Posted by E1027 on July 24, 2002, at 5:20:29
In reply to Re: An attainable state of wellness, posted by tabitha on July 24, 2002, at 2:03:33
Then you don’t feel that you can really expect more than a blunting of the symptoms? I suppose that’s perfectly reasonable given that everything we know about psychopharmaceuticals is along the line of an educated guess... I feel like a child for asking that question and wanting another answer.
I think part of my problem may be that I’m not sure who I am, symptom free. Since childhood I assumed I had a problem with periodic black depressions and that the flip side was a sort of blissful payoff during with I would create madly. As I get older, the states have become more blurred and never blissful. It was only then that it occurred to me that there might be something else wrong (well, aside from a couple of truly manic episodes that I promptly dismissed because considering them made me think I might be crazy). I’ve always assumed that I was myself when I was overstimulated, reading, thinking, cooking, listening to the news-- all at the same time, hands shaking, making things...
You’re right about it not being healthy to need to be high... Though the job itself is sort of incidental. I’m an architect, because I can’t not make things whether or not anyone pays me so I might as well do it for a living too.
> I don't have a scientific basis for this, but I just don't think "mild hypomania" is sustainable. What goes up must come down, after the high, the inevitable crash, etc.
>
> I'm also bipolar. Personally I don't like the feeling of hypomania, because at some level I know it isn't real, and that what seems so smart to do or say now will just be embarassing later. Then again, my personality is shy and reserved, so maybe it just feels unnatural to me.
>
> My personal goal for treatment is just to take the edges off, so that the depression isn't so bad that I can't function or get suicidal, and the hypomania isn't so bad that I feel out of control and do things with bad consequences.
>
> I wonder if your job is healthy for you, if you have to be high in order to meet expectations?
poster:E1027
thread:113407
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20020718/msgs/113513.html