![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1841 to 1865 of 10407. Go back in thread:
Posted by Angel Girl on March 16, 2002, at 12:04:43
In reply to Re: ANGEL GIRL, WE ARE HERE FOR YOU!!!!, posted by Reneeb on March 16, 2002, at 11:03:30
> Hi Angel Girl, I am so glad to hear from you!! I'm sorry things are so tough for you right now ,but as you can see there are many people here that want to help you. Please keep posting and letting us know how you are feeling. Can I ask you where you live? Maybe one of us is close by and could help.
>
> Take Care,
>
> ReneeHi Renee
I live in Toronto, Canada. I'm glad more than ever after last night that I found this forum Thank you Dr. Bob for giving us a place to help each other. I personally don't know what I would do right now without somewhere I can go where people understand me. I find the lack of understanding very frustrating. Last night I had an extremely rough night. I posted a message here, or at least I thought I had, in extreme anger. Not anger about here or anybody here but expressing my anger towards my life that continues to sprial downwards. When I think there is nothing else that could possibly go wrong, the bottom is kicked out from under me once again. Last night I found out that two of my dear and closest friends have decided to abandon me due to my severe depression. They no longer feel capable of dealing with my extremely low moods and although it is completely devastating to me, I can't really blame them. I don't like being with me either but I don't have any choice. :( I don't make it very easy on everbody. I feel like this is not me, somebody else has taken over my body and my mind. Where did "I" go???? I want "me" back. I'm tired of this new person. I haven't seen the real me since last July. I'm so incredibly sad and I'm crying. I want this all to stop. I'm so sick of this ride. I don't even know how this happened to me when I wasn't looking. And now I have this new mood of anger. This is sooooo not me. I've never been like this before. I HATE this. Why doesn't this dosage of Effexor XR work like it did when I was on it before????? I'm sooooo discouraged. I think about suicide every single day, not to the point of actually wanting to do it, but it is always there like a constant companion. I almost lost my dearest friend last night when I took my frustration out on her but thank God she knows it's not me but my illness. She understands me because her husband has been suffering for 8 years, although he is much better than he was years ago. She is my gift from God. Why can't everybody see that all I need is LOVE????? Why is that so hard for them to understand???? I've told them a million times. But I don't feel it. Maybe I don't even know what love is anymore. :(
Angel Girl
Posted by Angel Girl on March 16, 2002, at 14:01:05
In reply to Anyone had success on Effexor XR? , posted by jp on October 24, 1999, at 14:59:14
If I haven't already said it, I want to now. I'm very sorry for worrying y'all and I'm so shocked to see so many replies to my post. I want to thank y'all for your concern and help. I think I really need this place. I'm not sure my posts are helping anybody else but at least I feel wanted somewhere and have found people who actually do care about me. So, from the bottom of my heart THANK YOU!!!!
And a special thank you to Dr. Bob for giving us this forum so that we all can know that we don't have to go through this alone.
THANKS Y'ALL!!!
Angel Girl
Posted by Shanti on March 16, 2002, at 15:07:30
In reply to Re: Anyone had success on Effexor XR? , posted by Angel Girl on March 16, 2002, at 14:01:05
> If I haven't already said it, I want to now. I'm very sorry for worrying y'all and I'm so shocked to see so many replies to my post. I want to thank y'all for your concern and help. I think I really need this place. I'm not sure my posts are helping anybody else but at least I feel wanted somewhere and have found people who actually do care about me. So, from the bottom of my heart THANK YOU!!!!
>
> And a special thank you to Dr. Bob for giving us this forum so that we all can know that we don't have to go through this alone.
>
> THANKS Y'ALL!!!
>
> Angel Girlhi angel girl
you do help us all just like we help you that is why we are here. how are you feeling - you sound a little down but i can feel your spark girl just grab on to it and enjoy!
renee posted and asked where you live, i know it is canada but where? i am in Windsor, ON because if we live close i would like to become your friend as well and help.
sue doe: can't wait to hear from you. it is 4:00 pm just got back from a hockey tournament my husbands team lost but he got 5 points! he needs to use the computer and i gotta go!! he is right here overlooking me as i write (ps he sends his best! anyway i hope your grape picking went well
today good going what a sense of accomplishment you must have felt (even if you didn't complete the job you started it and that my dear is the hardest part!i hope i get to read some more posts later,
peace
shanti
Posted by Angel Girl on March 16, 2002, at 16:50:08
In reply to Re: Anyone had success on Effexor XR? , posted by Shanti on March 16, 2002, at 15:07:30
>
> hi angel girl
>
> you do help us all just like we help you that is why we are here. how are you feeling - you sound a little down but i can feel your spark girl just grab on to it and enjoy!
