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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 33. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Jay on April 20, 2006, at 20:39:51
One of the major hurtals as I have come a bit closer to talking to female potential webdates, is how do I tell them I've spent the last 8-9 years in depression and anxiety..add in some BP??
Eventually...actually sooner...it will come out, because it's just part of general comments. I live with my folks...I don't have a car yet...even though I will have these things in a couple of years...I don't wanna wait. So, should I just make up a story, like I had some illness that kept me in and out of the hospital for the past 8-9 years? How do I explain living with my folks! (My Mom told me once just to tell everybody I own the house and I am just looking after them.) OYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYyyyyyyyy.....Any comments appreciated..
Jay
Posted by Phil on April 20, 2006, at 20:58:45
In reply to Jay's Journal :Through webdating Please helpcoms, posted by Jay on April 20, 2006, at 20:39:51
The one that matters won't care.
Just think about being good people with these gals.
You have to see love as friendship first.
I think about 30 minutes of friendship is adequate.
: )
Posted by Phillipa on April 20, 2006, at 21:56:46
In reply to Re: Jay's Journal :Through webdating Please helpco » Jay, posted by Phil on April 20, 2006, at 20:58:45
Phil I agree with you. My Daughter recently joined one and so far she has met a lot of friends in her area. They picnic and generally have fun. And when you meet in real life and get to know each other then you may just find out that other people have the same problem of depression. It is so common My next door neighbor a teacher is on an AD and xanax. Across the street both husband and wife take zoloft and the wife even wears a fentynl path and takes vicodin for pain. It's amazing how many others out there feel the same way you do. Love Phillipa
Posted by Deneb on April 20, 2006, at 22:36:42
In reply to Jay's Journal :Through webdating Please helpcoms, posted by Jay on April 20, 2006, at 20:39:51
Jay, I sympathize with you. I too, live with my parents and don't have a car. I actually don't have a cent to my name (the money in my bank account doesn't count because it wasn't earned by *me*. Any money I've earned has gone to tuition.
I don't even have a job. I can't drive and I don't even know the city I live in.
My webdate was a very successful person, in law school. Me, I'm way behind. I felt like such an idiot. How the heck do I explain that I had to drop tons of classes because I was having mental breakdowns?
I really don't know how to handle this problem. I want to find someone who doesn't mind me and my problems too.
Deneb*
Posted by Emily Elizabeth on April 20, 2006, at 22:59:19
In reply to Jay's Journal :Through webdating Please helpcoms, posted by Jay on April 20, 2006, at 20:39:51
Hey Jay--
I owe you a babblemail. I'll get back to you soon, I promise. As for your current questions...
I think that a good rule is to be honest but vague. Only offer info on the less desirable stuff when it comes up. You don't want to overwhelm, but you don't want to lie.
One thing that is really important for me (and I think for a lot of girls) is to express that you do not WANT to be living with your parents, but circumstances have made it necessary. You want her to know that it isn't that you are lazy and want to leach (sp?) off of your parents. You also don't want her to think that you can't separate from your fam and that you are overly attached to them.
Above all, try to remind yourself that she is interested and wants to learn more about YOU. She doesn't just care about what "stuff" you have. Good luck and keep us posted, okay?
Best,
EE
Posted by Jay on April 22, 2006, at 0:40:03
OK..here is my ad on one of the big dating websites. Maybe it sounds a bit "kooky" like me..with me lifetime certifiable mental illness..lol. So..I am gonna post for all to see..then I will post about my responses. Thank you my friends for your wonderful help. This is really dang hard to do alone. This is like a lowdown...VERY lowdown version of 'The Bachelor'...hahahaa..lol. If you can't control your laughter after reading the first line...well..I'm in trouble..lol.
