Posted by rabble_rouser on June 22, 2005, at 17:11:09
Dear all,
I have been reading the site on and off for a while. I know a lot of us are going through some terrible times, and I wanted to post because I have found something that really is helping me. Sit down, get a cup of coffee and some biscuits. This is a long one.
I am 27 years of age, and have experienced major depression since I was 12. I have been through debilitating phases, nearly been thrown out of university, self-harmed and destroyed more relationships than I want to even count. As I'm sure many people can relate to, I have been on a constant search to address this in my life and have been down every avenue I can. I have tried different anti-depressants, and now for the second time I am taking Effexor. The first time I felt the positive effects, but experienced bad side effects, and then went cold turkey and got the full checklist of cr*p that Effexor has to offer.
Now, I will give the practical stuff first for those who dont wanna read me gassing on. I have found that a particular combination of vitamins has COMPLETELY removed my side effects, and now I am withdrawing, I am still feeling nothing. This is the list:
Choline (1000mg), Ginkgo Biloba, Mega B vits, L-Tyrosine (1000mg), L-Glutamine (1000mg), L-Phenylalanine (1000mg)[can raise blood pressure], a multivit, Omega 3's (1000mg) and Co-Q 10 (30mg). PLUS tons of water.
Some nutritionists may say this is nuts. They might be right - please do check and make sure you are comfortable with it before you consider buying. I personally have experienced no adverse effects, but hey, everyone is different.
I chose these because they all supposedly target brain function, and are linked with, among others, norepinephrine, serotonin and dopamine (ring any bells?). Now apart from the fact that the Mega B vits turn your pee neon yellow, I have found no adverse effects to taking these. Let me say again – whilst taking this combination I have experienced NO side effects, and has so far have not found any withdrawal effects. I will post again when I am completely off.
OK, on to the philosophy.
This time round, things have been TOTALLY different. I want to tell you why I believe that might be, and I hope that others might find my comments helpful. I am not preaching - I just want to offer what has been my experience. Apologies if this seems like a sermon, I guess I've been writing it for 15 years :)
I believe that deep rooted depressions do not respond well only to drugs - I found drugs just mask the pain from whatever your real trouble is, and when you come off them, the pain returns. Maybe its our culture, maybe the companies just wanna make more bucks, but for whatever reason, some us tend to believe that one pill is gonna do it all. This has not been my experience.
I think you need to tease out whatever it is that keeps dragging you down, and then NAIL IT. Not just know what your problem is, not just put a label on it, but REALLY DO SOMETHING TO MAKE A CHANGE and unlearn whatever BS life may have taught you about yourself.
I have been undergoing Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, and this has helped me understand where my sensitivities lay. It helped me just accept "I am who I am for whatever reason - and I try to forgive and accept all those people, things and circumstances that made me this way because I cannot go back and change them. Now it is up to me to take responsibility for myself. To make myself stronger and to build day by day, one day at a time, not looking beyond where I Am right now, and noticing and rewarding the tiniest things I do well".
This is powerful stuff.
I have done a lot of research and tried a lot of things. The CBT forms the backbone of what I am doing. On top of this I have found it helpful to try to address all the needs of my life. Depression puts you in a tunnel, and all you can see is that one thing that hurts you. It can help to take stock and do JUST A LITTLE AT A TIME to enrich all the other little bits of your life. Its hard to pull away from that painful focal point because it seems so huge, but the time spent away somehow filters back into helping you.
Now I’m sure there are plenty of arguments against what I have said already (hey that’s life). There is so much more that I needed to learn to get where I am now. So, if you will indulge me, here is a list of some of the information that I hope will be able to say what I’m groping at much more eloquently. I have found these invaluable:
Feeling good, The new mood therapy – Burns
How to accept yourself - Dr Windy Dryden [Immensely important and describes a valuable alternative to the concept of ‘self esteem’]
The Luck Factor - Richard Wiseman
Being in the moment (audio book – check some FTP’s) - Wayne DyerOn top of these, I have read dozens of books that relate to my particular issue (approval addiction and relationship issues). Some of these are:
How to Win Friends and Influence People – Dale Carnegie
How to talk to Anyone – Leil Lowndes
DeBretts Modern Manners
Titles on negotiation
Influence – Brian Cialdini
Think and Grow Rich – Napoleon HillNow, this is one hell of a list and doesn’t even come close to my full library, and they might not help everyone. The point I am trying to make is that I have found EDUCATION to be a huge key to unlocking my depression.
I believe depression is what you get when your expectations of reality don’t fit what’s really going on. When you are trying to hammer that square peg into a dodecahedron-shaped hole.
Educating yourself, understanding the way things really are and GIVING YOURSELF THE TOOLS to go out there and handle it, and USING AND GAINING SKILL WITH THE TOOLS – that, for me, is the key.
See a psychologist. Try to find the seat of your pain (I recommend CBT or REBT especially). Buy some titles. Try what they suggest. Maybe it won’t work, maybe it will. Maybe you’ll flunk completely. Get up, try again. Try something else. Maybe try that first thing again. But keep trying. “Happiness isn’t a destination, it’s the path you take there”. Get on the path and enjoy falling into the grass once or twice – you’ll learn something, and before long the doggy doo stops sticking to your clothes.
I promise ;)
“The definition of success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm” – Winston Churchill. One of the most famous depressives.
Good luck
Ross
poster:rabble_rouser
thread:517178
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/wdrawl/20050611/msgs/517178.html