![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Shar on June 21, 2004, at 23:59:08
Please...
There are SO MANY of us [hold on, I'm checking whether or not Mercury is retrograde]....ok, it is not...feeling SO bad right now. What's going on? I always hope for a 'Bell Curve' or 'normal distribution' (statistically speaking) to help us stay in line. But...it seems like everybody is having a hard time...
Shar
Posted by NikkiT2 on June 22, 2004, at 6:09:35
In reply to Where IS everyone?!, posted by Shar on June 21, 2004, at 23:59:08
I'm returning slightly from my "PB Holiday".. I'm not feeling as aggresive now so think I can start talking to people again without facing a block!
In theory, things are better than ever in my life.. And I feel very very lucky to be in the position I am in right now.. I'm not suicidal which is wonderful.. but that also means I need to make plans for the future which is very scary.. I don't think people who haven't been suicidal can understand how scary NOT being suicidal can be!!! I never needed to really plan for the future as I wasn't going to ahve one.. but now I need to start facing up to things..
But I'm very excited about my new job.. I really hope I can live up to their expectations and make a success of this.
And I'm craving junk food *giggles* I htink thatd connected to the giving up of smoking.. but damn I want to eat rubbish food!! MacDonalds here I come!!!! (shhh, don't tell hubby!)!!
Hang in there everyone.. hang on tight... I'm sending lots of thoughts out to everyone..
Nikki xx
Posted by Racer on June 22, 2004, at 10:21:21
In reply to Re: Where IS everyone?! » Shar, posted by NikkiT2 on June 22, 2004, at 6:09:35
Here are a few things I've found better when I was craving and trying to quit smoking:
1. If you can find a store that stocks candy for diabetics, they often have a kind of sugar free gummy bears that is actually *better* than the regular kind. (Avoid any of their chocs, though, because they'll often cause diarrhea -- unless you enjoy that. Hey, to each her own, right?)
2. Hard candies like Tavener's Fruit Drops. They last a lot longer than a McDonald's meal, for many fewer calories and a lot less fat.
3. Those cheddar cheese popcorn treats are much yummier than one might imagine.
4. If you're gonna indulge in McDonald's, try having a nice, big glass of water with Metamucil (psyllium fiber) first. It doesn't make the food any better for you, but it does help keep your serum cholesterol down. Plus my theory is that it helps unclog your pipes, and so makes the Bad Things somewhat less bad.
5. Do you have those little Listerine pocket pack sheet things over there? They're actually quite good for quitting for me -- kinda like brushing my teeth every time I want a smoke. Brushing my teeth every time I want a cigarette helps, but it's not always practical, so I keep a pack of those in my purse. Believe it or not, it helps, both with the cigarette craving and the food cravings.
6. It helped me to take up something to do with my hands. There are these cute little loom thingies, kinda like the ones we mostly had as kids, called "Weavettes" and they make little squares of cloth. They're very portable, very easy to use -- you basically weave as you warp, which you'll understand if you get a set -- and at the end of the year you can give everyond (and I do think it means EVERYONE) in your life hand-woven face clothes for Christmas.
Let me know how it goes quitting. I would like to quit, but right now, the only way I can imagine it working is either spending the next six months in the hospital -- which is looking rather like a good idea about now -- or ending my life entirely -- which Shar has told me is not allowed.
As for the suicide/having to plan life thing, I think that's why I always keep suicide as a sort of back up plan. It may not be healthy, it may not be the desired outcome of therapy, but it's kept me going through some pretty dark days. Even now, it's still more of a back up plan that allows me to try to find a way through this. Planning what to do with the rest of my life right now is impossible, but that's because I'm in the middle of this hell. Other times, though, when things have been 'better' in many ways, it's allowed me to do things I'd never have had the courage to do if I'd planned on living to see the outcome.
Yes, I guess is my answer to your question about whether anyone else understands the idea that NOT being suicidal is pretty intimidating after having been suicidal.
Best luck, Nikki, and do keep us up to date on your quitting.