>
> renee posted and asked where you live, i know it is canada but where? i am in Windsor, ON because if we live close i would like to become your friend as well and help.
>
> sue doe: can't wait to hear from you. it is 4:00 pm just got back from a hockey tournament my husbands team lost but he got 5 points! he needs to use the computer and i gotta go!! he is right here overlooking me as i write (ps he sends his best! anyway i hope your grape picking went well
> today good going what a sense of accomplishment you must have felt (even if you didn't complete the job you started it and that my dear is the hardest part!
>
> i hope i get to read some more posts later,
>
> peace
>
> shanti
Hi shantiI thought I already mentioned where I live. Oh well. It's ok. My mind ain't what it used to be. :( I live in Toronto, Canada not too far from you I guess. I am a little down, but moreso drained and exhausted after finding out that I was abandoned once again. It's hard to accept that even though I can understand it. I put everybody through alot. However, I do think my family is FINALLY starting to understand me after the meltdown I went through in the last 2 weeks. I start my therapy this Friday and I'm praying that will start me on my road to recovery. I know it's a long one but it needs to get started. I've been on Effexor since November and haven't had any therapy yet. I'm scared but I'm also looking forward to it. I WANT to get better. I hate this illness that has taken possession over me. I want to be set free!!!
Angel Girl
Posted by Shanti on March 16, 2002, at 18:41:16
In reply to Re: Anyone had success on Effexor XR? , posted by Angel Girl on March 16, 2002, at 16:50:08
angel girl
yoour mind hasn't left you it's still there it's just taking a break! - once you start therapy you will begin to feel better are you open to constructive criticism? because therapy will show you things about yourself that are sometimes hard to look at i get this a lot in my life from everyone so i have learned to be open to it and if need be learn by it and put it to use but i also find that sometimes people just say things to hurt you because they are hurt.
i have been through 3 therapist in 6 years the one i have now is good. she says it like it is and i learn to say it like it is (not afraid to say f**k in a session without hesitation!) i even once told her a constructive criticism and felt good that i got it off my chest!
did you think about going to the library and getting a book? or what about music - i love music it is for my soul both my children enjoy it as well and that makes me feel good. right now my daughter and I (5months) listen to Sarah McLacuchlin(spelling?) she loves the soft beats and i love the words (surfacing/the whole cd) ((ya canada))i also like the words to the songs of U2 i swear these people were chosen to bring us messages through music there is 1 U2 song i don't know the title but they sing about going to meet god and she's a woman - if you know the song name please tell me so i can download it!
sue doe posted early about family/partners not being supportive and i hope she sees this too my husband and i talked about it and he said it best it's like smoking. people don't understand why we are addicted to it when they have never smoked nor do they like it at all so they can't understand. that is what depression is like too he said, he can't understand it because he has never had it. i thought it made sense.
you said you live in TO what do you do for a living? we don't go there too often due to the high cost of everything just like we don't go to detroit especially now after Sept. 11 but Toronto is very beautiful. do you live in the city or in one of the bigger cities? when i was growing up my dream was to be a secretary in Toronto living in the big city on my own until i met my knight in shining armour and then we move into the house with the white picket fence with 2.5 kids! instead i am a receptionist for a daycare (keeps me young) been divorced 2x and have 2 children from 2 different dads. but if i could trade up my life for a better one - i can honestly say no even with my life long depression and shitty upbringing and so on and so forth . because you know what angel girl, there is a reason for everything so instead of treating my self and my depression like a cancer i am learning to live with it and learn everything i can from everyone and everything and hopefully share from all the expieriences i have encountered. i told my therapist i am going to write a book about my life which i am going to do. i started it but haven't found the time to go back to it yet but i also believe i am not quite ready so i don't panic about it and i also don't put myself down because i am not working on it the way i thought i would. some days there is too much going on that i don't want to miss (i have my daughter to thank for this because her birth changed me for the better and i actually look forward to waking up every morning and seeing what things i can learn today.
