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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by mmcconathy on March 6, 2005, at 13:39:41
My doctor but me back on adderall 40mg again, it helped, i was on trazadone, klonopin .5mg (4 X daily).
I held the bottle of Nembutal which was old, and stared, i wanted to but i kept pulling back, i realized what i am actally about to do. I put it back nice where i should be. But i still feel horrible.
Adderall doesnt seem to boost as it used to, and i have a very good hunch dopamine receptors where damaged, im not going to raise the dose no longer becusae it will do no good, by nuerons will level out with the dose and it will lose its effect.
What do i do? my receptors turned off? are they destroyed? are they broken? i feel bad that i did this, god i get my self in so much sh*t.
Even now, i took i've taken it and still i feel "dysphoria", what happned, what did i do? Do i have any dopamine left? i took d/l phenyalaline which supplies dopamine but it made me lightheaded and IRRTIBLE!
Please tell me what i should do
Posted by Spriggy on March 6, 2005, at 14:49:49
In reply to ok, im back on adderall/ i need someone to talk to, posted by mmcconathy on March 6, 2005, at 13:39:41
Have they ever considered putting in you the hospital for a week to get you completely stabilized?
sometimes that is the best option when one is at their wit's end.I'm glad you're okay and didn't harm yourself.
Eventually, things will get figured out and you will have hope again. I know that right now, it seems hopeless but some how, some way, something will work for you.
((hugs))
Posted by ed_uk on March 6, 2005, at 15:36:13
In reply to ok, im back on adderall/ i need someone to talk to, posted by mmcconathy on March 6, 2005, at 13:39:41
Hi Matt!
Did you ever babblemail Buckeye Fan, I think you said you were friends?
>Adderall doesnt seem to boost as it used to, and i have a very good hunch dopamine receptors where damaged, im not going to raise the dose no longer becusae it will do no good, by nuerons will level out with the dose and it will lose its effect.
People often develop tolerance to Adderall, it doesn't mean that your receptors are damaged though. New receptors are constantly being manufactured by the body, you might not even have any of the same dopamine receptors that you had when you were last taking Adderall!
>What do i do?
You could always try Concerta instead of Adderall. I can see you're very worried about neurotoxicity. There isn't any eveidence that methylphenidate causes neurotoxicity. Having said that, there isn't any evidence that therapeutic doses of Adderall cause neurotoxicity either. The evidence of damage comes only from animals who were fed massive doses of amphetamines.
Is the trazodone helping you sleep?
All the best,
Ed.PS. I'm glad you're safe. It's nice to see you again.
Posted by Phillipa on March 6, 2005, at 17:39:11
In reply to Re: ok, im back on adderall/ i need someone to talk to, posted by ed_uk on March 6, 2005, at 15:36:13
Yes Matt, I'm glad you're back. Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by Maxime on March 6, 2005, at 21:52:55
In reply to ok, im back on adderall/ i need someone to talk to, posted by mmcconathy on March 6, 2005, at 13:39:41
Matt, people offer their advice but you don't take it. So many people have told you to go into the hospital and get your meds sorted out and any substance abuse problems you may have taken care of as well. But you don't listen. Why? You keep asking for advice and then you don't listen so why should we keep giving you advice ... it's not going to change. In fact, I am going to save this post and simply copy and paste it every time you want advice.
And no, I do not dislike you (oh sh*t,was that a double negative?). Quite the opposite. I want you to get help because I care about you. We all do!
There is no shame in seeking help and going inpatient. If you do it now you won't get in any deeper than you are now. You can get better, feel better and move on. It won't be that easy but you can't do this on your own and you should be in a hospital.
Unless there are things you have taken that you have not told us on this forum, I highly doubt you have damaged anything in your brain. So stop worrying about that for now. You are bit of a hypochondriac at times. Do you realise that? (I guess that is like asking someone who is denial if they know they are in denial).
What are you biggest fears about going inpatient. Write them down. Tell us what they are. I bet we can address each and every one of those fears for you. Do you know how many times I have been inpatient? At least 10 times. Closer to 15 actually and that has only been in the last 8 years or so. But I have anorexia plus the bipolar disorder so that is why the number is on the high side (since I am only 36).
If I had received help early then I know I wouldn't be in the hell hole I am in now. So do it now!
Okay, I am waiting for any and all reasons you can think of for NOT going inpatient .... and I charge by the hour! So get to it!
Maxime
> My doctor but me back on adderall 40mg again, it helped, i was on trazadone, klonopin .5mg (4 X daily).