And for heaven's sake, woman! If you're going to indulge in something for craving's sake, make it worthwhile! Don't you silly Poms have ice cream sundaes???
Posted by NikkiT2 on June 22, 2004, at 14:49:43
In reply to Forget McDonald's » NikkiT2, posted by Racer on June 22, 2004, at 10:21:21
> Here are a few things I've found better when I was craving and trying to quit smoking:
>
> 1. If you can find a store that stocks candy for diabetics, they often have a kind of sugar free gummy bears that is actually *better* than the regular kind. (Avoid any of their chocs, though, because they'll often cause diarrhea -- unless you enjoy that. Hey, to each her own, right?)I've been looking everywhere for a sugar free sweet that doesn't contain aspartime / sacharin.. both make me really nauseas..
>
> 2. Hard candies like Tavener's Fruit Drops. They last a lot longer than a McDonald's meal, for many fewer calories and a lot less fat.I have some like that.. I stole then from the meeting i went to last Thursday *laughing* Its just that first one in the morning.. eurgh.. I always *need* that one!!
>
> 3. Those cheddar cheese popcorn treats are much yummier than one might imagine.*starts to gag* Oh gross *lol* It would be like skin flakes from my husbands feet!!
>
> 4. If you're gonna indulge in McDonald's, try having a nice, big glass of water with Metamucil (psyllium fiber) first. It doesn't make the food any better for you, but it does help keep your serum cholesterol down. Plus my theory is that it helps unclog your pipes, and so makes the Bad Things somewhat less bad.I only eat Macdonalds once, maybe twice a month.. and my cholesterol is actually very low.. i wish I could increase it to raise my blood pressure *l*
My real problem is carbs.. I am a true carb addict.. I would eat pasta for every meal if I was allowed!!
>
> 5. Do you have those little Listerine pocket pack sheet things over there? They're actually quite good for quitting for me -- kinda like brushing my teeth every time I want a smoke. Brushing my teeth every time I want a cigarette helps, but it's not always practical, so I keep a pack of those in my purse. Believe it or not, it helps, both with the cigarette craving and the food cravings.oooh.. thats an idea.. and as I'm home alot I can brush my teeth easily.. I'm going to try that tomorrow!!!!
>
> 6. It helped me to take up something to do with my hands. There are these cute little loom thingies, kinda like the ones we mostly had as kids, called "Weavettes" and they make little squares of cloth. They're very portable, very easy to use -- you basically weave as you warp, which you'll understand if you get a set -- and at the end of the year you can give everyond (and I do think it means EVERYONE) in your life hand-woven face clothes for Christmas.That sounds like fun even without quitting!!! I want to find one now!!!
>
> Let me know how it goes quitting. I would like to quit, but right now, the only way I can imagine it working is either spending the next six months in the hospital -- which is looking rather like a good idea about now -- or ending my life entirely -- which Shar has told me is not allowed.Smoking was the only thing we could do in hospital! We weren't meant to smoke in our rooms, but we all did, and we had a smoking room and a TV room.. I must have smoked 40 a day in there!
I'm backing Shar up and making sure you know you don't have my permission either. neither does Shar!
>
> As for the suicide/having to plan life thing, I think that's why I always keep suicide as a sort of back up plan. It may not be healthy, it may not be the desired outcome of therapy, but it's kept me going through some pretty dark days. Even now, it's still more of a back up plan that allows me to try to find a way through this. Planning what to do with the rest of my life right now is impossible, but that's because I'm in the middle of this hell. Other times, though, when things have been 'better' in many ways, it's allowed me to do things I'd never have had the courage to do if I'd planned on living to see the outcome.
>
> Yes, I guess is my answer to your question about whether anyone else understands the idea that NOT being suicidal is pretty intimidating after having been suicidal.It is strange.. and some of the things make me think I can't deal with them.. and my brain automatically does the "suicide" thought.. but I kick it up the [edit]bum[/edit] and try and rmeind myself I can deal.. or I just avoid the whole thing and pretend it will never happen!!
