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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by Deneb on January 23, 2007, at 18:33:09
In reply to Re: Please tell me my life isn't ruined, posted by laima on January 23, 2007, at 17:58:53
> Not ruined!!! How do you feel about the two classes? If you can do them, and do them alright, you'll be in a plum position to pick up again next fall perhaps? Re-steadied, and ready to go. I wouldn't do them if you are without any faith in being able to do them well, I think you'd end up feeling worse in that case. If you drop out, you'll have to apply to community college, next fall or whenever you are ready, do alright there, and perhaps then reapply to university later. In any case, you've got options. You've got options. You don't have to do college right now, right on schedule. Lots of people don't, as I'm sure you know. You could even do better later, when you are ready and certain. I'm sorry your doctor is dissapointed in you. Perhaps you can think of this as you are regulating your level of stress. Good luck.
Right now I plan on doing my two classes and community college at the same time. Class starts Jan. 29th. If community college is structured I think I will do well.
I'm just so stressed right now!! I thought of calling the distress centre, but what would I say?
Deneb*
Posted by zazenduckie on January 23, 2007, at 19:20:43
In reply to Re: Please tell me my life isn't ruined » laima, posted by Deneb on January 23, 2007, at 18:33:09
>
> I'm just so stressed right now!! I thought of calling the distress centre, but what would I say?
>
Just say I feel distressed and upset about school. They'll ask you questions and you can talk about what's bothering you. If it isn't helping you can just say Thanks and hang up. You can tell us how it went and if it helped. I'm not pressuring you and of course you should do whatever you think is best :)
Posted by TexasChic on January 23, 2007, at 19:25:15
In reply to Re: Please tell me my life isn't ruined » laima, posted by Deneb on January 23, 2007, at 18:33:09
You only have 6 classes left??? Girl, that's un-freaking-believable! I'm 36 and have been going to college off and on all my adult life and I'm nowhere near close to being done. I think you are doing much better than you realize. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with Community College. Usually the classes are smaller and the teacher has more time to help you. I don't know what your major is, but unless you're trying to be some big time lawyer who needs a degree from an Ivy League school or something, where you get your degree doesn't really matter all that much. Especially now days when everyone's taking classes online and everything.
You know, even if you were to take one class a semester, you would be done in a few years and way ahead of alot of other people (including myself). Don't be so hard on yourself! I had no idea you were so close to finishing! I'm so proud of you! No matter what you do for the rest of your life, you have accomplished what many many people won't in a lifetime. Be proud!
And if you need to take some time off, just get you a job at MickyD's for a few months to give your brain a break from school. Working fast food or retail can be very humbling. You may find yourself running back to college!
-T
Posted by Kath on January 23, 2007, at 19:27:07
In reply to Re: Please tell me my life isn't ruined » laima, posted by Deneb on January 23, 2007, at 18:33:09
Hi Deneb,
If you call a Distress Line, you just do what you'd do here. You tell them what's happening in your life that's stressing you & you tell them how you're feeling.
You don't need to do it 'right'. They're trained in helping people & they will know how to talk with you to help you feel better.
Please don't ever stress about calling them, OK?
That's what they're there for. They hear people talk about all kinds of things.
Lately I've called lots of times. Sometimes I'm really upset; sometimes I'm just sort of stressed.
Don't hesitate to call them. You can even say that it's your first time calling & you feel uncertain/uncomfortable/embarrassed or whatever.
There's no right or wrong way to talk when you call.
I'm glad you thought of calling them! Good for you.
hugs, Kath
Posted by Kath on January 23, 2007, at 19:30:37
In reply to Re: Please tell me my life isn't ruined » laima, posted by Deneb on January 23, 2007, at 18:33:09
PS Deneb,
There's nothing wrong with college. Sounds like the structure of it really appeals to you. I don't know much about it, but I get the impression that community college can give you really practical training....I wonder if that might even make it easier to get a job afterwards.
As someone just suggested to me: deep breaths!!!
luv, Kath
Posted by Deneb on January 23, 2007, at 19:30:42
In reply to Re: Please tell me my life isn't ruined » laima, posted by Deneb on January 23, 2007, at 18:33:09
I don't know what to do. My Mom said I shouldn't go to college. I'm going to cancel that plan. Who am I kidding, being a pharm tech? Where will that lead me?
