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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 21 of 21. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Chris A. on March 21, 2001, at 11:23:59
When I post it seems as if anyone rarely replies. Is there some phenomena that causes some of us to be shunned? It's hard for me to post at all. Right now it is because the Geodon makes me shake so badly that I can hardly hit the keys. Guess the non-popular people in real life are not accepted in cyberspace either. I have tried to be supportive, but guess I am missing the boat. For those who are offended when anyone mentions disdain for God and prayer I feel offended because obviously that is all that is left. Meds let you down, people let you down and docs are out of town. I thought this board was meant for support as well as education.
Chris A.
Posted by JahL on March 21, 2001, at 15:18:21
In reply to Are some of us invisible?, posted by Chris A. on March 21, 2001, at 11:23:59
> > When I post it seems as if anyone rarely replies. Is there some phenomena that causes some of us to be shunned? It's hard for me to post at all. Right now it is because the Geodon makes me shake so badly that I can hardly hit the keys. Guess the non-popular people in real life are not accepted in cyberspace either. I have tried to be supportive, but guess I am missing the boat.
I wouldn't let it get you down. Most of my posts don't receive a direct answer but I think that's just the nature of a large, increasingly less intimate board. I don't think it's personal; I had considered you to be a fairly 'significant' poster, fwiw.
> >For those who are offended when anyone mentions disdain for God and prayer I feel offended because obviously that is all that is left.
Perhaps this is aimed towards me, amongst others. 'Obviously' I would take issue with yr use of the word 'obviously'. In what way is it obvious?
Why are you offended by an *equally valid*, if opposing, point of view? Again, it's nothing personal. Even if yr faith is absolute you must surely understand why others find it difficult to share in yr beliefs.
> >Meds let you down, people let you down and docs are out of town. I thought this board was meant for support as well as education.
>
> Chris A.It is. Keep up the support.
J.
Posted by pat123 on March 21, 2001, at 19:47:32
In reply to Re: Are some of us invisible?, posted by JahL on March 21, 2001, at 15:18:21
> > > When I post it seems as if anyone rarely replies. Is there some phenomena that causes some of us to be shunned? It's hard for me to post at all. Right now it is because the Geodon makes me shake so badly that I can hardly hit the keys. Guess the non-popular people in real life are not accepted in cyberspace either. I have tried to be supportive, but guess I am missing the boat.
i really think this is your perception (non-popular vs popular). Also keep in mind that the "popular" have learned what behaviors help them acheive this goal and the "unpopular" can learn these skills, too. Also sometimes being part of a group is not desirable.If you get no feedback on your posts it is your choice to take this in a negative context. You are just assuming, because you have no responses.
Another possibility is that your post said all that needed to be said and was well thought out. Maybe no one had any more to add. Assuming "no one likes me" is a sure fire way to assure that no one will.Pat
Posted by Lorraine on March 21, 2001, at 22:34:38
In reply to Re: Are some of us invisible?, posted by pat123 on March 21, 2001, at 19:47:32
Chris: I like your posts and read them. I've found no-one responded to me and went thru all the "I'm excluded" nonsense litany that I know pretty well. Then I started posting in active message lists and "wala" "ala kazam", I started getting responses. So that has been my new strategy. I think getting no response is a function of how the list works rather than who the poster is.
Posted by Chris A. on March 21, 2001, at 23:51:56
In reply to Re: Are some of us invisible?, posted by JahL on March 21, 2001, at 15:18:21
> I wouldn't let it get you down.Thanks, J. Taking everything personally is something I'm very good at when not feeling well. It's nice to be good at something:) When I noticed my pDoc had tacked "Socially Avoidant Personality Disorder" onto my BP dx I took him to task, but he won. I try to keep my hyper-sensitivity in check, but it is like trying to keep egg shells under water. Dr. Bob, is this forum appropriate for those of us with SAPD or does it just reinforce the problem?
> Perhaps this is aimed towards me, amongst others.
Sorry, I didn't mean to aim, but guess I did. Would you please forgive me?
>'Obviously'Not a good word choice on my part. What I see as "obvious" is not so for others. We are all unique. God is my lifeline and prayer is how I converse with Him. There is 24 hour access and I often find comfort and relief in my relationship with Him. Comfort can be hard to come by otherwise.
> Why are you offended by an *equally valid*, if opposing, point of view? Again, it's nothing personal. Even if yr faith is absolute you must surely understand why others find it difficult to share in yr beliefs.
Yes, I think I understand. Perhaps I was a bit threatened, feeling that my beliefs were being censored. We may have more in common than one would expect. You are definitely entitled to express your point of view. Hopefully I will grow by attempting not to over-react to others statements. I do accept you as you are.
Thnks for helping me to think this through rationally.Best,
Chris A.