>
> Best luck, Nikki, and do keep us up to date on your quitting.
>
> And for heaven's sake, woman! If you're going to indulge in something for craving's sake, make it worthwhile! Don't you silly Poms have ice cream sundaes???There is this italian ice cream place opened up down the road.. but its ever so expensive.. £5.50 is the cheapest sundae!! Other than that.. nope *laughing*
Nikki xxx
Posted by Racer on June 22, 2004, at 16:11:32
In reply to Re: Forget McDonald's, posted by NikkiT2 on June 22, 2004, at 14:49:43
I think the suicide thoughts for me -- in better times -- are my version of "I'll think of it tomorrow", you know what I mean? After all, if this doesn't work out, I can always kill myself...
The problem is, when a crisis hits, the suicide-as-option becomes more of a suicide-as-priority. I'm suspecting that I'm explaining something here that everyone else already knows from the inside, of course, but sometimes hearing someone else's explanation clarifies things for me. So...
Anyway, this is that whole good point/bad point thing: while things are not at crisis-point, the suicide option actually seems kinda adaptive for me -- perverse being that I am. So, during the better times, I don't actually do anything to stop using it. That means, of course, that when a crisis hits -- well, you know.
I'm so very sorry, Nikki, that you don't live in such a sugar-obsessed, 'civilized' country like ours -- every corner and strip mall seems to have a place to get a cheap, sugar-heavy sundae. Hm... I think I read something recently about Americans becoming heavier, but I don't remember it saying anything about why that could be...
As for the sugar-free candies, I can't remember what the sweetener was, but it wasn't aspartame or saccharine. I'm thinking maybe maltrose? Whatever it was, I'm telling you -- those candies were GOOD. They were actually better, to my taste, than sugared candies. I get carb-happy, too, although I tend to go for crunchy/salty/spicy -- yes, but my husband swears up and down he only buys the Ruffles brand BBQ Potato Chips because the cat with kidney failure likes them so much, it's not to torture me or get more calories into me -- and if you're anything like me, another option for you might be Knorr Swiss boullion cubes. Cross my heart, they satisfy most of the carb cravings for me. (And you know what I'm thinking? Noa suggested water chestnuts for the crunch-craving, and they're great for that with a subtle flavor of their own -- I wonder if putting them into that boullion might be a great idea? Hmmm...)
Posted by NikkiT2 on June 22, 2004, at 16:34:40
In reply to S'OK, Miss Scarlett... » NikkiT2, posted by Racer on June 22, 2004, at 16:11:32
*giggles* My best friend is from the South and doe sthe BEST Scarlott O'Hara impression.. but boy is she not innocent *lol*
I do know that feeling.. I was there for so long (and I am not passing on my coping mechanism! Its not healthy!)..
I'm fat.. not in my mind so but really so.. *takes deep breath* I am 5ft2 and weight 218lbs. I eat way too much cheese, way too many carbs, drink much too little water, and don't exercise anywhere near enough.. but I'm weak. When i go out, I like to have a small treat by having some lunch.. and it really really annoys me that my only fast food option generally is a macdonalds or burger king.. We have a lovely chain of coffee / sandwich bars called Pret a Manger, but its so expensive.. over £5 for a salad and coffee.. THe mini shopping mall I tend to use has some great fast food outlets - healthy wraps, a soup place, a bagel place.. but none of those places have seating.. and the mall has no seating!! And being England, the weather isn't great much of the time to sit outside.. That bugs me!!
Ah.. spicy crispy crunchy.. Bombay Mix!!!! I adore Bombay Mix and swear I could live on it *lol*
And regarding Swiss Bullion Cubes and water chestnuts.. would work fab.. I do a Thai soup that has both of those in!! And they both appear in my Laksa recipe!! I could come and be your personal chef.. rustle you up yummy food when ever you want it!!!
Oh.. heavens.. I was on TV last week!! yes, a social phobic was on TV!!