But I've already dropped my courses. My life is over. I don't want to do anything anymore. I don't want to live anymore! I want to kill myself, I wish I could see Bob one more time before I die.
It's too stressful. I can't handle this. I just want to die.
I love you all. I don't think I can handle this. I'm sorry.
Posted by Jay on January 23, 2007, at 19:43:18
In reply to Please tell me my life isn't ruined, posted by Deneb on January 23, 2007, at 17:07:48
Hi Deneb....
Maybe your best bet is to go see a career counsellor at a community college. If you are thinking of going to a "private" college (DeVry, etc), they are very costly and, here in Canada, not as reputable as certified community colleges of applied arts and technology. I dropped out of a masters level university program last Fall and have just started a community college program in Child and Youth Work. I am also doing a "field placement". I don't get paid for this, but get this...I work with people who have their master's degree in social work, and even before I graduate, when I am out of school for the summer, they said they will *absolutely* hire me full-time. Then, when I go back to school in the Fall, I will go part-time. A couple of other suggestions: maybe look into a trade? Many women are in the skilled trades now, and they make damn good money! Or, you may have to take a bit of university combined with college, there is Nursing. But, first, go talk to a good career counsellor about this. I wouldn't go to the university one, because they just want your money...they don't care if you get a job or not. Good luck...Jay
Posted by TexasChic on January 23, 2007, at 19:43:59
In reply to Re: Please tell me my life isn't ruined *triggers*, posted by Deneb on January 23, 2007, at 19:30:42
Girl, call that distress line! You need to talk to someone in person.
Did you get the email I sent you the other day?
-T
Posted by Kath on January 23, 2007, at 20:08:45
In reply to Re: Please tell me my life isn't ruined *triggers*, posted by Deneb on January 23, 2007, at 19:30:42
Hey Deneb,
Are you here right now? Wondered if you want to BabbleChat.
You don't need to decide right this minute what to do.
I hear that you feel awful.
Keep in mind please that you can call the distress line. No pressure, but I hear you feeling awful. Maybe they could help you feel better. Hope you'll try it hun,
love Kath
Posted by Kath on January 23, 2007, at 20:10:20
In reply to Re: Please tell me my life isn't ruined » Deneb, posted by Jay on January 23, 2007, at 19:43:18
Good thoughts Jay
Hey that's great about them hiring you!
hugs, Kath
how's your Dad
Posted by Deneb on January 23, 2007, at 20:19:35
In reply to Re: Please tell me my life isn't ruined *triggers*, posted by Deneb on January 23, 2007, at 19:30:42
I don't want to die.
I just wish I were dead. I don't want to deal with this anymore. I can't handle this.
I don't want to deal with school, with jobs, with life. I don't want to deal with life. I can't handle it. I wish I could just end it now. I want to kill myself and roam the universe as a spirit. I could visit all my babbler friends. I could visit Bob. I would inhabit different people and live through them.
My Mom would be devastated. Llurpsie would be devastated. Lots of people would miss me. I don't want to hurt them. I hate this.
Deneb*
Posted by Llurpsie_Noodle on January 23, 2007, at 21:12:52
In reply to Re: Please tell me my life isn't ruined *triggers* » Deneb, posted by TexasChic on January 23, 2007, at 19:43:59
Hey Deneb,
One of my relatives (close relatives) is a very smart guy and he went off to college and got a little too involved in difficult courses, and his fraternity (social) life. The two did not mix well, and he got kicked out of school.Came back to live with mom and dad (having graduated with SAT = 1600 2 years before) and was not even admitted to the State Uni that had given him 75% scholarship 2 years before.
Ouch
He took community college courses over the summer and the next fall (2 terms) and got his GPA up to a level where the state Uni would accept him. He changed his major to something that came more naturally to him and graduated with honors only 1 year late.
I urge you not to give up on your dream of graduating with a Uni degree. You are clearly capable of it, but your life is a little chaotic right now for you to pull yourself together and give your studies your best effort.
