Posted by alexandra_k on April 28, 2013, at 3:57:27
In reply to an ideal life..., posted by alexandra_k on April 28, 2013, at 3:43:06
i think it is a herd thing.
some people panic at the thought that they will be separated from the herd and a predator will pick them off. they can only relax when they are part of a group because they figure if there is danger then the herd will alert them and they can just kind of blend and they will be okay. safety in numbers.i think the biggest threat comes from other people. other people are likely to stamp on me in an irrational panic or noisily blunder into the sights of predators alerting them to all of our presence.
when people see me alone they somehow get confused and think they are me and they are alone and they panic and they are simply incapable of letting me alone. they need to capture my attention. it starts politely enough. a cough. a smallish wave. when i respond by blocking them (avert eyes, pull up hood, turn up personal stereo, angle computer screen so i can't see them, turn away) they escalate. why is that? it is like they start to panic. they need to get my attention. it is a deep psychological need for them. the insistance... why? why can't they just go find OTHER people who are responsive to them? why do they need to persist in annoying me when I'm sending out signals as obvious as can be that I'M NOT INTERESTED - LEAVE ME ALONE.
you see, they can find OTHER people and most of those people are stoked to see them but i can't find other places to be alone. no matter where i put myself some individual will find me and annoy me.
why?
genuinely... why? i don't understand.
i'm getting to the point... where i feel like injuring them. it is like 'what do i have to do to get you to leave me alone'? maybe a sharp sudden pain will result in their developing an aversion. i feel rage. why can't people back off?
i mean, really, what are they thinking? they must be able to tell that i'm getting annoyed. in fact... mostly they seem to find it amusing. other people watch... then they tag team to try and annoy me.
i'm serious.
i'm not imaginging it. that happens.
is this what leads some people to get a f*ck*ng gun?
(i'm not actually going to hurt anybody. or if i do i assure you it will be more along the lines of an ineffectual flailing of limbs.)
i don't understand.
i don't like most people. very much. at all.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1034263
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20130309/msgs/1042789.html