Posted by hopeful74 on June 23, 2004, at 20:06:05
Hi.
I've been on 60mg of aderall for adhd and 300 mg of effexor for two years now. In that time my life has never been worse - I have always been a bright, competent and relatively happy person with a really good sense of self. So, what happened?
I was adopted 28 years ago after my birth mother left me to die of exposure when I was a baby- it's sad, she felt like she had no other way out -and having spent many years with an unbelievably wonderful family and a supportive mom whom I actually finally felt through and through was my mom - that mom got cancer. So, a normally depressing situation that led to me losing my job and generally feeling lost.
In any case, I was on this stuff (prescrips) for so long i felt like I didn't know who I was - my husband (we have only been married 3 years) said I felt like a ghost in the house to him. I didn't deal with the situational problems which led to the depression because instead I just started tinkering with my brain chemistry - the nuts and bolts of which had made me feel depression not because I was generally chemically imbalanced but because there was an issue that had presented itself in my life. I started suffering from a major social anxiety disorder (which had never, ever been a problem) and felt totally dependent on the adderall in order to get myself to feel at all productive.
ANYWAY! The good news is that things are getting better. My husband is supportive in my desire to get away from these drugs. The first thing is the adderall which my shrink said has no withdrawl side effects. What!? I feel so blah and worn down all the time now, it's been about 10 days. Although I feel great about the social anxiety seeming to disappear and my sex drive has made a guest appearance - I am feeling lonlier than ever. Am I expecting too much? My husband who is wonderful says that I don't need to have my "A game" everyday - that he is proud of me for doing things like go to the movies with him (which we had not done in about a year.) But still I feel guilty and disapointed somehow and mostly, alone. I have never posted anything on any site and to spill the guts to whomever seems foreign but I really think i need some help. Anyone who is reading this, thanks for staying with it this far. Just knowing someone may be reading this helps a bit. Everyone take care and be gentle with yourselves,H
poster:hopeful74
thread:359583
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040621/msgs/359583.html