talk to you soon,
peace,
shanti
Posted by Sue Doe on March 16, 2002, at 23:16:26
In reply to the meaning of suffering, posted by nevergiveup1962 on March 16, 2002, at 10:28:55
> I think faith can be a tremendous force in healing depression. But as a Christian, I would strongly caution you against viewing your suffering an unsupportive or cruel husband as redemptive. Jesus suffered so that we do not have to - God doesn't want us to suffer, god wants us to be healed...I know so many women (myself included) who put up with semi to totally awful husbands not realizing that in fact he may be the cause of the depression in the first place - or at least, making it 10 times worse than it needs to be...
>
>It is easy to reject men (i.e. husbands, boyfriends) who are abusive to us, but how do we escape our children? They are still dependant. I bear more than I would desire to bear in the interest of love and hope for a better future. I am actually glad my son has rejected me and run away. Now I don't have to hear his constant abuse. We write emails to each other. It is a much more level-headed form of communication.
Hoping for a better tomorrow.
Sue Doe (Nym)
Posted by Sue Doe on March 16, 2002, at 23:49:40
In reply to Re: I'm right behind you, posted by Shanti on March 16, 2002, at 7:32:40
> good morning everyone!
>
> i agree sue doe about the anger feelings as well, yes i too am learning to intergrate them so to speak into my life as well, i tend to forget that those feelings are also a part of me as well and instead of denying them, i should be celebrating them so to speak, i will certainly find that out now, because once again i am starting to enter "the demon zone" (ha ha) i did ok yesterday now i have to work on today but i can do it especially when i come to my computer and read the posts of some "new friends" i have found.....
> peace,
>
> shanti
Dear Shanti:
“Surreal” times. What an appropriate description. Do you suppose Dali was Bi-Polar?
But on the more serious side, we just can’t fit in the 8-5, 24-7 world. We simply don’t function that way!
It’s no use trying to get people to understand why we are the way we are. As a child I remember how much I loved climbing way up high in a cupboard and locking myself in. I loved it there!
Later, I learned to go into “Zombie” mode, staring off into the distance and ignoring all those around me.
When I learned to compose music, I would hope for “eccentricity” credit. I would intentionally talk crazy, just to keep people wondering. And to keep them at arms length where they couldn’t hurt me.
All of these are simply survival methods.I remember these things because of my children. Now they are finding themselves “different” from those around them. One daughter told me the school nurse said that she may find herself to be Bi-Polar when she grows older, so she and her sister wanted to know whether I thought this would really happen, and if so what it would be like! Since I was in one of my good phases, I used this opportunity to try to help them understand me, and see how I cope.
When my children don’t feel like going to school, I don’t make them. Because I know that some sorts of illness can’t be measured with a thermometer.I hope to continue to know myself better, and to help my children to know themselves better.
In regards to telling me about your son’s mania, I wonder whether I can offer a thought. Accept it not as a claim to expertise, but just a notion. If he is “high” he may not be able to bring it down a bit. Some children learn to hold back their manic outbursts while in socially compromising situations. But these “outbursts” are automatic, they are like a sneeze. We can hold back the sneeze for awhile, but sooner or later it is going to need a way out. Rather than asking our children not to sneeze, so to speek, perhaps we should help them find ways to channel these excessive energy bursts. Music? Art? Athletics? What else?
We have a little farm, and one of the more successful maneuvers we’ve used to quiet down my most hyperactive son was to tell him to go out and run around the vineyard 2 times! He loved it. We would cheer him on all the way. He used up the energy, no longer had it locked up inside threatening to burst at any moment, and he felt like a great athlete.
these are only temporary solutions, but we need all the tricks we can get. N’est ce pas?I don’t even want to think about unsupportive husbands right now. He’s gone for a few more weeks, out of sight, out of mind. The phone is turned off, and I only need to talk with him when I am emotionally strong enough to talk with him.
Oh well, we could go on, and on, and on, couldn’t we?
Let me spare you.
thanks for being there.
Sue Doe
Posted by Sue Doe on March 16, 2002, at 23:52:37
In reply to To Shanti, the peacemaker » Shanti, posted by Sue Doe on March 16, 2002, at 23:49:40
Dear Shanti:
> .....Oh well, we could go on, and on, and on, couldn’t we?....> Sue DoeP.S. maternity leave? Are you pregnant now? do you have a newborn? What's up?
