Posted by Velodog2 on August 24, 2005, at 14:39:40
In reply to Re: Ante up. New card dealt. » velodog2, posted by barbaracat on August 24, 2005, at 13:56:48
You perceive much Barbaracat, all correctly. I am in a lot of pain right now, of course. I was quite committed to the relationship and have been through this too many times in the past (from one side or the other) to shake it off lightly.
However, so far I would say that I have not fallen into what I would consider depression. I am extremely sad, angry, anguished, etc. - all normal stuff - but not depressed, yet. The danger time is ahead when the shock wears off and I have to look at and evaluate and make decisions about my life.
Also interestingly (to me) is that I am feeling this one somewhat more intensely (the feelings listed above) than what was essentially the same situation 1.5 yrs ago when we split for a couple months, but then got back together, and when I was on Prozac. That's not necessarily bad -increased intensity of feelings is a double edged sword.
I have a rather simplistic theory that my depression is either a reaction to, or a coping mechanism for, an impasse in problem solving. Not being able to perceive an answer to a significant problem in my life often seems to initiate depression. As I said, it is simplistic and I don't believe it is more than a small piece of the puzzle.
I have an appt. with the dr. tomorrow to refill the prescription however, so I will have it on hand. I don't intend to use it until I feel actual persistent depression. I don't want to dull my feelings at a time when I may need to make decisions about my life. After all, deciding what you want is all about what you feel. Conversely, I don't want to make decisions when I am depressed either. Which is exactly what you said Barbaracat.
Thank you all again for the support - my need has increased quite significantly. I may need to find a psychologist before this is over.
Mike> Ahhh, poo. What a crummy thing to happen. Good, bad, it's always rough to end a relationship. But I've gotta say - a note? just a note? No face to face honest give you a chance to talk? Tsk tsk.
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> How long has it been without the Prozac? A little over 4 weeks, right? It sounded like you were doing OK, depressed but still determined. This is just a thought, so take it for what it's worth. With this new outcome, leaving a note and splitting, it would seem that your partner may have had this in mind for a while and whatever the reason, your being on meds or not, he was thinking about it, planning it. This was in the airwaves, so to speak, you can't help but pick up on it and feel the anxiety and unclarity of something that doesn't feel right.
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> It will be interesting to see how you feel without those uncertain bad vibes in your energy space. Yes, the split will have it's own heartaches. But maybe the subliminal dissatisfaction and vague threats aimed your way was affecting you more than you realized.
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> It would be helpful to separate out the different streams of what must feel like a jumbled mass of feelings. There might be a tiny bit of relief in there as well and if so, grab onto it and let that relief grow. Because it's too easy to thrash ourselves for what we did wrong. That's where the downward spin starts so hopefully you can pull yourself back from going there.
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> About the Prozac, you'll know what's best for you. There's no need to white knuckle it though massive pain. It seems like you've got a bunch of processing to do about your life circumstances, and on one hand you don't want to sublimate or blunt that process, on the other you don't want to go into a tailspin where you can't handle anything. I wish the best for you and that you can find a balanced path through all this upheaval. - Barbara
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> > Whoops. Got home tonight to find a charming note from my partner informing me that he was done, and gone. Anyone care to place bets on how long I stay off of prozac now? Ironic, since going back on it was what he wanted.
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poster:Velodog2
thread:545377
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/wdrawl/20050822/msgs/546098.html