You;ve probably heard of the series Big Brother?? The reality TV thing.. well, I'm a sad addict, and went on a panel show friday regarding it!!! I was on TV.. my friend sitting next to me made a comment, and the camera zoomed right into the side of my face!! Another friend was watching live and the little dear (*coughs*) took a photo of the TV screen!! *laughing*
God knows what my therapist will say about a social phobic patient appearing on TV *lol*My life feels like its someone elses at the moment!!
Nikki xx
ps - now I have an urge to watch Gone with the Wind!!!! I think I shall add it to my reading list!!!
Posted by Racer on June 22, 2004, at 17:58:19
In reply to Fiddle-dee-dee » Racer, posted by NikkiT2 on June 22, 2004, at 16:34:40
Too funny -- and I know the feeling that the life you're currently living isn't your own. It is odd, but not necessarily bad. Your story of being on TV is one of those -- yes, I think I can put myself into your skin in the sense of not being able to believe it's really happening to you. (Actually, I think it is that very sense that it's *not* happening to *you* that makes it possible. Hm... Another topic for musing on at some point...)
For some reason, I really can't settle down at all today. It's very distressing, and probably explains why I've posted so much here today -- I'm just not able to settle down to anything else.
Anyway, don't allow yourself to use "weakness" as the excuse for being a different weight than might be closer to some ideal. You know what? The drugs do change your metabolism, and not for the better. And you know what else? If it was just a question of some sort of strength, NO ONE would EVER be anything other than slim and fit. Get that? Now go beat yourself over the head for a while until it sinks in that it's not just some sort of weakness, then come back and read the rest of this, 'K?
Yeah, weight is a terrible issue, made worse by the both the corporate profit thing that makes the least healthy choices the easiest and most convenient, and by that whole "fashion model" thing. Believe me, I could write more than you'd ever want to read on *that* subject. (And for this I truly apologize: I realize how painful it can be to hear the best-meant words about weight from someone with a different problem with it. I wish I could tell it to you in a way that could truly show how much I mean it as caring, and not anything less genuine. I hope I come close.)
Ironically, I'm a pretty good cook -- and most of what I cook really, really well and really, REALLY love to eat is -- shall we say -- Not Waistline Friendly. My family comes from Hungary, and Hungarian food -- as we all know -- is the most delicious food on earth. I also love and crave pasta, and potatoes are my friends. In fact, potatoes are some of my best friends -- from potato bread to potato soup to potato chips to fried potatoes of any sort to just plain mashed potatoes. {{sigh}} (Here's a funny Racer's Mom story for ya: when I was a kid, my mother told me once, as she served the potatoes for dinner, that she had come to a revelatory conclusion as a teenager on a diet: "it's OK to eat potatoes when you're on a diet -- they're good for you and they're not really fattening." In other words, Mom likes potatoes, too...)
About the water, though: long story short, water really is good for you. I never used to drink enough of it, either, but I'm drinking it now. For one thing, I buy bottled water, so it's very convenient and that makes a huge difference. The other thing I did, when I used to take frozen bottles of water to work every day in order to have something cool to drink (working outside, and in very, very hot weather at times), is I'd add a bit of lemon juice to the water before freezing it. It was probably my imagination, but it seemed to cut my thirst a lot better, and it certainly tasted nicer. Now I just drink it plain -- probably a case of not quite having it in me to do more than just grab a bottle out of the fridge...
Thanks for so much interaction today, Nikki. I really needed it, and you're very entertaining. I'm enjoying it a great deal.
(Now for my reality TV story, which isn't nearly as good as yours: dunno if you saw any of Survivor Africa or the Allstars series? The guy with all the tattoos, Lex? There's no way in hell he'd remember me, because I limited my interactions with him a LOT, but I knew him 15 years ago when he was in a band with a buddy of mine. I will never forget him, though, because he was the most physically beautiful man I'd ever seen in my life. He was one of those people whom you absolutely could not take your eyes off of, no matter how embarrassing it might be to be caught staring. The tattoos always bothered me, but honestly -- I had never and have rarely since EVER seen someone as simply, spectacularly, stunningly beautiful as he was at that time. I can't define what changed about him, it hardly seems possible that time alone could be responsible, but he hardly looked like the same person when I tuned in one evening to look at him. Like I said, not nearly as good as yours, but it is a reality tv story of sorts...)