Posted by Angel Girl on March 17, 2002, at 0:30:06
In reply to Re: To Shanti, the peacemaker...P.S., posted by Sue Doe on March 16, 2002, at 23:52:37
I lost 2 of my closest friends this week. They feel that they are doing me more harm than good by talking with me. They also don't understand what I'm going through. Why can't they see that by abandoning me they are hurting me even more???? I find this very cruel and I hate what they are doing to me. If people can't love me enough to stick with me when I'm ill then I don't want them in my life when I get better. To leave me until I get better is not my idea of what a friend is. I'm extremely hurt, angry and once again crying. Yet another item for therapy. :(
How do y'all deal with this????
Posted by Scott Hendrix on March 17, 2002, at 0:54:11
In reply to How do you deal with the loss of friends???, posted by Angel Girl on March 17, 2002, at 0:30:06
Angel, I am new to this board so I really don't know your history, but I struggle with this alot myself. I feel like my constant swings of being in Good Spirits and Talkative, Parties, Being Around Friends etc.. then suddenly NOT being around them at all and secluding myself into my home except for work causes them to think that I am not a real friend. I don't know this but I have come to this conclusion. I am in the domant state right now. I don't want to leave the house, I spend endless hours on this damn computer. I actually enjoy it more that spending time with friends. I sleep on and off during the day, and get on the computer, get bored and then fall asleep. I have managed to turn off my feelings towards my friends feelings of wanting me to go and do things with them. They don't call as often anymore. I know that eventually I will come out of my shell again and go out and have a great time, but just not all the time anymore. I am 27 going on 28 in a few months (Gemini). I just don't see the spark or energy in going out and doing things with other people anymore. The only way for me to get that way is to get messed up on alcohol or other things. I am tring to kick all habits and it is hard. I am bi-polar, used to be mixed, with moods changing rapidly. Now it seems I have slipped into lull. I have very decreased energy and no appitite for life or work recently about the past two months, I am tring to kick my self back into semi manic mode to get out of this lull. Any suggestions. I know its alot... I have lost friends because of my irrational behavior as well but none have come out and told me that is why and I haven't asked.
> I lost 2 of my closest friends this week. They feel that they are doing me more harm than good by talking with me. They also don't understand what I'm going through. Why can't they see that by abandoning me they are hurting me even more???? I find this very cruel and I hate what they are doing to me. If people can't love me enough to stick with me when I'm ill then I don't want them in my life when I get better. To leave me until I get better is not my idea of what a friend is. I'm extremely hurt, angry and once again crying. Yet another item for therapy. :(
>
> How do y'all deal with this????
Posted by Angel Girl on March 17, 2002, at 2:28:08
In reply to Re: How do you deal with the loss of friends??? » Angel Girl, posted by Scott Hendrix on March 17, 2002, at 0:54:11
Scott
I'm new here too. I'm severely depressed and going through a very rough time in this last week. I don't know if you saw my earlier post, I wanted to kill myself this week. I have constant suicidal thoughts. :( I'm not bi-polar, at least that's not how I was diagnosed even though I have had manic episodes last year but I do know what you're going through. I've been there done that. If everybody would just leave me alone I would be doing EXACTLY the same as you. I would be VERY content to lay on the couch all day and watch mindless hours of TV or sit at this computer. I'm on here alot too. I don't see friends either. I was referring to online friends. They didn't tell me that they were abandoning me themselves, a mutual friend told me. But I know its true because I have my AIM up and they are ignoring me as well as we all frequent another message board and they're ignoring me there too. It REALLY hurts ALOT!!!! I've known them for a LONG time. It also makes me very angry. Anger seems to be my new friend. It is soooo not me. I don't even know this 'person' who has taken over my body and my mind. And where did the 'real' me go???? How long have you been dealing with this? What meds are you on? Do they help? I don't really have any suggestions for you cuz I'm fighting the same thing. Only diff with me is that LIFE is forcing me to work or I won't get paid. The almighty dollar is speaking LOUD and clear. I can't ignore it or I'll lose everything. I'm very close to that now. :( Where do you live Scott? I'm in Toronto, Canada. Write me back, k? I'd like to learn more about you. :)
Angel Girl