Me and my T have been talking recently about creating "compartments" for the different things that I do in my life. I have a "compartment" for taking care of accounting and business matters (monday afternoons). I have a "compartment" for doing my dissertation research (two hours a day, M-F, and ideally 9-5 (or 10-4) presence in the office to deal with school stuff, like attending lectures and lab meetings. I have a "compartment" for quality time with my husband (currently limited to our evening phone calls and 2x monthly visits boohoo). And a "compartment" for dealing with my family (therapy for the heavy stuff) and I call my folks 1 or 2x a month.
I'm starting to learn that I don't have to operate under conditions of chronic anxiety and distress. I'm starting to learn that if I let different aspects of my life contaminate other aspects, I end up as a multi-tasking stressed out bitch, or worse- hiding from the world with dreams of ending my life.
So, yes-- there are other ways to live your life. You can do pretty much whatever you want. You can even work at the shoe museum selling postcards to tourists with Mandarin surnames, for instance... Or learning to count cards in blackjack and join a ring of professional covert gamblers.
Deneb, the world is your oyster (go out and catch some). Think of the opportunities you have, and not of the bridges you mistakenly believe that you have burned. You've actually got a lot of talents and skills that you don't appreciate right now, because your life is too contaminated by failure (as defined by Deneb's skewed view of the world). You are ANYTHING but a failure. You are a smart, talented, resourceful, youthful, and kind person.
Personally, I think you'd make a great travel-writer for the youth-hostel set. I thought your accounts of the trip to Toronto were very evocative and entertaining (that was, like, the 2nd or 3rd week I was on babble, and I thought it must be an AWESOME place if someone cool like Deneb was writing about her solo trip to the big city to meet the man himself!)
-Ll
Posted by laima on January 23, 2007, at 22:06:30
In reply to Re: Please tell me my life isn't ruined » laima, posted by Deneb on January 23, 2007, at 18:33:09
Great! You have a plan. Now, if you believe in yourself and the plan, you are set! That's key, I've found in my own fumblings- without a coherent explanation, just for self, about what you are doing, it gets murky and wishy-washy, quick. If you got your plan, it's like a beacon. You have to believe in what you are doing, after all. That's so important! I hope this doesn't sound dumb, but have you had chance to assess why you are choosing to drop the two you are dropping? I ask, because I wonder if there is something constructive you can learn from this and take for yourself. For one thing, that could help you avoid a repeat of the same play out of events in the future, and for another, you can relish knowing what you've learned about yourself. Ie- did you learn that a major you may have considered is actually not what you hoped? Realize it is not for you? Is it a partiular type of instructor? Have you learned anything about your prefered work-load? Hang in there, Deneb! When you sort things out and get into classes you love, I bet anything things will go much better!!!! If you are still taking general requirements, well, some of those can be a drag. Some people do those at community college, and then transfer to university when it's time for a major. A community college can be a good place to boost your total gpa.
Is the distress center with either school? Well, regardless, why not just say you are making/made a big life decision, and feel uneasy and very stressed about your descision, then tell them the story. That seems reasonable. And if the distress center is with one of the schools, even better! I am certain they'd have PLENTY of experience about just this sort of topic, and all kinds of ideas and true stories to share.
I think such big descisions almost always cause lots of stress, especially if you have doubters around you. The doubters may sincerely mean well- but may be projecting their own fears onto you unfairly. They may be reacting in the best way they know how, to the best of their abilities.
> Right now I plan on doing my two classes and community college at the same time. Class starts Jan. 29th. If community college is structured I think I will do well.
>
> I'm just so stressed right now!! I thought of calling the distress centre, but what would I say?
>
> Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on January 23, 2007, at 22:11:54
In reply to Re: Please tell me my life isn't ruined, posted by laima on January 23, 2007, at 22:06:30
I'm going to sleep now. Hopefully when I wake up things will be better. I love sleep. Peaceful, restful sleep. No stress. Just sleep.