Posted by Chris A. on March 22, 2001, at 0:01:40
In reply to Re: Are some of us invisible?, posted by pat123 on March 21, 2001, at 19:47:32
> i really think this is your perception (non-popular vs popular). Also keep in mind that the "popular" have learned what behaviors help them acheive this goal and the "unpopular" can learn these skills, too. Also sometimes being part of a group is not desirable.Yes perception all important. Mine generally stinks. Learning new behaviors is a tough one for me. My recent neuropsych testing revealed that I didn't learn from my mistakes. Is there any hope? Try harder?
>
> You are just assuming,That's the crux of the matter. Assumption is bad for one's mental health.
I appreciate your helpful observations.Blessings,
Chris A.
Posted by Chris A. on March 22, 2001, at 0:08:53
In reply to Re: Are some of us invisible?, posted by Lorraine on March 21, 2001, at 22:34:38
Thanks for sharing your experience
>Strategy
-Something I'd never thought about before. I have always been deluded into thinking that relationships ought to flow naturally. Again that model might not fit in the cyberspace forum. The idea of "strategy" definitely doesn't fit with my worldview, but I would probably be better off if I did incorporate it.Thanks for responding. I feel like a whimp for whining.
Chris A.
Posted by JahL on March 22, 2001, at 13:14:35
In reply to Re: Are some of us invisible? » JahL, posted by Chris A. on March 21, 2001, at 23:51:56
>
> > I wouldn't let it get you down.
>
> Thanks, J. Taking everything personally is something I'm very good at when not feeling well. It's nice to be good at something:) When I noticed my pDoc had tacked "Socially Avoidant Personality Disorder" onto my BP dx I took him to task, but he won. I try to keep my hyper-sensitivity in check, but it is like trying to keep egg shells under water. Dr. Bob, is this forum appropriate for those of us with SAPD or does it just reinforce the problem?I too am hyper-sensitive, tho' being male & having a lot of natural (if unmalicious) anger, aggression, frustration etc, I perhaps express this differently. The magnitude of my anger towards imagined slights/snubs leaves me unable to respond in a civil manner, so I normally refrain from posting 4 a while (but not always, especially if my twin hates of religion & psychotherapy are involved!).
> > Perhaps this is aimed towards me, amongst others.
>
> Sorry, I didn't mean to aim, but guess I did. Would you please forgive me?What's 2 forgive?
> >'Obviously'
>
> Not a good word choice on my part. What I see as "obvious" is not so for others. We are all unique. God is my lifeline and prayer is how I converse with Him. There is 24 hour access and I often find comfort and relief in my relationship with Him. Comfort can be hard to come by otherwise.If that's what works 4 you then great. I think my point was that whatever the beliefs of an individual, he/she shld maintain core responsibility 4 getting well.
> > Why are you offended by an *equally valid*, if opposing, point of view? Again, it's nothing personal. Even if yr faith is absolute you must surely understand why others find it difficult to share in yr beliefs.
>
> Yes, I think I understand. Perhaps I was a bit threatened, feeling that my beliefs were being censored. We may have more in common than one would expect. You are definitely entitled to express your point of view. Hopefully I will grow by attempting not to over-react to others statements. I do accept you as you are.& vice-versa.
> Thnks for helping me to think this through rationally.
>
> Best,
>
> Chris A.As Pat says, it is all about perception. As you say, yr posts are cheifly supportive in nature & I wonder what sort of response you could hope to illicit other than the 'Thanx!' variety. I guess med-related Qs/comments are more likely to promote active discussion on such a med-orientated board. Not all 'givers' on this board are 'rewarded' equally but such is life!
Hope the Geodon turns round 4 you!
J.
Posted by Noa on March 22, 2001, at 17:33:42
In reply to Are some of us invisible?, posted by Chris A. on March 21, 2001, at 11:23:59
Chris, I can only speak for myself.
For me, this place has gotten really busy (and I have also been busier and spending less time online) and it feels impossible for me to read all the posts, so I generally do a quick scan of topics and respond to a few when I can.
The topic you mention--Godeon--is completely unfamiliar to me, so it is one I didn't read or respond to.
I am sorry you felt hurt by people not responding, and want you to know that it certainly was not personal on my part, and I have a hard time thinking it was a personal thing from anyone, but sorry you experienced it that way.
I also didn't participate in the thread about prayer, etc.
Take care.
Posted by Noa on March 22, 2001, at 17:35:04
In reply to Re: Are some of us invisible? » Chris A., posted by Noa on March 22, 2001, at 17:33:42
I should also mention that have posted messages that no one responds to. I think it happens to all of us sometimes.
Posted by Noa on March 22, 2001, at 17:49:20
In reply to Re: Are some of us invisible? » JahL, posted by Chris A. on March 21, 2001, at 23:51:56
> >is this forum appropriate for those of us with SAPD or does it just reinforce the problem?