Thanks again, Nikki.
Posted by NikkiT2 on June 23, 2004, at 5:50:56
In reply to Oh, la! » NikkiT2, posted by Racer on June 22, 2004, at 17:58:19
Ah.. as you say, tomorrow is another day.. and now I'm in tomorrow *l*
Sorry for the delay.. I needed my beauty *coughs* sleep!!I'm quite enjoying this feeling to tell the truth.. things just seem to be.. working out right now!!!
That unable to settle feeling is horrid.. for me it tends to be caused by anxiety.. that antsy fidgity feeling..
As for weight.. Just because you're at the opposite end of the weight spectrum to me, doesn't mean you don't understand the feelings that comes with it.. And I know an awful lot of my weight gain has been med related.. When I married 4 years ago I looked fantastic.. my perfect size.. And I have lost nearly 45lb so far since stopping meds!the water thing.. the lemon juice makes PERFECT sense!!! I just don't find water thirst quenching! And it gives me bad breath.. seriously!! I tend to put squash (fruit cordial if you know what that is!) in it.. but my favourite one (pink grapefruit high juice.. no added sweeteners) has just suddenly stopped being stocked evrywhere.. its so frustrating!!! And finding a nice replacement with no artificial sweeteners in is a nightmare (have I mentioned how I detest artificial sweeteners!!)
Oooh.. potatoes.. I *DETEST* mashed potato (do you think that is uncivil to mashed potato??!).. I was force fed it as a child.. EURGH!! But any other sort of potato is just fab!! And my mum was the same.. potatoes are good for you, and you need potatoes with every meal *l* I think it was a dofferent mind set "back then" as people didn't know how bad carbs were for you..
Wanna swap some pasta recipes??!! (if you have any yummy vegie ones!!).. my current fave is something we had in Thailand (yeah, I know.. but there was this fantastic italian restaurant owned and run by two Italians!).. Gnocchi Sorentina.. Gnocchi in a thick roasted vegetable and tomato sauce, topped with mozzerella and baked in oven.. HEAVEN!!!
Tonight I'm doing mexican (ish).. refried beans, salsa, pickled chillis and some smoked cheddar, wrapped in a soft corn tortilla and baked in oven, and served with soured cream over it!!! Is one of hubbies faves!!We don't get the US survivor here.. but you can bet I shall be looking for pics of this guy (and I find tatoos soooo sexy!!!)! The first ever survivor was on this little island off the West Coast of Borneo.. when we went there was just after it was filmed, and we went to the little tiny deserted little island next to it for a day and we could see the survivor island!!! That was exciting *l*
And.. I'm not very good at the whole support thing really.. I can never find the right words.. But I can ramble on about nothing for hours!!!
Hope today is feeling not toooo bad..
Nikki xxx
Posted by Racer on June 23, 2004, at 12:25:54
In reply to Re: Oh, la! » Racer, posted by NikkiT2 on June 23, 2004, at 5:50:56
OK, this is my veggie potato gnocchi:
Peel, chop and boil some potatoes until they're tender, and run through a ricer. (I suppose you can mash them, but I have a ricer and it does seem to make a difference in texture. A sieve would probably work, or a coarse mesh strainer?) Put 'em in a bowl about twice the size you think you'll need. (Scientific accuracy is my specialty, thank you very much.) Beat two whole eggs (for about four medium potatoes) and mix in. Now start adding flour, a bit at a time, and mixing it in. If you can find good, coarse, hard milled semolina pasta flour, MUCH better. You've added enough flour when it sticks together in a firmish but not dry lump. At this stage, it's oh-so-appealing.
Now you make it into the dumplings. Classic Italian is to roll out logs of dough, chop off about an inch, and then shape it with a fork for that lovely scallop. Ask me if I can ever be bothered to do all that? Make lumps in any way that works for you, about an inch in size. (When you're working with this dough, flour your surface and your hands. You actually want just the lightest coating of flour on the little gems before cooking.) Put them aside for an hour or so, while you work on the other stuff.
