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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Racer on December 9, 2004, at 15:48:48
OK, so I guess I'm stabilized enough to mostly laugh at myself about this, but it is serious, too. If anyone here has a last ounce of sympathy to offer, I know someone who would accept it about now...
So, y'all know -- better than most, on accounta y'all had to wade through all my hysterics about it all -- how bad things were for me with that agency, yes? And I think y'all know that I'm filing a grievance with the county about it, with the help of a local pro-bono law firm who specializes in this, and that I'm nuts, right? Still with me so far? Well, I've had the draft of the complaint waiting for me to deal with for ages now, and it's been too much for me to manage. Today I finally managed to get my part of it done, although I don't think it's good enough, etc. I've sent a call to my T, and to a friend, and emailed copies of it all to both of them, asking for a quick turnaround with feedback before I send it to the attorney. But I'm so damned wound up and upset by it all, and I want to go somewhere and suck my thumb. You know?
So, I figured I'd come here and tell y'all that I"m just a big baby, and gonna go sulk.
But once this is finally off to the attorney, maybe I can get something done! Like maybe catch up here!
xoxo
Posted by Phil on December 9, 2004, at 18:11:34
In reply to HORRIBLE/OVERWHELMED/WAAAHHHH!!!, posted by Racer on December 9, 2004, at 15:48:48
Racer, I'm glad you have some representation...it's hard to believe the system we all cope with to varying degrees.
I think we all make our very first appt with a pdoc because we feel something is wrong. The system then totally drives us completely nuts.
Wishing you well.Phil
Posted by Racer on December 10, 2004, at 17:36:30
In reply to Re: HORRIBLE/OVERWHELMED/WAAAHHHH!!! » Racer, posted by Phil on December 9, 2004, at 18:11:34
Yesterday I managed to get that thing sent off to the attorney. It's still got me wound tighter than a watch spring, but it's DONE.
Now to wait for her to write the final version, and then I approve it. Next week. I'll be stewing a bit until then, of course.
I did call SparklingBright yesterday, and we talked about some of this. Mostly, why it's so upsetting to me. Largely, it's because it's hitting one of my deepest fears: that no one will believe me. I wonder where that comes from? Maybe it has something to do with my mother telling me that her boyfriend was only playing? Hm...
Another thing that I recognized yesterday, is that I was having very strong suicidal ideation. Not to the point of planning anything, only that lead in of not wanting to live or not feeling I deserved to live. Guess what? I wasn't particularly depressed.
I was OVERWHELMINGLY ANXIOUS. That's a new discovery for me, I didn't realize how big a role anxiety played in my suicidal periods, but I certainly caught on this week. I'm planning something, but this time I'm planning something positive: I'm pretty sure I'll be calling Dr CattleProd to see him sooner than my next appointment. I'll also be talking about it at greater length with SparklingBright. I did tell her about those thoughts, by the way. Not hiding it, being honest, all that good stuff. Hell, let's say it straight out: trusting her. ;-)
Next step is to file a complaint with the licensing board, which is different from the process already in place. What's happening now is complaining about the agency as a whole. The licensing board is just The Therapist From The Black Lagoon. And maybe against Dr EyeCandy, too, although I'm still debating that. His notes continue to call me "well nourished", even after I'd lost fifty pounds, for one thing, and he prescribed Remeron to someone who was terrified of gaining weight from drugs. He also did other things, which are more related to the agency as a whole, though. I'll decide...
So, there's an update.
On a very good note, I get to meet Partly Cloudy on Monday! Yippee!
Posted by Shar on December 10, 2004, at 21:18:25
In reply to Thanks, Phil -- and an update for all, posted by Racer on December 10, 2004, at 17:36:30
Racer,
dang, girl, I know this is so tough for you! I'm praying (for you, me, all of us!).I've been sort of yearning for a Racer's Rant.
Good luck, god bless, and all good things to you!
xoxo
Shar
Posted by coral on December 16, 2004, at 9:27:48
In reply to Thanks, Phil -- and an update for all, posted by Racer on December 10, 2004, at 17:36:30
Dear Racer,
GOOD for you!!!!! I so admire what you're doing. Had I taken the steps ten years ago you're taking now, I doubt I'd have to be battling a phobia brought on by negligent :::cough, cough::: care.
The not-being-believed issue can be daunting. I'm presently seeing a new doc who is helping tremendously with the phobia and when I saw him this week, I mentioned that I thought he was going to fire me as a patient. Stunned, he looked at me with such compassion and said, "I'll help you any way I can. Why on earth would you think I'd fire you?" I said, "Because I'm such a pain in the neck." He broke into a big grin and said, "Your words, not mine. We'll get through this."
I could've wept.
So, keep up the good work!!!
Coral
This is the end of the thread.
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