I think that is an interesting question. In some ways, this kind of forum is especially good for sensitive and socially avoidant people--it might be easier to take risks this way than in person, but otoh, this way of communicating can lead to misperceptions and feeling slighted, too, because there are no nonverbal cues to read the "climate". Also, because it can be disinhibiting for some people, there really are some times when the climate is hostile.
Still, I think it is an individual choice on the basis of what is good for you right now. If you are getting benefit and aren't feeling harmed, and can do what you did by bringing up your concern here--ie, checking out your automatic perceptions with others-- it can be appropriate. But I also think it is important to monitor how you feel here. I took a break last year because it became uncomfortable for me. It is important to know what your needs are.
I think this place (and other internet support boards) can be a good bridge to eventually taking more risks "out there" as long as you check things out as you go (ie, don't rely on your automatic assumptions alone) and also don't see this as a lifelong *substitute* for in person contact.
Posted by Neal on March 23, 2001, at 1:13:09
In reply to Re: Are some of us invisible?, posted by Noa on March 22, 2001, at 17:49:20
This is an interesting topic:
-Some posters get together and have love-fests to the point where you think maybe they should get a room or something :-)
-Some people post and that's it; never get a reply; just falls right through the cracks.
-Some topics that seem ordinary and not unusual, for some reason will generate dozens of responses and start intense debates.
Hey, nothing's perfect. I want to make it clear about PB; it and its contributors are tops with me; and Chris A., you've been around a long time, almost always read your posts.
Posted by Chris A. on March 24, 2001, at 0:41:32
In reply to Re: Are some of us invisible?, posted by Noa on March 22, 2001, at 17:49:20
Thanks Noa, You are always so thoughtful and insightful. I am pretty sick right now and it is hard for to connect. My line is out on this end.
I'll be back when I get better. Neal, thanks for reading my positings. It nice to know that one isn't being ignored:)Blessings,
Chris A.
> Still, I think it is an individual choice on the basis of what is good for you right now.
Posted by Lorraine on March 24, 2001, at 12:11:47
In reply to Re: Are some of us invisible? Noa, Neal and all » Noa, posted by Chris A. on March 24, 2001, at 0:41:32
Chris: I thought it was pretty brave and "adaptive" of you to bring the whole issue up. This community doesn't function like a "normal cybercommunity" because of the way it is organized. I mean it's by threads--people come and go--and it's difficult to keep track of or develop a relationship with the people on line. But there are other communities that are good for that--perhaps Psycho-Babble Open delivered to your email account? Anyway, I just wanted to point out that some of the way you are feeling is inherent in the way the board is structured. This board is good at addressing some needs that I think other boards do not (the whole med issue) and not good at addressing needs that other boards do (the whole community issue). I would like to be on a community board as well as this one--the problem that I have found is that it is difficult to have open community boards generally that are unmonitored (I'm not talking about Psycho-Babble's because I have little experience with it--I just mean in general) because eventually some "Lu-Lu" joins the boards either for perversion purposes or for attention seeking behavior and things fall apart.
Posted by ShelliR on March 24, 2001, at 22:57:45
In reply to Are some of us invisible?, posted by Chris A. on March 21, 2001, at 11:23:59
Chris, your messages on the geodon thread were really helpful to me, and I also really like the fact that you always acknowledge when someone has written to you. (I've been away all
week, so haven't continued on that thread.)I don't read religious/spiritual threads--I can't connect to them, but don't feel "distain" for your belief system and hope you can respect mine also.
There are some interesting dynamics on the board that I've perceived:
(1) People who help a lot of people on the board, especially medication-wise (e.g., Cam, Scott[SLS], et. al.) always get a lot of responses to their posts. They offer a lot of their time to
help others AND have a lot of expertise so I think people really want to give back to them.(2) As Neil mentioned, sometimes for reasons I also don't understand, a certain thread will attract a lot of responses. One type of such thread is the survey thread. I generally don't get very many reponses to my posts, but when I threw out a question on women therapists I got lots of reponses. The interesting thing to me, is that generally I am the least interested in survey threads! Maybe survey threads are easy for everyone to participate in.
(3) People who write very controversial and/or irritating threads get a lot of responses. I guess because most of us have tried so hard and suffered so much, it is hard to resist just ignoring them.
(4) People who share that they are falling apart on the psychosocial board get lots of reponses. Also in general very emotional posts, I think get more responses on that board. Perhaps most people feel competent offering support when it doesn't involve a med, or something else that they are not greatly informed about. So if you are ever in trouble and need support, I think your best bet is to write something like, "Falling apart, please help." (Actually, I'm being serious, not facetious, and not at all criticizing the people who do that. It is a very direct way of asking for help.)
and finally the most vague to me:
(5) There are some people who become center very quickly and I can't really figure out the dynamic. There is one I can pinpoint:young adults, like college students, get drawn in immediately. Probably because we all want to take care of them and feel maternal/paternal toward them. Now I have also noticed that female college students are
offered e-mail addresses more than male college students!But college students aren't the only ones, just one I've understood the pattern.
