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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by NikkiT2 on July 11, 2004, at 9:22:14
Will always be there??
Is it justy habit though??
So, I discover this morning that my bank account is empty.. beyond empty infact. My credit cards are full, and its 2 weeks before I get any money in my account.
But, instead of being able to rationalise it and work out where the hell to get some more money from, my brain automatically clicks into "you have no money, you're screwed, suicide is your only option"..
And why on earth am I always so skint?? I don't splash out on expensive goods, I don't go out buying tons of clothes or music.. OK, this month I have spent £150 on a new working wardrobe (was a nessisity, as I only had one pair of trousers (very casual) and two tops before!).. and I did have a day out with a friend that wasn't cheap.. But I don't eat out constantly, I don't buy myself gifts constantly, I buy fresh foods and not expensive packaged foods.. my only big vice is the £40 a month I allow myself to buy books with. I don't even have a car.
I just want to be able to stop worrying about money for once. I know I had that huge holiday.. but in all seriousness I did that on the cheap.. J paid for my flight.. we stayed in a VERY basic wooden hut that cost £4 a night, ate cheaply, I didn't drink copious amounts (its possible there to get very drunk on £1.50 anyway *l*), and the only things I treated myself to were some very cheap trousers..
I just don't know where I am going wrong, I really don't.
Sorry.. just need a ramble about this..
Posted by Racer on July 11, 2004, at 13:45:48
In reply to Why is it the same old triggers.., posted by NikkiT2 on July 11, 2004, at 9:22:14
I don't know.
Now, if I were a normal person, I could stop there, right? Not me...
Here are my thoughts on it, though, for what they're worth....
Nature abhors a vacuum. (Which tells you a lot about my housekeeping, right there.) If there's money left after the necessities are paid for, nature comes in and sucks it all away. Now, that's only my theory for when it happens to me. (Meaning all the time.)
The solutions are there, but they're the sorts of solutions that are so much harder to do than the problem itself, you know? You could do what I used to do: set up a very stringent budget and absolutely adhere to it until it just sucks you under into the kind of depression where any money that exists stays put because you never go anywhere that would allow you to spend it and don't even have the energy to pay the bills that come in. (Yeah, there are a few problems with doing it that way...)
Is it possible that this is a specific situation that relates to your new job? That is, could it be that having had to buy some new clothes to get you through the beginning of a new job might be the biggest factor in your current skintiness? That once you're up and running, you'll be in a better place? And if you think that might be it, can you hold on to that until things look safer to you? Or is this more of a pattern that repeats no matter how much or how little is coming in? (I've done both of those, by the way. Sometimes, especially when depression is sneaking up on me and I'm trying to deny it, I'll kinda subconsciously spend up to the limit as a sort of self-medication/self-punishment.)
Whatever it is, I guess the practical part of me says that the best solution I've ever found for it is to be sort of organized without being TOO organized. (Yeah, I get a little obsessive about organization. Often I'm not aware of it. A girlfriend of mine once opened my pantyhose drawer to grab a pair and nearly fell on her butt: "Racer! Your pantyhose is filed by color!!!" I'd never really thought about it, but it was true.) What I did, in my most sucessful financial organization days, was to put [x] amount into a longer-term savings account, which wasn't in the same bank as my other accounts; put [y] into a short term savings account at the same bank as my checking account; and the rest went into checking for bills, food, etc. That way, I could save up for the "toys" I wanted a little bit at a time without destroying myself all the way around. Does that make sense? I still do something similar, although it's all kinda moot right now, since I'm totally skint from the past year's nightmare. I have a small savings account, and everything that goes into my checking account gets a little bit of a discount that goes into savings. That way, the big things I want can come as soon as I save up enough. (Right now, I'm saving for a loom so that I can learn to weave. It's mostly in the "textile therapy" catagory, so by the time I've got enough saved, I may no longer need it.) If you want to be a little more detailed than that, you could also put [w] aside for lunches out while you're working, or for after work gatherings with friends, etc. Depends on how you work that way, you know? I'd be afraid to start something like that, since I tend to get TOO organized, if I let myself start adding catagories.
My mother, who taught me all these bad habits, had another way of dealing with it: she had a couple of file folders in her filing cabinet. One was "lunch money", another "groceries", etc. Each folder held that week's allotment in cash. It wasn't a perfect system, obviously, but it did work for her.
I dunno. I think, at least for me in my own experience, the problem is one of discipline, and those of us who have had problems with mood disorders are also the ones who have the hardest time dealing with this sort of thing. I also suspect that we're the ones who are most sensitive to our failures in this regard.
Nikki, my dear, I wish I could tell you something that would relieve your discomfort in this regard. I can't. I go through a great deal of distress over the very same thing myself, so all I can say is -- well, ok, let's be honest here: all I can really say is that, if I were a hugging sort of person, I'd send you a hug. I'm not, but my heart is holding a little Nikki shaped spot for you.
Bestest luck and better finances to you.
Posted by NikkiT2 on July 12, 2004, at 8:01:17
In reply to Re: Why is it the same old triggers.., posted by Racer on July 11, 2004, at 13:45:48
Its a long term problem.. very much a long term problem. I really don't know where I am going wrong.
I'm stressing about work as I don't have the money to get there and back, let alone buy lunch while there.. and taking lunhc isn't a real option as theres no fridge and I detest eating warm soggy sandwiches *l*
Damn I need to win the lottery
Nikki x
Posted by Noa on July 16, 2004, at 20:03:43
In reply to Re: Why is it the same old triggers.. » Racer, posted by NikkiT2 on July 12, 2004, at 8:01:17
Nikki, I have had money problems, too. I finally went to a community based debt counselor and got into a repayment program and got onto a liveable budget.
I know that there can be so much emotional baggage involved which makes it even more overwhelming--the self-critical stuff you mentioned.
I think that you can address the money problem, but first you need to see it as a problem to deal with, and not as who you are (all those critical things you say to yourself).
Can you get a short term plan together with J to get you through the next couple of weeks and then see a financial debt counselor to work out a long term plan to deal with the issues?
Posted by Rach on July 20, 2004, at 0:33:56
In reply to Re: Why is it the same old triggers.. » NikkiT2, posted by Noa on July 16, 2004, at 20:03:43
Hey Nik,
I used to have really BAD debt probs too. Now things are a lot more manageable. I don't know what your system is like over there, but here I've got 3 different bank accounts. I've set things up so on pay day (pay gets put directly into my account), some money automatically gets transferred elsewhere.
I have one account that I can only access through the internet. There is no card/cheque/phone access possible, and it has no fees. Pay day, an amount I'll never miss gets transferred into that account. At one point, it was as little as $9 a week being transferred. But you know what, after a few weeks, if I couldn't scrape together a dollar, I had $27 in that account for food or transport.
So one account is savings/emergency money, one account is bills & rent, and one account is other stuff (your books allowance would go in there). On pay day, I would draw out the amount of money for weekly expenses like food and transport, and pay cash for everything.
If there's something else I want (hair cut/books etc), it comes out of 'other stuff' account, and so when bills come around there is money in the bills account, or if I get desperate, in the emergency account.
This has worked for me (it goes off kilter every now and then - like right now, to be honest, because I'm suddenly earning less than half of what I used to earn), but it's a way to trick myself into not spending all my money and living pay day to pay day.
x
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