> Angel, I am new to this board so I really don't know your history, but I struggle with this alot myself. I feel like my constant swings of being in Good Spirits and Talkative, Parties, Being Around Friends etc.. then suddenly NOT being around them at all and secluding myself into my home except for work causes them to think that I am not a real friend. I don't know this but I have come to this conclusion. I am in the domant state right now. I don't want to leave the house, I spend endless hours on this damn computer. I actually enjoy it more that spending time with friends. I sleep on and off during the day, and get on the computer, get bored and then fall asleep. I have managed to turn off my feelings towards my friends feelings of wanting me to go and do things with them. They don't call as often anymore. I know that eventually I will come out of my shell again and go out and have a great time, but just not all the time anymore. I am 27 going on 28 in a few months (Gemini). I just don't see the spark or energy in going out and doing things with other people anymore. The only way for me to get that way is to get messed up on alcohol or other things. I am tring to kick all habits and it is hard. I am bi-polar, used to be mixed, with moods changing rapidly. Now it seems I have slipped into lull. I have very decreased energy and no appitite for life or work recently about the past two months, I am tring to kick my self back into semi manic mode to get out of this lull. Any suggestions. I know its alot... I have lost friends because of my irrational behavior as well but none have come out and told me that is why and I haven't asked.
>
> > I lost 2 of my closest friends this week. They feel that they are doing me more harm than good by talking with me. They also don't understand what I'm going through. Why can't they see that by abandoning me they are hurting me even more???? I find this very cruel and I hate what they are doing to me. If people can't love me enough to stick with me when I'm ill then I don't want them in my life when I get better. To leave me until I get better is not my idea of what a friend is. I'm extremely hurt, angry and once again crying. Yet another item for therapy. :(
> >
> > How do y'all deal with this????
Posted by Shanti on March 17, 2002, at 6:56:47
In reply to Re: How do you deal with the loss of friends??? , posted by Angel Girl on March 17, 2002, at 2:28:08
hi scott and angel girl
just read your posts i would like to jump in! i too am gemini scott - do you think that sometimes has to do with our depression? because sometimes i feel like a different person, it is like there is a good me and a bad me but (and this is for you angel girl) i learned to intergrate them (still working on trust me!) because we shouldn't separate the two personalities because if we do then we are not liking the one side of us and of course it is the "bad" side. i also learned in my many years of getting better that to know happiness you must know hurt good/must know bad etc. i thought about that long and hard and figured that the rest of my life should be "good" because the first 28 years were "bad"
angel girl, if your friends left maybe they are scard or they see your posts but don't know what to say and people think sometimes saying nothing is the best thing????
one last thing as for not doing anything right now maybe you need a rest - yes it may be years it took me at least 10years to "wake up from this state" so to speak but you know what you will come out of it and there are days when i just need to veg out and instead of relating it to depression (one of my safe places is to sleep for many many hours at a time and try doing this as a single mother with a young child - lets just say he watched a lot of tv and 10 years later you can tell because he knows every commerical, etc but that is ok because mom is better now) now when im tired i will sleep and instead of thinking its my depression i tell myself i need a rest and then i go lay down.
happy st. patty's day hope to hear from you soon
peaceshanti
Posted by SueDoeN on March 17, 2002, at 8:55:19
In reply to Re: How do you deal with the loss of friends??? , posted by Shanti on March 17, 2002, at 6:56:47
Shanti, Scott and Angel Girl
I decided to post my email address. I would like to think I could be a friend. I don't know how to get set up for instant messaging, but if someone will help me, I'll do that, too.
I can't say I'll always be here, (unpredictable depressed/manic states, etc.) But I will never turn my back on you. It's happened too many times to me!!
Please write me an email!
Sincerely,
SueDoeN
P.S. I changed my posting name a little so it would match my email address:
SueDoeN@aol.com
Posted by Angel Girl on March 17, 2002, at 9:56:39
In reply to Re: How do you deal with the loss of friends??? , posted by Shanti on March 17, 2002, at 6:56:47
> hi scott and angel girl
>
> just read your posts i would like to jump in! i too am gemini scott - do you think that sometimes has to do with our depression? because sometimes i feel like a different person, it is like there is a good me and a bad me but (and this is for you angel girl) i learned to intergrate them (still working on trust me!) because we shouldn't separate the two personalities because if we do then we are not liking the one side of us and of course it is the "bad" side. i also learned in my many years of getting better that to know happiness you must know hurt good/must know bad etc. i thought about that long and hard and figured that the rest of my life should be "good" because the first 28 years were "bad"
>
> angel girl, if your friends left maybe they are scard or they see your posts but don't know what to say and people think sometimes saying nothing is the best thing????