Anyway, just an arm chair analysis. When I used to feel bad when I didn't get any responses, I comforted myself by the fact that no one on the board knows me anyway, so I haven't
lost anything. So it's not like I've lost a "real" (as in uncybernet) friend. And I can always take my marbles and play elsewhere if no one is paying any attention to me!Hang in there, and feel better,
Shelli
Posted by Dr. Bob on March 25, 2001, at 1:02:29
In reply to Re: Are some of us invisible? Chris et al, posted by Lorraine on March 24, 2001, at 12:11:47
> This board is ... not good at addressing needs that other boards do (the whole community issue). I would like to be on a community board as well as this one
I was kind of hoping that's how PSB would evolve...
Bob
Posted by Neal on March 26, 2001, at 21:11:18
In reply to Re: Are some of us invisible? Noa, Neal and all » Noa, posted by Chris A. on March 24, 2001, at 0:41:32
> I'll be back when I get better.Hope that's soon. I'm rootin' for ya . . .
Posted by Rach on March 31, 2001, at 5:50:48
In reply to Are some of us invisible?, posted by Chris A. on March 21, 2001, at 11:23:59
I know I post sporadically at best.
But I read a lot of the posts. However, often I do not reply to people. There are several reasons.
1. I am not feeling up to posting at all
2. I feel I will do a person no good & even harm them by posting
3. I have nothing to say
4. I don't want to say the wrong thing to a person I am not acquainted with2 & 4 are the most likely factors that will lead me to contribute posts towards people I know, and to "ignore" the people I don't know. It isn't that there is a popularity contest occurring, it's just that I know the boundaries with certain ppl - I know what i can say, and what I can't say, and I know that they won't judge me.
I truly don't mean to ignore ppl.
I apologise if I have done this to anyone. I'm sure a lot of other posters feel the same way I do. Sometimes it is just too difficult to post because there are too many factors standing in my way.
I hope to see you back on the board soon.
Best wishes to you,
Rachael
Posted by Cindylou on April 7, 2001, at 21:58:07
In reply to Dear Chris, posted by Rach on March 31, 2001, at 5:50:48
Hi Chris,
I am very new to this board -- in fact, I'm new to this whole cyber-chat type thing! So, I really wasn't sure if I was SUPPOSED to respond to people's postings to me ... I was glad to read your message, because it confirmed that it's okay to say "thanks," even it that's all you have to say.This is my first visit to the adminstration board; I have been using the med board since that's where my current issues are.
I will look for your posts. Sounds like we have the same "belief system." Always nice to find a new brother.
Hope to see you back soon,
cindy> I know I post sporadically at best.
>
> But I read a lot of the posts. However, often I do not reply to people. There are several reasons.
>
> 1. I am not feeling up to posting at all
> 2. I feel I will do a person no good & even harm them by posting
> 3. I have nothing to say
> 4. I don't want to say the wrong thing to a person I am not acquainted with
>
> 2 & 4 are the most likely factors that will lead me to contribute posts towards people I know, and to "ignore" the people I don't know. It isn't that there is a popularity contest occurring, it's just that I know the boundaries with certain ppl - I know what i can say, and what I can't say, and I know that they won't judge me.
>
> I truly don't mean to ignore ppl.
>
> I apologise if I have done this to anyone. I'm sure a lot of other posters feel the same way I do. Sometimes it is just too difficult to post because there are too many factors standing in my way.
>
> I hope to see you back on the board soon.
>
> Best wishes to you,
> Rachael
Posted by Chris A. on April 17, 2001, at 13:09:28
In reply to Re: Are some of us invisible? Noa, Neal and all » Noa, posted by Chris A. on March 24, 2001, at 0:41:32
I appreciate the feedback and the effort you have all put forth to address this issue.
Dr. Bob, you have worked hard to make this community welcoming and safe, which I appreciate. For many of us with mental illness our state of mind dictates our ability to participate. My moods, cognition difficulties, social avoidance issues and those blips of paranoia limit my contribution even though I don't want that to be the case. I find myself comparing myself with those great people out there, which is not good because I can't be like them. At least I know I'm not alone in this.Thanks again for all of your effort and support.
Blessings,
Chris A.
Posted by Shawn. T. on July 14, 2002, at 4:53:13
In reply to Re: Are some of us invisible?, posted by pat123 on March 21, 2001, at 19:47:32
I'll deal with all of the questions sooner or later. I am by no means afraid, and I just don't have time to answer all of the questions. I have been losing sleep over this. I am grateful to everyone.
Shawn
This is the end of the thread.
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