Posted by beatrix34 on June 22, 2004, at 22:40:43
In reply to Re: Meth-20 years Clean-addicted again, posted by 2ndXround on June 21, 2004, at 4:03:51
I can't say that I have children that are adults...but...coming from the other side, a child of an addict, and getting in touch with my dad after I realised what was happening to me, and how similar we were in our addiction, made my bond to my father stronger. I didn't feel ashamed of him, instead I felt like I had someone who was close to me that could relate to the feelings I was going through at the time. I have since lost my father, and I have to say, this was a turning point in our relationship. I gained a new understanding of the things that had happened throughout out our relationship (or lack there of) and in the end, I was able to sit by him as he passed away.
I too was afraid to admit this out loud to a room full of people. Maybe if you guys go to the same meeting, you can choose a meeting that splits into a coupls of different meetings (ie a 1, 2, 3 meeting, and a just for today meeting, or something along those lines). That way you can get comfortable in front of a room, be with your daughter, but have your own space to talke about the things you need to talk about in order to get clean.
Once again, you having this disease is not your fault. It may even eventually bring you and your daughter closer together. I say, take the risk, you're an addict, so is she. Chances are that she is not going to judge you for your addiction, she understands it. I know this is hard to see but I am the daughter, and this is how I felt.
I actually felt proud of my dad and all he had overcome by the time we had to say good-bye. This is a progam of honesty, sometimes it's the hardest thing to do but the results of being honest with yourself and others, in my experience, has never turned out to be as aweful as I have made them out to be in my mind. In fact, I have often looked back after walking through another door of fear and thought to myself...wow, what took me so long. With honesty comes relief and freedom.
Chances are, you are good mother, and a good person, with good intentions, but you were dealt the disease of addiction. You can overcome it, but the main way I have done it so far has been to get honest with myself and everyone around me. Sometimes I find myself falling back into the confort of a little white lie, and I then know that it's time to hit a lot of meetings. Honesty is my gage of how my recovery is going. Fear was all that held me back, now I have faith that it will all be alright in the long run. It's scary as hell but it's all been worth it.
I know it's not exactly where you are coming from in your question but it's the way I can best relate to your situation.
Please, keep going to meetings. I am sending you all good thoughts.
Bea
poster:beatrix34
thread:357711
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20040604/msgs/359257.html