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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by E1027 on July 23, 2002, at 10:14:10
I’m a first-time poster-- just discovered this super resource. My impression is that there are a number of articulate, informed, and experienced people here. I’d like to get some feedback from a few of you on what’s reasonable to expect through medical treatment.
For example: I am in the midst of the long and bleak business of trying to determine the proper cocktail of drugs to manage a bipolar disorder diagnosed two years ago after years of misdiagnoses. My impression from my psychopharmacologist is that some degree of suffering is good for the soul and that I ask too much if I expect to be able to maintain an energetic, creative stasis. By the textbook definition, I suppose the state that I’d most like to maintain is some sort of mild hypomania. I make my living by creating / inventing on command. When I am medicated to therapeutic levels, i.e. I don’t display symptoms, I simply cannot make anything. I presently find myself having to risk a manic episode by titrating my meds down in order to meet a deadline. That leaves me shaking, filled with rage, and hopelessly overstimulated; but finally creatively productive... It’s a terrible and exhausting cycle, though admittedly better than being unmedicated (read: dead)... I simply don’t trust my own judgment any longer. Am I hoping for too much from medication and therapy? What are reasonable goals for wellness?
It would be nice to keep the discussion broad enough to be pertinent to a number of people, so though I used myself as an example, don’t feel compelled to respond too specifically.
Thanks.
Posted by velaguff on July 23, 2002, at 11:46:49
In reply to An attainable state of wellness, posted by E1027 on July 23, 2002, at 10:14:10
Hello, E1027, this is Velaguff. I'm also new here. I wish I could advise you on your bipolarity, but I'm a "uni". Just down, down. I try to understand different points of view, but, after being depressed for a quarter-century, this idea of your doc's that suffering is good for the soul is getting on my nerves. Jeez, should doctors envy their patients? "You've got a really fine soul, Velaguff. You've been burnishing it for twenty-five years with the sacred elbow grease of depression". PU-LEAZZEEE spare me! Happiness is good for the soul, too. Get it any way you can. Don't take "NO" for an answer. There are very powerful forces in the world today that have a vested interest in the notion that happiness is something that one purchases with money. If one gets happiness from a pill, they might not care so much about buying that shiny new car, or a bigger TV, or a larger house. I think humanity should assert happiness as a right, not a privelege. We don't have the technological ability to achieve this right now, but we will, soon. We have enough Sturm and Drang artistic creations banked away. We don't need any more. Happiness inspires art, too!
Posted by tabitha on July 24, 2002, at 2:03:33
In reply to An attainable state of wellness, posted by E1027 on July 23, 2002, at 10:14:10
Hi,
I don't have a scientific basis for this, but I just don't think "mild hypomania" is sustainable. What goes up must come down, after the high, the inevitable crash, etc.
I'm also bipolar. Personally I don't like the feeling of hypomania, because at some level I know it isn't real, and that what seems so smart to do or say now will just be embarassing later. Then again, my personality is shy and reserved, so maybe it just feels unnatural to me.
My personal goal for treatment is just to take the edges off, so that the depression isn't so bad that I can't function or get suicidal, and the hypomania isn't so bad that I feel out of control and do things with bad consequences.
I wonder if your job is healthy for you, if you have to be high in order to meet expectations?
Posted by E1027 on July 24, 2002, at 5:20:29
In reply to Re: An attainable state of wellness, posted by tabitha on July 24, 2002, at 2:03:33
Then you don’t feel that you can really expect more than a blunting of the symptoms? I suppose that’s perfectly reasonable given that everything we know about psychopharmaceuticals is along the line of an educated guess... I feel like a child for asking that question and wanting another answer.
I think part of my problem may be that I’m not sure who I am, symptom free. Since childhood I assumed I had a problem with periodic black depressions and that the flip side was a sort of blissful payoff during with I would create madly. As I get older, the states have become more blurred and never blissful. It was only then that it occurred to me that there might be something else wrong (well, aside from a couple of truly manic episodes that I promptly dismissed because considering them made me think I might be crazy). I’ve always assumed that I was myself when I was overstimulated, reading, thinking, cooking, listening to the news-- all at the same time, hands shaking, making things...
You’re right about it not being healthy to need to be high... Though the job itself is sort of incidental. I’m an architect, because I can’t not make things whether or not anyone pays me so I might as well do it for a living too.
> I don't have a scientific basis for this, but I just don't think "mild hypomania" is sustainable. What goes up must come down, after the high, the inevitable crash, etc.
>
> I'm also bipolar. Personally I don't like the feeling of hypomania, because at some level I know it isn't real, and that what seems so smart to do or say now will just be embarassing later. Then again, my personality is shy and reserved, so maybe it just feels unnatural to me.
>
> My personal goal for treatment is just to take the edges off, so that the depression isn't so bad that I can't function or get suicidal, and the hypomania isn't so bad that I feel out of control and do things with bad consequences.
>
> I wonder if your job is healthy for you, if you have to be high in order to meet expectations?
Posted by tabitha on July 25, 2002, at 0:04:40
In reply to Re: An attainable state of wellness, posted by E1027 on July 24, 2002, at 5:20:29
> Then you don’t feel that you can really expect more than a blunting of the symptoms?
Well, after much experimentation, I've found I prefer to still cycle a bit. If I get the dosages to the point where my mood is really level, I'm fighting side effects and I don't really feel like myself. It's a tricky balance to find.
Posted by E1027 on July 25, 2002, at 8:25:16
In reply to Re: An attainable state of wellness, posted by tabitha on July 25, 2002, at 0:04:40
> If I get the dosages to the point where my mood is really level, I'm fighting side effects and I don't really feel like myself.That makes a lot of sense... Thanks.
This is the end of the thread.
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