>
> I held the bottle of Nembutal which was old, and stared, i wanted to but i kept pulling back, i realized what i am actally about to do. I put it back nice where i should be. But i still feel horrible.
>
> Adderall doesnt seem to boost as it used to, and i have a very good hunch dopamine receptors where damaged, im not going to raise the dose no longer becusae it will do no good, by nuerons will level out with the dose and it will lose its effect.
>
> What do i do? my receptors turned off? are they destroyed? are they broken? i feel bad that i did this, god i get my self in so much sh*t.
>
> Even now, i took i've taken it and still i feel "dysphoria", what happned, what did i do? Do i have any dopamine left? i took d/l phenyalaline which supplies dopamine but it made me lightheaded and IRRTIBLE!
>
> Please tell me what i should do
Posted by mmcconathy on March 9, 2005, at 21:47:55
In reply to Re: ok, im back on adderall/ i need someone to tal, posted by Maxime on March 6, 2005, at 21:52:55
Maxime, i sturugle with trying to keeping to it together, i feel at times i am so withdrawln that i have lost my self of identity, everything, mentally deteriating.
I dont know hwat i am, who am i, where i go. I put up euphoric posts, but after they are over, like now, i dont feel anything, i dont feel as i exist. I hate being a teenager going throught problems i dont know what the hell they are, i know i am socially maladjusted. I dont want to go to it. These are primitive problems to you since your 36, well according to your posts.
Where i am i? i hate who i am, this is the flat truth, i always comedown to this point of realization how abnormal i am.
I want to get away, with something, i confess i look for something that will make this misery go away for just a while, anything. I have already abused the hell out of amphetmaines, they are out. I need i point of realization to myself, get out of this barren, i have never had fit in, i dont appear like it.
I am really going down right now....
I do listen to advice, its pressures that stop me from getting help, my mom is broderline, she has rages, raging coming home how horrible her day was, screams about her problems with bills.
I dont know what else to put im not with reality right now, i just want to be normal, stable social life, stableness. Why is this chaos clinged to me.
Im sorry, dont mind this, life has many views that can be perciefed, i want to get out of this, and get a grip.
Misery
M
Posted by Maxime on March 10, 2005, at 22:25:58
In reply to Re: ok, im back on adderall/ i need someone to tal, posted by mmcconathy on March 9, 2005, at 21:47:55
Matt, you have a lot of things working AGAINST you. First of all your age. You are that age where you have no identity, or rather you feel as though you don't. Secondly, your parents ... I will leave it at that.
But there are things you can do to help yourself. You could find a social worker and see about getting out your living situation. You could go IP for a bit after your exams and give your body and brain a rest. No one can do anything to help you ... you have to help yourself. You have push and push to get results. Focus on getting better then everything else will fall into place in due course.
You need to stop focusing on brain scans etc. There is nothing wrong with your brain. Nothing is going to show up that says "oops, Matt needs dopamine here". You need to be properly evaluated. Is there someone at your school that can help? Where are you with school? Are you in college yet? I don't know what age you finish high school in the U.S. Where I live we only go to Grade 11. In other parts of Canada you go to Grade 12 and sometimes 13. Is there a counsellor you can see.
You make a lot of references to God. Is there some clergy person you can talk to?
Now this sounds mean, but I don't know how else to phrase it ... do you have friends? Someone close that you can trust? I have no one right now and I am 36. My friends have left me. They couldn't put up with my moods and they eventually abandoned me one by one. Now I trust NO ONE. I don't want to make any friend in real life
So there you have it. You are up and down and you need to be stablised. You haven't destroyed anything in your brain. You need a FULL psychological assessment and this should be done while you are IP. Are you covered by you parent insurance right now?
So start being your own advocate. No one is going to save you so you have to save yourself. And you just have to do it because you have no choice. You just do it. So to sum it up:
1- Find a social worker who can help you get out of your house.
2- Go IP and screw whatever your parents think or say.
3. Talk to a clergy person if that will help.
4. Go IP.
5. Go IP.
6. Fight like you have never fought before
7. Be your own advocate if you can
8. Talk to a real life friend.
9. Go IP
10. Remember to PLAY every day.
Maxime
Posted by Phillipa on March 10, 2005, at 23:39:12
In reply to Re: ok, im back on adderall/ i need someone to tal » mmcconathy, posted by Maxime on March 10, 2005, at 22:25:58
Hi Maxime. You sound stronger tonight. Hope you are doing well----or at least better. Fondly, Phillipa
This is the end of the thread.
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