Posted by laima on January 23, 2007, at 22:18:24
In reply to Re: Please tell me my life isn't ruined *triggers*, posted by Deneb on January 23, 2007, at 19:30:42
Deneb, the therapist I had during college gave me some good advice when I fretted to no end over my mother's meddling, threats, and advice: "Remember, she doesn't get two lives and you none". She suggested that when my mother raged at me, to calmly listen, and instead of arguing, just say, "oh- very interesting. oh, I see. oh, I'll think about it..." etc. Before you know it, the anger is diffused, because you're not fueling it. Does that make sense? So you take the fun out of the threats and any yelling. Your mother may think that what you are doing measn you've ruined college, and it means so much to her she's trying maybe to convince you, too? But we'd like to convince you otherwise. Eventually, if you stick to believing your mission, there will be a glorious time where she will actually be sheepishly pleased to find that she was quite wrong. It really does sound like she badly wants the best for you, no matter how she's expressing. She's probably expressing herself the way she learned to. If she didn't care at all, would she not ignore you, not care what you do? I think it's hard for a college age person to live at home. Any hope to look forward to a dorm? Maybe you can petition for a single room, if you like. I got one easily at my large public uni- because my psychiatrist wrote a note saying I needed it for my mental health! That way, in the dorm, you'd spend more time with peers, and it could help ease the separation with mom. AND, dorms are pretty supervised, which should soothe apprehensions your mom might have. And they can be so fun and sociable! I think you might like it.
Posted by laima on January 23, 2007, at 22:20:07
In reply to Re: Please tell me my life isn't ruined, posted by Deneb on January 23, 2007, at 22:11:54
> I'm going to sleep now. Hopefully when I wake up things will be better. I love sleep. Peaceful, restful sleep. No stress. Just sleep.
It's often a great thing to do. Sleep well, Deneb.
Posted by Gee on January 23, 2007, at 22:41:25
In reply to Re: Please tell me my life isn't ruined, posted by Deneb on January 23, 2007, at 22:11:54
If I were you, I would go to community college. I really don't think it'll be all that different from University, and you're courses will transfer back over to uni after one year. Why not start as a pharmtec? And I don't understand why you're not doing it just because your mom doesn't think it's a good idea... when did that stop you before? Plus, you only need 6 more classes!!!!!! YOU are so close to being done! Dont' let this stop you!
Posted by Phillipa on January 23, 2007, at 22:46:42
In reply to Re: Please tell me my life isn't ruined » Deneb, posted by Gee on January 23, 2007, at 22:41:25
I agree try Community College for the rest of the year as you say you do better in a stuctured enviorment which you say is there. Sleep well you'll feel better tomorrow. Love Phillipa
Posted by one woman cine on January 24, 2007, at 7:36:03
In reply to Re: Please tell me my life isn't ruined *triggers* » Deneb, posted by laima on January 23, 2007, at 22:18:24
""Remember, she doesn't get two lives and you none"."
That's an awesome quote - sage advice in a situation like that.
Posted by laima on January 24, 2007, at 9:08:56
In reply to hey laima -, posted by one woman cine on January 24, 2007, at 7:36:03
> ""Remember, she doesn't get two lives and you none"."
>
> That's an awesome quote - sage advice in a situation like that.That was a gem from a therapist I adored! I never forgot it, thought it over many times over the years, since. Some background- she postulated that my mom cared SO much in her own way, that she sort of wanted to mold me up into the way she would do things...if that makes sense. She decided what was best, per her, and would stop at nothing to ensure I turned out "best". She wasn't comfortable with daughter being separate and autonomous being. She took personally everything daughter did, experienced...as if it reflected on HER. She wanted to make the decisions, the selections, have control over image, clothing, everything. I was her project, in a way. That leads into why I hypothesise a modest move, like into a dorm, might not be beneficial for Deneb, as it was for me. Helps moms get used to idea of normal and age appropriate separation, too.
Posted by one woman cine on January 24, 2007, at 9:49:42
In reply to Re: hey laima - » one woman cine, posted by laima on January 24, 2007, at 9:08:56
It's funny how good advice sticks in your mind - it does for me too....
