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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by hopeful74 on June 23, 2004, at 20:06:05
Hi.
I've been on 60mg of aderall for adhd and 300 mg of effexor for two years now. In that time my life has never been worse - I have always been a bright, competent and relatively happy person with a really good sense of self. So, what happened?
I was adopted 28 years ago after my birth mother left me to die of exposure when I was a baby- it's sad, she felt like she had no other way out -and having spent many years with an unbelievably wonderful family and a supportive mom whom I actually finally felt through and through was my mom - that mom got cancer. So, a normally depressing situation that led to me losing my job and generally feeling lost.
In any case, I was on this stuff (prescrips) for so long i felt like I didn't know who I was - my husband (we have only been married 3 years) said I felt like a ghost in the house to him. I didn't deal with the situational problems which led to the depression because instead I just started tinkering with my brain chemistry - the nuts and bolts of which had made me feel depression not because I was generally chemically imbalanced but because there was an issue that had presented itself in my life. I started suffering from a major social anxiety disorder (which had never, ever been a problem) and felt totally dependent on the adderall in order to get myself to feel at all productive.
ANYWAY! The good news is that things are getting better. My husband is supportive in my desire to get away from these drugs. The first thing is the adderall which my shrink said has no withdrawl side effects. What!? I feel so blah and worn down all the time now, it's been about 10 days. Although I feel great about the social anxiety seeming to disappear and my sex drive has made a guest appearance - I am feeling lonlier than ever. Am I expecting too much? My husband who is wonderful says that I don't need to have my "A game" everyday - that he is proud of me for doing things like go to the movies with him (which we had not done in about a year.) But still I feel guilty and disapointed somehow and mostly, alone. I have never posted anything on any site and to spill the guts to whomever seems foreign but I really think i need some help. Anyone who is reading this, thanks for staying with it this far. Just knowing someone may be reading this helps a bit. Everyone take care and be gentle with yourselves,H
Posted by captain on June 23, 2004, at 20:23:14
In reply to can someone lend an ear?, posted by hopeful74 on June 23, 2004, at 20:06:05
Hi Hopeful,
I just wanted to write you back to let you know that I read your post. I am a 28 year old female, and although I don't have the same issues that you have, I figured I could still chime in my 2 cents.
I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason. Your birth mother obviously wasn't going to be a fit parent and you were SOOOO lucky to have found a wonderful family. That family is where you were supposed to be.
It sounds like your husband is very supportive and that will be a major help in getting better. I am not an overly religious person, but my boyfriend grew up in a religious household. I can tell you that since he has introduced it to me, I have felt a better sense of self, belonging, and just NON lonliness than ever. It took a while for me to feel comfortable with something I was never sure existed, but I can honestly say that I have a sense of peace I didn't know I could have. I am sure you have seen the book the Purpose Driven Life - it was a great beginning for me.
Also- one more thing - maybe you need a girls night! :) If you have some close friends nearby, or even if not, invite them into town. Have a night of girlyness - can do the soul wonders.
Wishing you all the best!
Captain
Posted by hopeful74 on June 24, 2004, at 1:24:56
In reply to Re: can someone lend an ear?, posted by captain on June 23, 2004, at 20:23:14
Captain,
thanks so much for your kind and encouraging words. This is the first time I have asked for help and your message made me feel good about that decision.
Take care,
H
Posted by LynneDa on June 24, 2004, at 14:34:36
In reply to Re: can someone lend an ear?, posted by hopeful74 on June 24, 2004, at 1:24:56
Hi Hopeful - It sounds like you are on the right track with trying to reduce meds and take control of your problems. Just remember, you didn't get to that point overnight, so you can't fix it overnight either :-). I'm glad your husband is so supportive, that is enormously gratifying and will go a long way toward your recovery. Good luck to you! You are definitely not alone, there are so many wonderful people on this site. Take care of yourself and Captain is right, maybe a girls night is in order!
~ Lynne>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Captain,
>
> thanks so much for your kind and encouraging words. This is the first time I have asked for help and your message made me feel good about that decision.
>
> Take care,
> H
Posted by captain on June 25, 2004, at 15:11:50
In reply to Re: can someone lend an ear? » hopeful74, posted by LynneDa on June 24, 2004, at 14:34:36
Hi Hopeful,
I was just thinking about you and wondering how you are doing today. When you say that you feel "lonely" even when you have your husband around, does that feeling seem similar to being homesick kind of? I get that feeling off and on and was wondering if that is how you feel?
I attribute it to a few things. One - I usually need a girls night out! I need interaction with OTHER people! It is so healthy. And two - I just think we can get bored sometimes! Do you have any fun plans in the near future? If not - make some! I think it helps to have something to look forward to.
Anyway, I hope you are feeling better today.
Captain
Posted by hopeful74 on June 27, 2004, at 22:40:54
In reply to Re: can someone lend an ear? - hopeful, posted by captain on June 25, 2004, at 15:11:50
Hi!
Thanks so much for the message.
I think you are right about the girls night out. I think that might be part of the problem - I moved back to the midwest to marry my husband and to be close to both of our families. However I hadn't been back since I left for college and had moved to New York for a few years after that. Coming back home meant coming back to lots of great memories and my family, but all my friends had moved on or I had lost touch. I have built on some of the more casual friendships I had with people who still live in the area but sometimes it feels like those relationships are empty....Good news is that my husband and I went out to some gardening shops (I'm a crazy avid gardener) today and it was beautiful weather - we bought some homegrown peaches on a side road stand and walked a wildflower hiking trail. You were right about having some fun - although pretty tame! - it renewed me. I hope you had a wonderful weekend. Thanks again for your kind words - your message made me smile.
Take care,
H
Posted by hopeful74 on June 27, 2004, at 22:46:24
In reply to Re: can someone lend an ear? » hopeful74, posted by LynneDa on June 24, 2004, at 14:34:36
Lynne -
thanks for the encouraging words! I know you're right - things do not happen overnight but I sometimes get so impatient to somehow make up for all the time I feel like I've lost - all the time I was sort of "zoned out" and not really myself. That time is gone, I know, but I am anxious none the less - I don't want to waste any more of my life....there is too much good stuff to get in on!My husband and I had a great day today and it really renewed my spirits - that and the supportive messages have helped me a lot since I posted. I am so glad I did.
take care,
H
Posted by captain on July 1, 2004, at 10:45:49
In reply to captain - you were right about the fun needed!, posted by hopeful74 on June 27, 2004, at 22:40:54
Hopeful - i am so happy to hear that! It is harder to make close friendships after you get older I have found. I plan "girls vacations" as often as I can, usually once every 3-4 months - and it DOES renew me! I am so glad to hear things are going better!
I am envious of your interest in gardening. I have tried and i just cannot get into it! Thanks for writing back!
Captain
This is the end of the thread.
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