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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by judy1 on January 10, 2005, at 23:28:15
just concerned- you wrote you weren't doing well on the grief board. please let me know how you are.
thanks, judy
Posted by Shar on January 11, 2005, at 22:27:03
In reply to What's going on Shar?, posted by judy1 on January 10, 2005, at 23:28:15
awww, you truly do NOT want to hear a bunch more of my sad story, wanting to not be here, depression....you know!
This is the 2000 board, which means I've been here 5 years. And, I don't think my posts have changed that much. Up's and down's, etc.
Right now I am just flat out broke. I know others can relate. It's just hard because this is the worst off I've ever been in my 53 years. And, true to my nature, I don't feel/believe the future will bring any more comfort.
I used to! Fairy tales and all that. But, not now.
However, I am thoroughly excited and happy for those of you who have found a way out--whether through meds or horses or whatever!
Thanks for asking!
xoxo
Shar
Posted by judy1 on January 12, 2005, at 11:48:00
In reply to Re: What's going on Shar? » judy1, posted by Shar on January 11, 2005, at 22:27:03
Did you ever look into disability? I truly feel that saved my life. Money problems can depress anyone, and those of us who have depressive episodes, well it just makes it so much worse. I feel so strongly about paying into the system (social security) and being able to use it when you need to. I think that's probably where you are now- if so, let me know if you want help on how to apply, etc. Since you have an extensive history of depression it shouldn't take that long (2-3 months?) and you do get that lump sum check for me it was a year's payment.
Now I don't recommend this for everyone, but as a stop-gap measure I have used credit cards to buy time- is that something you can do until you get disability (if that's what you decide?) You can always pay back what you've used with the lump sum check.
I wish I could write something that helps you, but please know you are in my thoughts and I hope you feel better soon.
take care, judy
Posted by Shar on January 17, 2005, at 21:26:56
In reply to Re: What's going on Shar? » Shar, posted by judy1 on January 12, 2005, at 11:48:00
Hi, Judy,
Thanks so much for your reply. I've done internet looking into disability, but do not appear to meet the requirements for income. Even though I only make $800/month at my part time job, from what I saw I would not be eligible.If you want to shed any light on any of this I am at Shar_from_babble at yahoo dot com. I am not feeling to hopeful--my dx is only dysthymia with clinical episodes (I suppose that's when I feel suicidal).
Right now, nothing feels very hopeful. So, your input was wonderful. I'm so very pleased that you can get assistance, and will encourage others to also.
Many thanks,
Shar
Posted by judy1 on January 21, 2005, at 14:17:03
In reply to Re: What's going on Shar? » judy1, posted by Shar on January 17, 2005, at 21:26:56
I tried to set up another e-mail account to answer you but I kept screwing up, so do you mind if I answer you here? The thing with social security is- it doesn't matter what you make now- actually that's a plus because it's obvious that you aren't able to work full-time or up to your previous level. I paid into the social security system for over a dozen years at a high level before I crashed- and this is what they based their payments on. my earning potential, and what I would get at a retirement age- which I think is either 67 or 70 (it keeps going up). so, have you paid into the system for an extended period? that lovely social security tax that appeared (maybe not now) on your income statement? if so, then you are definitely entitled to benefits. I posted the link for Phil a while back- www.allsupinc.com. They don't charge anything, so at least talk to them and see if you do qualify. unless you have never held down a full time job in your life, you almost certainly do. let me know what happens, I'll be thinking of you.
take care, judy
Posted by judy1 on January 21, 2005, at 14:23:30
In reply to I'm sorry... » Shar, posted by judy1 on January 21, 2005, at 14:17:03
what I should have done at the time (and this is for other readers), was to go on long term disability. because you get 80% of your income- which at that time was significantly higher then my ssd income now. the problem was I felt so awful and didn't understand my options, so I just let the ssd lawyer take care of everything. just wanted to let other readers know- because I'm guessing that for Shar the ssd would be higher now.
Posted by Shar on January 31, 2005, at 22:15:58
In reply to and actually..., posted by judy1 on January 21, 2005, at 14:23:30
I will look into that link. I worked for the state of Tx (yes...shrub country, much to my great regret!) for almost 20 years. I have a Ph.D. which one would assume almost guarantees income....but really does not, if you've been laid off. The lower level jobs don't want to hire you for fear of losing their investment in your training, etc., and the higher paying jobs...I've been out of for some years now and the technology has changed.