-----------------------------------------------
About Me--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jokester. Lover. Dreamer. Philosopher. Strolling on the beach under the moon and earthshine. Soulscape. I am not interested in finding a date or a partner for anything 'cheap', as in 'just someone to hang out with', or to be 'casual' with. I'd like a tiny bit of that magic, if possible. The kind that comes from the heart, not from the bank account or reflected in a mirror. I take pride in my appearance and my attraction comes through both my basic physical appearance and my much more deeper heartfelt one. Does that make sense? I hope so. Also, if you try to measure up a person by one or two pictures on this website, I think that is a grave mistake. Now, you ask, "what does this guy know???"...well I don't claim to know a LOT, but I am in the "field". I am a social worker who has worked in marriage and couples counselling the past. Oh no..no you are scared. Wait! I leave my work at the office.OK...so a bit more about me. Well..to me, life is not a race, but a journey...and my other fav quote, there is no failure unless you give up. I consider myself sensitive, kind, compassionate, yet strong, full of a zest for life, with my eyes to the sky. Some of the things I really love..music, Fall sky's..winter cabins by the fire..I am really hoping to travel much more, especially through Europe. I've got a LOT to give, and I know my way around being a good 'partner' in a healthy relationship. So, let's start by being friends
-------------------------
Posted by Jay on April 22, 2006, at 11:33:21
In reply to Jay's Journal: Webdate..the AD..comm.please, posted by Jay on April 22, 2006, at 0:40:03
I can't believe this one...but I guess there are all kinds out there. I, very gently and kindly email this gal, close to my age and such, just to tell her I live in a town not *too* far away. I ask her what her interests are. Basic questions. Then, she send this big 'BLOCK' notice so I could never contact her again! How nice!!?!?!?!! They say men are bad...
Jay :-\
Posted by Phil on April 22, 2006, at 12:01:12
In reply to Snooty Women!!, posted by Jay on April 22, 2006, at 11:33:21
What do they call that place? Torture Board?
That's worse than real life.
Posted by alesta on April 22, 2006, at 12:50:27
In reply to Re: Jay's Journal :Through webdating Please helpco » Jay, posted by Phil on April 20, 2006, at 20:58:45
Posted by Jay on April 22, 2006, at 13:10:25
In reply to Re: Snooty Women!! » Jay, posted by Phil on April 22, 2006, at 12:01:12
> What do they call that place? Torture Board?
> That's worse than real life.
Ya, it just goes to show..it takes all kinds, eh? heh. But, so far that's only been one..and there have been a couple of nice gals who have responded back. I am a little frustrated though, because I've replied to about 100 people, and maybe 5-6 have gotten back. Like, I am far from saying I am some drop dead good looking guy, but man...I am not that bad to look at.(Geezz..I HOPE not!..lol) Well...been over this territory a few times before..heh. It's like finding a needle in a haystack. Thanks Phil...just letting out some verbal hot-air...lol..Jay :-)
Posted by alesta on April 22, 2006, at 13:19:16
In reply to Re: Snooty Women!! » Phil, posted by Jay on April 22, 2006, at 13:10:25
hi, jay..i swear "love" always happens for me when i'm *not* looking for it. (but, then again, maybe i've never been anything *but* not looking for it..:-)).
you're an outgoing guy...perhaps you could just start doing some activities you like, and see if you meet someone that way?
i would also suggest you try becoming contented with just yourself first...might help...who knows..can't hurt. that might be just the key. who knows...just throwing stuff out there.
did you try those dating sites..like match.com or eharmony or whatever? they scientifically match you, man. you're an enfp, so you'd probably be matched to an infj or an intj...
aim:)
Posted by Phillipa on April 22, 2006, at 13:37:24
In reply to i beg your pardon!! only kiddeen... » Jay, posted by alesta on April 22, 2006, at 13:19:16
I agree with Alesta . Could I add some corrective criticism from my perspective only. You sound rather desperate. I would leave out the word cheap, you sentence what does this guy know, and simply state I am a social worker don't explain your hours . And just talk about you in general. What do you think? Love Phillipa
Posted by alesta on April 22, 2006, at 13:56:24
In reply to Re: i beg your pardon!! only kiddeen..., posted by Phillipa on April 22, 2006, at 13:37:24
> I agree with Alesta . Could I add some corrective criticism from my perspective only. You sound rather desperate. I would leave out the word cheap, you sentence what does this guy know, and simply state I am a social worker don't explain your hours . And just talk about you in general. What do you think? Love Phillipa
i agree phillipa. absolutely leave out that stuff. the rest of his ad is just gorgeous though. jay..fine tune this and you are bound to strike gold. yes, take out anything that smacks of 'neediness'. definitely.:) there's a subconscious penchant to run from that, in all humans, i think...:)
amy
p.s. i hope i didn't convey that i think the personality theorists are correct in their nearly opposite personality matchings for relationships. i always find that i do better w/ ppl who are more similar, although that is not my final assessment by any means..what i'm saying is, i really have no idea...;)
Posted by TexasChic on April 22, 2006, at 14:12:45
In reply to Jay's Journal: Webdate..the AD..comm.please, posted by Jay on April 22, 2006, at 0:40:03
If it were me, and I'm far from an expert on any of this, I would try to keep your ad as positive as possible. That's the kind I would respond to anyway. I don't think there's any reason to mention anything about not focusing on appearance, bank accounts, or looking for something cheap, ect., (although people do it all the time) because no one's going to know if you're actually telling the truth or not. In fact, when I see statements like that it makes me think the guy has something to hide. So you may as well keep those qualities to show when you actually meet up with someone. You're trying to get someone interested enough to respond and give you a chance, so don't list what you consider your failings. All the stuff about what you have to give is great though. Just try to avoid saying anything negative about yourself, and I think you will come across more as you hope to.