Posted by Deneb on January 24, 2007, at 15:32:52
In reply to Re: hey laima -, posted by one woman cine on January 24, 2007, at 9:49:42
My Mom is worried about me and she has reason to be worried. She came into my room last night and told me to not think about things too much. My Dad just came to me and asked me if I was happy and wouldn't leave me alone until I said Yes.
I have a quiz tomorrow and I haven't started studying for it.
I just found out my Mom didn't get rid of the aspirin I bought.
I don't want to deal with life anymore.
I wish my Dad had to work today.
Posted by Kath on January 24, 2007, at 16:05:00
In reply to My Mom is worried about me *trigger*, posted by Deneb on January 24, 2007, at 15:32:52
> My Mom is worried about me and she has reason to be worried. She came into my room last night and told me to not think about things too much. My Dad just came to me and asked me if I was happy and wouldn't leave me alone until I said Yes.
>
> I have a quiz tomorrow and I haven't started studying for it.********Sorry you're stressed Deneb. Are there any fellow-students who you might study with? Just wondered if there's anyone who you might ask each other questions back & forth.
Sounds like your parents love you, care about you & really want you to feel better. I think that we human beings can find it really awkward to know how to help those we love feel better. Some of us are better at it than others. I know that I can speak as a parent who is really scared for my son's well-being. Sometimes I don't know what to say to him or 'how to be' with him..I'm afraid I'll say something that will make him feel worse. What I'm hearing is that your parents really do care. I bet that, in itself, could make a person feel pretty stressed *****
> I just found out my Mom didn't get rid of the aspirin I bought.
******How does that make you feel? Maybe she just kept them in case someone gets a headache so they can be used in the intended way?*****
> I don't want to deal with life anymore.
>
> I wish my Dad had to work today.
*****I hear ya. I'm sorry you're feeling awful. I admire that you're doing school....I don't think I possibly could. High school was all I could take!!!
I think that: 'I don't want to deal with life anymore' is a perfectly suitable reason to call your Distress Line if you want to. They're there for those of us who have feelings that we just CANNOT or DON'T WANT to cope any more, as well as people who are just generally feeling pretty upset.(((((((((you))))))))) If you're feeling badly, I hope you give it a try. Let me know, if you do. I found it helped me. Sometimes more than others, but always it helped somewhat.
I send love, Kath
Posted by Deneb on January 24, 2007, at 17:04:26
In reply to Re: My Mom is worried about me *trigger* » Deneb, posted by Kath on January 24, 2007, at 16:05:00
(((((((((((Kath))))))))))))
thanks for writing to me. You make me feel less alone.
I just took a bath to forget my troubles. I feel a little better.
((((((((((((((Babblers))))))))))))))))
I can't deal with life right now. I'm going to shut down for a while. I'm going to OD tomorrow. I can't deal right now. I can't deal with life. If I die, I'll die, if I don't, I don't.
((((((((((Everyone))))))))))))
I need to escape life right now.
Posted by anneke06 on January 24, 2007, at 17:17:54
In reply to Re: My Mom is worried about me *trigger*, posted by Deneb on January 24, 2007, at 17:04:26
Deneb,
We've chatted a few times in chat...don't get there that often and don't post that often, but I've been reading your posts and wanted to respond.
Sometimes I have what my therapist and I call an "hour by hour" kind of day, and sometimes even "minute by minute" kind of days. I've not been suicidal, but I do deal with strong urges to hurt myself. It sounds to me like you've been having a lot of "hour by hour" days...I hope you can keep reaching out to Babblers or to your family or to your p-doc or to a crisis line or to your bubble bath (!) for help. All of those things are really, really good. Other things that help me are journaling, drawing, hot chocolate, talking to friends (not about how I'm feeling necessarily, but just connecting somehow with someone), e-mailing or calling my therapist (it's really OK with a lot them...you might want to check that out with yours), eating comfort foods (my favorite is potato soup...go figure!), and just curling up in a soft blanket and letting myself "be". My t is also fond of reminding me that feelings just are...and if we give them a little time and space, they'll pass away.
I don't know if any of this seems helpful, but I hope it lets you know you're not alone in your struggles.
When do you see your p-doc/therapist next? I hope you'll let her know how badly you're feeling right now...maybe your meds needs some tweaking??
Hang in there....
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