>
> one last thing as for not doing anything right now maybe you need a rest - yes it may be years it took me at least 10years to "wake up from this state" so to speak but you know what you will come out of it and there are days when i just need to veg out and instead of relating it to depression (one of my safe places is to sleep for many many hours at a time and try doing this as a single mother with a young child - lets just say he watched a lot of tv and 10 years later you can tell because he knows every commerical, etc but that is ok because mom is better now) now when im tired i will sleep and instead of thinking its my depression i tell myself i need a rest and then i go lay down.
>
> happy st. patty's day hope to hear from you soon
> peace
>
> shanti
Hi shantiI feel there are two of me too. But I don't want ti integrate them at all. I HATE the new me. I don't want it to be any part of me when I get better. I want the new me to go away and have the old me back but only better. Does that make sense??? I want to learn how to handle things better, how not to be so sensitive and to take things so personally. Right now I analyze everything to death, everything that people say and their actions. But my interpretation rarely matches the reality that is presented to me. My thought processes are totally different. That is what I definitely need a lot of work on. I'm very anxious for my therapy to start this Friday. I know it's going to be difficult for me but yet I'm very anxious to evolve into a well person who can look at life in a positive way and to feel the love that people say they are giving me. I don't feel that now. I don't know how to feel it. :(
I agree with you with your thoughts about rest. That's how I look at it now too. But I didn't feel that way when I was totally engrossed in it as I interpret Scott to be saying. I know how he feels, it's only a short time since I was there and to be honest it was a safer place for me. I don't handle relationships very well at all and when I stayed at home all the time and watched TV or spent all my time on the computer, I didn't have to deal with people, although I do have internet friends, albeit that is dwindling now too. But now I am forced by my employer to work as many hours as I can so I'm back out in the world. I don't like it but I know it is better for me and I have no choice, there is no option for me. But when my workday is over, I want to stay at home like Scott is. I want to shut the world off and be myself. I'm hoping therapy will help me deal with the world. Scott didn't mention anything about therapy or medication so I don't know what he is doing. I'd like to hear more about him.
Shanti, I think you're right about my friends. Due to my depression, I used to post very erratically on the other message board but I've been working on that since it has only brought me more pain with the replies I would receive. I haven't done that in 1 1/2 months. :) But, I've also been close enough with a handful of people off of the message board and have had an email/AIM friendship and sometimes the phone. But 2 of my closest friends feel that they can not be my friends now due to my depression and sadness. I don't understand how they think that by abandoning me that is making me feel any better. It brings me great pain, phenomenol hurt and anger. Why can't they see that???? I really don't understand.
My biggest fear right now is that I will alienate everybody while I'm depressed so that when I finally get better I will find myself all alone. I can see that happening. I'm very close to losing everybody now. I am completely heartbroken beyond what I can put into words. Again, I'm in tears. I am sooooo very, very sad. :(
Angel Girl
Posted by Angel Girl on March 17, 2002, at 10:28:43
In reply to Friend? I'll apply! RE: Angel, Scott, Shanti » Shanti, posted by SueDoeN on March 17, 2002, at 8:55:19
> Shanti, Scott and Angel Girl
>
> I decided to post my email address. I would like to think I could be a friend. I don't know how to get set up for instant messaging, but if someone will help me, I'll do that, too.
> I can't say I'll always be here, (unpredictable depressed/manic states, etc.) But I will never turn my back on you. It's happened too many times to me!!
> Please write me an email!
> Sincerely,
> SueDoeN
> P.S. I changed my posting name a little so it would match my email address:
> SueDoeN@aol.com
SueDoeThanks sweetie. I appreciate the email addy. I can't help you with the instant messaging thing. Although I have it, somebody had to walk me through it. I'm computer iliterate. I personally have AOL instant messanger. If that is the one you want, just go to aol.com and pick a name and follow the directions. Good luck!!! There are other instant messangers too.