As for that chic blocking you, what a psycho! Be glad you don't have to deal with her.
Keep up the good work. At least you're trying, which stands alot more chance of success than not trying at all! Which is more than I can say for myself.
-T
Posted by gardenergirl on April 22, 2006, at 19:55:37
In reply to Snooty Women!!, posted by Jay on April 22, 2006, at 11:33:21
Hi Jay,
I'm sorry that happened. One thought, though. Any chance you used the word "gal" in your email to her?gg
Posted by verne on April 22, 2006, at 20:40:54
In reply to Jay's Journal: Webdate..the AD..comm.please, posted by Jay on April 22, 2006, at 0:40:03
Jay,
I would leave out the hypothetical conversations like, "Now, you ask, "what does this guy know???"...well I don't claim to know a LOT, but I am in the "field". I am a social worker who has worked in marriage and couples counselling the past. Oh no..no you are scared. Wait! ..."
It gives the impression that you will anticipate what they think, know what they are thinking, and then interrupt them before they can say anything.
I'm the last person on earth to give *dating* advice though. I'm washed up, alone, bereft, bitter, and deeply sad. (I'm borrowing the description, "deeply sad" from the show "Red Dwarf" - I think it was Rimmer who was the most "deeply sad" person in the universe)
I might not use the expression, "grave mistake". I think of buried-bodies serious. May not be the impression you're going for.
I probably could nitpick your ad, or even rewrite it, but then you'd be guaranteed failure. In fact, just do the opposite of what I say and you'll do fine. (but that would mean, doing the opposite of doing the opposite of what I say)
Verne
Posted by Deneb on April 22, 2006, at 20:57:56
In reply to Jay's Journal: Webdate..the AD..comm.please, posted by Jay on April 22, 2006, at 0:40:03
Where are you posting your info?
I added myself to this site called Plentyoffish and I got a lot of replies. It's a free site. I got too many replies. They just kept coming. I'm not gorgeous or anything, but a lot of people were interested. Now I've hidden my profile. I'm not ready to date yet.
Deneb*
Posted by Jay on April 23, 2006, at 17:51:20
In reply to Re: Snooty Women!! » Jay, posted by Phil on April 22, 2006, at 12:01:12
> What do they call that place? Torture Board?
> That's worse than real life.It was just a one-off remark Phil...like everybody says...I'll just leave it alone.
Thank you my friend..and I really am digging your fashion statement in you pic above. :-)
Jay
Posted by Jay on April 23, 2006, at 17:56:05
In reply to i beg your pardon!! only kiddeen... » Jay, posted by alesta on April 22, 2006, at 13:19:16
Well...I have been looking into eharmony, but those other ones are not available in Canada yet. That sucks. I only reach out and start the dating thing when I am feeling better about myself, so the "hits and blows" really don't bother me as much. I've *never* had that though..when people say "..love comes around when you aren't looking.." I am the shy, quiet type, and I've noticed that women freak out when they find out I am interested in them (IRL).
Thnx,
Jay
Posted by Jay on April 23, 2006, at 17:58:19
In reply to Re: i beg your pardon!! only kiddeen..., posted by Phillipa on April 22, 2006, at 13:37:24
> I agree with Alesta . Could I add some corrective criticism from my perspective only. You sound rather desperate. I would leave out the word cheap, you sentence what does this guy know, and simply state I am a social worker don't explain your hours . And just talk about you in general. What do you think? Love Phillipa
Yes, well I've made some stong changes, and I will post my *new* ad along with some responses. You are right, my last ad was sorta twisted.