Thanks so much for your kind reply!
xoxo
SharP.S. Hope you and the kiddos are all doing well!
Posted by judy1 on February 3, 2005, at 21:18:11
In reply to Re: and actually... » judy1, posted by Shar on January 31, 2005, at 22:15:58
we have a similar background Shar so I completely understand your situation. I truly hope this works out for you, please let me know what happens. oh and try to be really honest about how your disorder limits your ability to work when you speak to a rep, sometimes we all tend to be too stoic.
take care of yourself, judy
Posted by Shar on February 4, 2005, at 0:31:16
In reply to Re: and actually... » Shar, posted by judy1 on February 3, 2005, at 21:18:11
Posted by Shar on February 4, 2005, at 0:47:55
In reply to Stoicism I TOTALLY understand! TY again! (nm) » judy1, posted by Shar on February 4, 2005, at 0:31:16
I could do a (can I say suicidal gesture here?) at any moment. Is that what it takes? In fact, it would be fine with me if it worked! However, I have a few folks hounding me not to do the S. Gesture.
So, really (between you and me, Judy) I just want to go. Away. Permanently. (I am not raising children anymore.) Is your life better after you were in the hospital?
I got my 1099 form today (for taxes) and I made almost $14,000 last year! Woo hoo! That's down from $50 K a few years ago. Ain't life grand?
My dogs are dying (Lamar), Shadow has tumors, Goblet (who I inherited) is just nuts... he does this screaming/barking/howl kind of thing from previous abuse....and ... And, I can't afford a visit to the vet. I am a totally BAD doggie mom. But, it did not start out that way, when I was employed.
What am I doing? I'm dumping all my stuff on you! How awful!
But, ok, since this is where I am right now....I'm going to post this anyway!
Sorry for you!
xoxoxo
Shar
Posted by judy1 on February 5, 2005, at 19:03:11
In reply to However... Judy...., posted by Shar on February 4, 2005, at 0:47:55
please, please try to ride these feelings out. yes, I get what you are feeling, I have been there several times in my life, and everytime I came through I was incredibly grateful- maybe not right away, but eventually. because life always did improve for me, even though it seemed all it was doing was spiraling down at those times.
you are a WONDERFUL doggie mom, you give those dogs more love than they can probably handle. I lost my malamute a couple of months ago and felt horrible- and I charged thousands in vet bills that I couldn't afford and I still had to put him to sleep. I had to reach the point where I realized I was keeping him alive for me and not giving him quality of life. when I did make the decision, I held him as the vet put him to sleep- it was an incredibly peaceful moment and he looked at me so gratefully. ok, I'm crying now- and I don't know if you have to deal with this yet. I just know I loved all my dogs the best I could and that's all they can ask of us. is there an ASPA near you- if so, can you ask them for advice. the one by me has a vet that does gratis work part-time- I know because I used to volunteer there.
my life has gotten much, much better since I attempted suicide several years ago. I finally realize how many people would have suffered if I had succeeded. and since my dad did succeed when I was a teen and I'm still traumatized by it, you think I would have realized that a long time ago. I still get dark thoughts- almost always in the winter- is this the bad time of the year for you also?
this is so disjointed, please forgive me for rambling.
the last time I was employed full-time was over 4 years ago. I was in research and made about 65K. my SSD is $1500/mo and my kids each get one half until they are 18 (i put it in their college fund). I don't have a calculator but I'm guessing if you get SSD it will most certainly be more than what you made last year. it feels like money solves everything when you don't have it- and don't get me wrong it most certainly helps. but with me it was taking away the stress of my then job that really helped me. and in that respect getting the SSD gave me the peace of mind to take care of the essentials, so I could work on getting well. I do a lot of meditating, exercising and most critical for me- give love to my family and pets. this seems the magic formula right now, but I also know from the past anything can happen in this journey of life.
I hope today was a better day for you and please dump on me anytime, I really do care Shar.
all my best, judy
This is the end of the thread.
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