Thanks again, it really is hard to go through this all alone or to see everybody dropping out of your life, slowly one by one.
Angel Girl
Posted by Shanti on March 17, 2002, at 12:15:06
In reply to Re: How do you deal with the loss of friends??? , posted by Angel Girl on March 17, 2002, at 9:56:39
> > hi scott and angel girl
> >
> > just read your posts i would like to jump in! i too am gemini scott - do you think that sometimes has to do with our depression? because sometimes i feel like a different person, it is like there is a good me and a bad me but (and this is for you angel girl) i learned to intergrate them (still working on trust me!) because we shouldn't separate the two personalities because if we do then we are not liking the one side of us and of course it is the "bad" side. i also learned in my many years of getting better that to know happiness you must know hurt good/must know bad etc. i thought about that long and hard and figured that the rest of my life should be "good" because the first 28 years were "bad"
> >
> > angel girl, if your friends left maybe they are scard or they see your posts but don't know what to say and people think sometimes saying nothing is the best thing????
> >
> > one last thing as for not doing anything right now maybe you need a rest - yes it may be years it took me at least 10years to "wake up from this state" so to speak but you know what you will come out of it and there are days when i just need to veg out and instead of relating it to depression (one of my safe places is to sleep for many many hours at a time and try doing this as a single mother with a young child - lets just say he watched a lot of tv and 10 years later you can tell because he knows every commerical, etc but that is ok because mom is better now) now when im tired i will sleep and instead of thinking its my depression i tell myself i need a rest and then i go lay down.
> >
> > happy st. patty's day hope to hear from you soon
> > peace
> >
> > shanti
>
>
> Hi shanti
>
> I feel there are two of me too. But I don't want ti integrate them at all. I HATE the new me. I don't want it to be any part of me when I get better. I want the new me to go away and have the old me back but only better. Does that make sense??? I want to learn how to handle things better, how not to be so sensitive and to take things so personally. Right now I analyze everything to death, everything that people say and their actions. But my interpretation rarely matches the reality that is presented to me. My thought processes are totally different. That is what I definitely need a lot of work on. I'm very anxious for my therapy to start this Friday. I know it's going to be difficult for me but yet I'm very anxious to evolve into a well person who can look at life in a positive way and to feel the love that people say they are giving me. I don't feel that now. I don't know how to feel it. :(
>
> I agree with you with your thoughts about rest. That's how I look at it now too. But I didn't feel that way when I was totally engrossed in it as I interpret Scott to be saying. I know how he feels, it's only a short time since I was there and to be honest it was a safer place for me. I don't handle relationships very well at all and when I stayed at home all the time and watched TV or spent all my time on the computer, I didn't have to deal with people, although I do have internet friends, albeit that is dwindling now too. But now I am forced by my employer to work as many hours as I can so I'm back out in the world. I don't like it but I know it is better for me and I have no choice, there is no option for me. But when my workday is over, I want to stay at home like Scott is. I want to shut the world off and be myself. I'm hoping therapy will help me deal with the world. Scott didn't mention anything about therapy or medication so I don't know what he is doing. I'd like to hear more about him.
>
> Shanti, I think you're right about my friends. Due to my depression, I used to post very erratically on the other message board but I've been working on that since it has only brought me more pain with the replies I would receive. I haven't done that in 1 1/2 months. :) But, I've also been close enough with a handful of people off of the message board and have had an email/AIM friendship and sometimes the phone. But 2 of my closest friends feel that they can not be my friends now due to my depression and sadness. I don't understand how they think that by abandoning me that is making me feel any better. It brings me great pain, phenomenol hurt and anger. Why can't they see that???? I really don't understand.
>
> My biggest fear right now is that I will alienate everybody while I'm depressed so that when I finally get better I will find myself all alone. I can see that happening. I'm very close to losing everybody now. I am completely heartbroken beyond what I can put into words. Again, I'm in tears. I am sooooo very, very sad. :(
>
> Angel Girlhey girl don't be sad. i have to take my son right now to do some things and spend some time with him but when i get home i will post later because i want to reply to you so keep your head and chin up, enjoy your sunday and i will talk to you later
peace
your friend,
shanti
Posted by Nei Gan on March 17, 2002, at 12:29:13
In reply to Re: weird symptom, posted by shelia on February 20, 2002, at 13:47:10
Have experienced almost all the withdrawal symptoms posted here. sheila's post of Feb 20, 2002 led me to this site: http://depression.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?site=http://www.socialaudit.org.uk/4200wjgi.htm
Posted by SueDoeN on March 17, 2002, at 14:14:01
In reply to Re: Friend? I'll apply! RE: Angel, Scott, Shanti, posted by Angel Girl on March 17, 2002, at 10:28:43
That tells me enough, I know how to do the AOL buddy list thing. Just put me on your buddy list. (SueDoeN) What is your screen name?