Thanx :-) Jay
Posted by Jay on April 23, 2006, at 18:00:20
In reply to Re: i beg your pardon!! only kiddeen... » Phillipa, posted by alesta on April 22, 2006, at 13:56:24
My friend...I will post the new profile and some responses to get more fire going. This could be a reality-tv-show..eh?
Jay :-)
Posted by Jay on April 23, 2006, at 18:07:14
In reply to Re: Jay's Journal: Webdate..the AD..comm.please, posted by TexasChic on April 22, 2006, at 14:12:45
> If it were me, and I'm far from an expert on any of this, I would try to keep your ad as positive as possible. That's the kind I would respond to anyway. I don't think there's any reason to mention anything about not focusing on appearance, bank accounts, or looking for something cheap, ect., (although people do it all the time) because no one's going to know if you're actually telling the truth or not. In fact, when I see statements like that it makes me think the guy has something to hide. So you may as well keep those qualities to show when you actually meet up with someone. You're trying to get someone interested enough to respond and give you a chance, so don't list what you consider your failings. All the stuff about what you have to give is great though. Just try to avoid saying anything negative about yourself, and I think you will come across more as you hope to.
>
> As for that chic blocking you, what a psycho! Be glad you don't have to deal with her.
>
> Keep up the good work. At least you're trying, which stands alot more chance of success than not trying at all! Which is more than I can say for myself.
>
> -THi TexasChic...well thank you for your encouragement. I'd have to say off the top, you should really check this stuff out especially if you are trying to wean away from social phobia or anxiety.(As I am) Some of it can get you down...but there are some nice people too. Just watch out for the 'players', though.
Ya, as far as the personal info about finances and such..I think I edited them out of my new profile, which I will post. You make very valid points.
Thanx,
Jay
Posted by Jay on April 23, 2006, at 18:25:29
In reply to Re: Snooty Women!! » Jay, posted by gardenergirl on April 22, 2006, at 19:55:37
> Hi Jay,
> I'm sorry that happened. One thought, though. Any chance you used the word "gal" in your email to her?
>
> ggNo...absolutely not. I actually only use that word on-line, when talking in a general sense say to friends. It's like.."So, you guys and gals.." Instead.."You mean and women"..or the more demaning "Boys and Girls." Make sence?
Thanks..
Jay
Posted by Jay on April 23, 2006, at 18:31:06
In reply to Re: Jay's Journal: Webdate..the AD..comm.please » Jay, posted by verne on April 22, 2006, at 20:40:54
> Jay,
>
> I would leave out the hypothetical conversations like, "Now, you ask, "what does this guy know???"...well I don't claim to know a LOT, but I am in the "field". I am a social worker who has worked in marriage and couples counselling the past. Oh no..no you are scared. Wait! ..."
>
> It gives the impression that you will anticipate what they think, know what they are thinking, and then interrupt them before they can say anything.
>
> I'm the last person on earth to give *dating* advice though. I'm washed up, alone, bereft, bitter, and deeply sad. (I'm borrowing the description, "deeply sad" from the show "Red Dwarf" - I think it was Rimmer who was the most "deeply sad" person in the universe)
>
> I might not use the expression, "grave mistake". I think of buried-bodies serious. May not be the impression you're going for.
>
> I probably could nitpick your ad, or even rewrite it, but then you'd be guaranteed failure. In fact, just do the opposite of what I say and you'll do fine. (but that would mean, doing the opposite of doing the opposite of what I say)
>
> Verne
>
>No...I think you have a lot of wisdom Verne. It's only been through very horrific and terrible lives that I've seen people 'rise above' and have so much more important stuff to say. You are correct in what you are saying about what I said being a social worker and that stuff.(Mind you, I haven't done marriage counselling in over 15 years..so add the depression in, and I date back to the 'Leave it to Beaver' times...hehhe:-)
I'll post my new ad and see what you folks have to say.
Thanks,
Jay :-)
Posted by Jay on April 23, 2006, at 18:32:30
In reply to Re: Jay's Journal: Webdate..the AD..comm.please » Jay, posted by Deneb on April 22, 2006, at 20:57:56
I don't really wanna say...kinda confidential. :)
Jay
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