Get the sauce ingredients prepared before putting the gnocchi in to cook, because they cook fast. Unless you also have six arms -- just prepare the sauce stuff first, and don't ask me how I know this.
For four potatoes, I use about six mid-sized tomatoes -- Roma are the yummiest for this, I've found, although any will do. Peel 'em if you have the patience, although it's OK not to -- just better if you do. Scoop our the cores and seeds, chop into big chunks. Chop a small to medium yellow onion, and CHOP a clove or three of garlic -- depending on taste. (Pressing the garlic changes this, somehow. Can't say quite what the difference is, but this is one recipe that I chop for, rather than pressing.) Get out some FRESH basil leaves -- again, to taste, but be generous. A bit of red pepper -- the hot kind, like cayenne, not sweet capsicum, although adding some chopped capsicum sounds like it would be good, too.
Now, you've got that big ol' pot of water boiling away, right? And you've got your skillet on another burner, right? (Biggish skillet, but you're not feeding an *entire* army here, right? You just want to be able to stir without making a mess on the top of the stove.) Into the skillet, put about a tablespoon of butter, and a bit more than that of olive oil. (The stronger flavors, like the Extra Virgin are good for this, too. The subtle flavors blending are good.) So, when the butter is melted, you throw in those onions and garlic, and just saute a bit, until they're soft. Add the tomatoes (and capsicum, if you decide to try it, in which case you're duty bound to tell me how it works out), and the basil leaves. (Nope, no dried basil for this.) Cook it until it looks like a sauce made of chunks of tomato -- not like tomato sauce, if you know what I mean.
The gnocchi will be boiled by this time, because you will not have forgotten -- as I did -- to deal with them, right? Not too many at once, because they don't cook right if they're crowded. They don't take long to cook, and they're usually done when they float -- but sometimes the little buggers fool you, so cut one in half and check to see that it's really done. You'll be doing one of those assembly line things -- putting in some gnocchi, scooping out the floaters into a holding dish, and adding new gnocchi, pretty much constantly. The good news is that they taste so good I always think the effort is worth it. Keep the little darlings warm, then pour the hot, chunky tomato mixture over them and dig in.
There. Now, any questions on why I'll never write a cookbook? (And if you think I'm bad, you should see my grandmother's and greatgrandmother's recipe cards! No amounts for ingredients, but things like "beat 30 strokes with a wooden spoon"!!!)
There's your pasta recipe. Additional advice: make it on a weekend, and find a cute guy to peel them spuds ;-)
Posted by NikkiT2 on June 23, 2004, at 13:58:08
In reply to Pasta recipe? But it's POTATO gnocchi... » NikkiT2, posted by Racer on June 23, 2004, at 12:25:54
Potato AND gnocchi in one recipe?? *giggles*
I've always bought my gnocchi from the supermarkets fresh section.. *hangs head in shame* I have never made any kind of pasta from fresh.. I make the sauces etc, but I have never actually made the pasta..
But gnocchi sounds simpler!! I might have the give that a try.. and the rest sound awesome!!! That could be sundays dinner sorted *lol*I'm really really enjoying the book I'm reading at the moment (posted about it on PB Books.. really lighthearted fun books!) so I'm off for a really long bubble bath and read!! Slept funny last night and have shooting pains from my next (left hand side) ride down my arm and chest.. nerve like pain) so hoping a bath will ease it!
Hope your weather is good.. its Wimbledon fortnight over here, so is, ofcourse, raining!!!
Nikki xx
Posted by Racer on June 23, 2004, at 16:16:13
In reply to Oh My!! » Racer, posted by NikkiT2 on June 23, 2004, at 13:58:08
To make the gnocchi, I use the same method my grandmother used for her special noodles -- which my naughty cousin calls "stucco balls" and I call delightful.