>
Sincerely,
SueDoeN
Posted by Reneeb on March 17, 2002, at 16:02:55
In reply to To Angel: » Angel Girl, posted by SueDoeN on March 17, 2002, at 14:14:01
> Hey Guys, I would love to be part of this chat room or email or whatever you decided to do.
Angel, I don't live in Canada. I live in the U.S. but how I look at it - it gives you a place to visit. I know we all have been in that dark ulgy place and it is so nice to have friends that understand...
hope to talk soon,
Renee
Posted by SueDoeN on March 17, 2002, at 16:40:54
In reply to Re: To Angel,Scott, Shanti and Sue, posted by Reneeb on March 17, 2002, at 16:02:55
> > Hey Guys, I would love to be part of this chat room or email or whatever you decided to do.
hope to talk soon,
>
>
> ReneeThat's great, Renee! Please drop me a line
SueDoeN@aol.comThanks!! I'll be waiting by the mailbox!
Sue
Posted by Angel Girl on March 17, 2002, at 16:51:58
In reply to To Angel: » Angel Girl, posted by SueDoeN on March 17, 2002, at 14:14:01
> That tells me enough, I know how to do the AOL buddy list thing. Just put me on your buddy list. (SueDoeN) What is your screen name?
> >
> Sincerely,
> SueDoeN
SueDoeNI'm scared. I've lost most of my friends this week and I can't go through that again. If I was to join, I am opening myself up to be abandoned. I'm REALLY scared. I'm EXTREMELY fragile right now. :(
I even sent my 'friends' that have abandoned me an email telling them how they have hurt me and even though one of them has been online, she never replied. I am so incredibly hurt and feel absolutely CRUSHED!!!!
Angel Girl
Posted by SueDoeN on March 17, 2002, at 17:01:00
In reply to Re: To Angel: SueDoeN, posted by Angel Girl on March 17, 2002, at 16:51:58
I'm scared. I've lost most of my friends this week and I can't go through that again. If I was to join, I am opening myself up to be abandoned. I'm REALLY scared. I'm EXTREMELY fragile right now. :(
>
I can't say I would always be here. Because sometimes my mania draws me off into strange lands. But maybe you can enjoy me when I'm here! Why don't you just put my name on your buddy list and you'll know when I am online. You don't need to write, just know I must be doing Okay whenever you see me here!
sincerely,
Sue
Posted by Reneeb on March 17, 2002, at 18:13:05
In reply to Nevergiveup: You're awesome!! » nevergiveup1962, posted by Sue Doe on March 15, 2002, at 21:26:23
Posted by Reneeb on March 17, 2002, at 18:25:33
In reply to Re: weird symptom, posted by Nei Gan on March 17, 2002, at 12:29:13
Thanks for the info!!!
Renee
Posted by Reneeb on March 17, 2002, at 19:16:30
In reply to Re: How do you deal with the loss of friends??? , posted by Angel Girl on March 17, 2002, at 2:28:08
> Hi Angel, I would like to be a friend. I know how it feels to lose and to be hurt by special people in your life. My parents weren't the greatest role models either. My father was extremely abusive and both were/are alcoholics. I watched as my father beat the hell out of my Mother and as I got older and would step in so my dad wouldn't get my Mother it would happen to me. I was told I would never amount to anything and Angel, I could go on for days... I can't imagine anything worse than being hurt by the two people that are suppose to love and nuture you. This wonderful beginning would lead me to many more heartbreaks with my sisters, brothers, friends and spouse. I was divorced when my daughter was three years old. Anyway, I can relate and I am a great listener. I would like to give you my email address. I used to be on aol know I am on earthlink, but use aol messanger. My email address is Reneeb724@earthlink.net
Anytime you need to talk.
Renee
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