Posted by ClearSkies on May 31, 2008, at 22:23:16
In reply to Want to quit drinking, but, posted by Bailey777 on May 31, 2008, at 9:21:42
> Hi all -
>
> I've been struggling with alcohol abuse for over 10 years now and I have had bouts got giving it up for a few weeks at a time. I done this though talk therapy and reading boards and blogs. I went to one AA meeting and it was ok. But I didn't feel like I fit in. I thinking of reconsidering however, and this is why. I find that my closest network of family also have drinking problems. Or they drink a lot and don't have any desire to quit. For people who have been sober, did you ultimately feel that you could no longer be around drinkers? Not just in friend, but a family member you were close too.
>
> I am realizing that the relationships that I have are detrimental to me becoming a sober person. Has anyone given up on these relationships?
>
> thanksThat's a really good question. My spouse, when I asked him to curtail his drinking around me, had no problem in putting it aside. His other family members who have their own problems and issues with drinking I find are still triggers for me - and I'm going on 3 years of sobriety.
I've found that I have had to really restrict the amount of time that I expose myself to their company. Sometimes it helps if I keep my car keys in my pocket, to remind myself that I actually can leave if I feel too uncomfortable. It's not my place to explain my situation to them (in some cases they are much much older than myself and utterly incapable of comprehending that their own drinking is a problem for themselves and for those close to them). That's something that they have to discover for themselves.
The answer is that you have to keep yourself safe - and if you have a good relationship with your family, you might be able to explain to them how their drinking makes it harder to you to stay sober. But if they are in the midst of their own addictions, this discussion probably won't go over too well, and you can probably judge that for yourself from where you are right now.
A good resource for family members is Al Anon, which is for those whose spouses or parents are struggling with addiction. I sought them out when I was a young teenager, before I had even tried drinking. They were compassionate and had wise words for me, but at the time my family life was fast disintegrating, and I wasn't able to sustain any continuity until many years later when I faced my own addiction problems.
And, there are alternatives to AA out there. If you're a female you might want to try Women For Sobriety, who helped me a great deal, particularly in my earliest sobriety.
There's lots of support here, too.
Good luck
ClearSkies
poster:ClearSkies
thread:832186
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20080104/msgs/832295.html