Once you have the dough ready, put it on a chopping board, spread out to about 1/2 to 3/4 of an inch thick. Then, with a longish knife, cut a strip about the same width as the thickness, and chop pieces off directly into the water. It's not "Traditional" for gnocchi, but it works and it's pretty fast.
Now, again, I LOVE potatoes, and I love pasta, so the first time I ever had potato gnocchi it was a total revelation. Absolute heaven. And it really is easy to make -- although pretty time consuming. Most of it, of course, is the boiling of the potatoes, etc, though. If you do try it, let me know how it works out for you, 'K?
Posted by NikkiT2 on June 24, 2004, at 13:52:11
In reply to LOL! Here's the easy way: » NikkiT2, posted by Racer on June 23, 2004, at 16:16:13
We've never really.. interacted before this past few weeks.. we've talked in passing, but not really "talked".. You've mentioned this on social I think, that this side of me has come out.. and here is a ponderance on that..
Firstly, I'm not very confident, or good at, the whole "oh poor you, I'm sorry you feel so bad, heres how you can feel better" thing.. I feel really Polly Anna so much of the time when I do that, and never feel as useful as anyone else. Shar is so mind blowingly brilliant at it I kind of leave it to her..
Another thing, and I can't work out why, but I've always been kinda scared of you! Stupid I know! Maybe scared isn't right word.. but intimidated.. You, what ever you may think of yourself, exude a real strength of character that I would love to possess. I realise this could be your "armour" to protect yourself, but I've always felt that you would dismiss me.. The only way I can think of the explain it is like the class geek being afraid of approaching a cheerleader.
But I've had alot of fun in our recent chats!! You've really perked up a side of me I like.. Zenhussy is always good at doing that too!
And, it makes me realise, that while I am bad at the support side, I do have other strengths - and being able to talk at length about utter c**p and make people temporarily forget their pain is one of those!!
Do you look like Zen?? Cos I imagine you two sooo similar in the flesh!!!
*grinning*
Nikki x
Posted by Racer on June 24, 2004, at 14:33:47
In reply to A Pooh like ponder » Racer, posted by NikkiT2 on June 24, 2004, at 13:52:11
You know something? You're absolutely right -- I do armour myself pretty heavily, and even though I'm not aware of doing it, what you said makes sense to me. And right now I'm in a place where I need the sort of 'conversations' we've been having. Guess it's timing, eh?
The funniest thing is that I'm the 'class outcast' who couldn't talk to the 'cheerleaders' myself. It used to shock me when people said they felt intimidated by me, but I've learned enough by now to understand it better. Y'all just cain't see what a scairdycat's inside my shell!
And it's funny you brought it up today -- I was thinking about yesterday's therapy session this morning, and used "eggshell" as the analogy that worked for what I was feeling. Yesterday, I could *say* a lot of it, but I was still protecting me from actually feeling any of it. What I feel like is a blown eggshell. It may look solid, but the tiniest blow would destroy it. (Although you may have better nourished chickens over there, with more solid shells. Ours over here have particularly fragile shells.)
Guess you can think of me as wearing faux armour, huh?
Thanks for telling me that, by the way. Dunno why, but it kinda helped. (My second attempt at that same process in Access failed MISERABLY, by the way. Today is not looking like a Good Brain Day, nor a Good Productivity Day.) Maybe just on accounta I like the word "ponder"
I know I've told this story before, but years back I worked in a huge law firm. One of the attorneys used to enter "pondering" on his time sheets. The bills would go to the clients with things like, "30 minutes -- drafting brief
15 minutes -- drafting letters of intent
45 minutes -- pondering"He was a character, and that "pondering" alone gave me a great feeling of affection for him, although we never had much in person contact.
And I don't look like Miss Zen -- taller, and got huge [insert your choice of slang terms for the most prominent female sexual characteristics located on the upper torso here] and a nose with "character" -- although my "little cousin" (6'6" tall, about 260 pounds or so) says it has a full cast! She's quite pretty, I'm more what is sometimes called a 'handsome woman' -- you're a reader, you know what that means...
This is the end of the thread.
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