Posted by Dinah on October 27, 2011, at 5:27:06
In reply to Re: She's gone » Dinah, posted by yellowbird01 on October 26, 2011, at 22:25:05
Definitely when it comes to love I have very little to regret with her. She adored me from puppyhood and I delighted in her. She knew nearly every day that she was loved.
I always have some regrets. I forgot her meds more than I should, especially in the morning. My therapist says I treated her as well, if not better, than I treated myself. I forget my own meds and insulin more than I should. I'm just not very *aware*, if that makes sense. All the will in the world can't force me to be aware. And I wish I could have undone Saturday evening through Wednesday morning. Tho if she'd have stayed at home and died, I'd also feel guilty. But I suppose four days in a lifetime isn't too bad. If she is in a place to remember me, I hope she remembers the rest of it and not the last four days. My vet thought I did great with her, and he's said that all along. Every single time I have seen him in the past sixteen months he has commented on how amazing it is that she does so well. I should trust in him.
It's all a bit dreamlike right now. I still feel like I'm seeing her in the corner of my eye, or in my minds eye perhaps. I'm acknowledging it but I don't feel it yet.
Yellowbird, I remember you well. You don't have to post every day to be cared about and considered part of the community.
I wonder if I am capable of internalizing happiness. To some extent, a few precious dogs have always seemed to hold my happiness with them. Whatever zest for life I might hold. I think I may be incapable of holding those things in myself. I've no real talent for happiness. What will I do, and what will I be, without her? I remember that time, and I didn't like it.My throat is sore, in a literal sense. I wonder if I'm coming down with something.
poster:Dinah
thread:1000491
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20111017/msgs/1000944.html