob on June 30, 2004, at 2:54:48
> I'd prefer for you to stay. But if you don't feel safe, then is that better for you? What's important is what's better for you...
>I wasn't sure if you noticed this message to you in the middle of Dr. Bob's post. And in case you aren't familiar with Dr. Bob's style, that's a Dr. Bob attempt at reparation. And from Dr. Bob's standards, a fairly good one, I'm afraid. :)
I hope you find it in your heart to see past Dr. Bob's minimalist style to the fact that you are very valuable to the board and to the people who've gotten to know you through your posts, and will one day (soon I hope) feel comfortable at again sharing your wisdom with Psycho-Babble Psychology (and Social and anywhere else you'd like to post).
And you might want to check out the latest threads on Psychological. Now that we know the limits of protection that Dr. Bob is willing to provide, we're rallying around each other to protect each other (within civility borders of course Dr. Bob).
And because I don't want anyone to feel without support when they need it, let me also let you know that Dr. Grohol's Depression Central has become a source of support for some posters that no longer feel comfortable here.
But I do hope you decide you can remain here.
Very sincerely,
Dinah
This is the end of the thread.
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